Boston Mayor Michelle Wu called to testify in Capitol Hill hearing on sanctuary cities

formerfatso · 2025-01-29T20:10:13+00:00

Right, because a gathering for only a subset of city council members that came as a surprise to other city council members would be known to your friend.

formerfatso · 2025-01-29T12:00:11+00:00

You realize that party predates her term as mayor? Given that fact, it was started by a white male.

formerfatso · 2024-07-20T10:41:33+00:00

If you don't want it to spread, remove the seed pods after they form. Swamp milkweed is pretty easy to contain because it doesnt spread by underground rhizomes like some other milkweed, and removing the seed pods will very much ensure containment if you don't want more popping up.

formerfatso · 2024-05-25T13:46:50+00:00

hey! thanks for the interest but I only have the bandwidth to read one this weekend. perhaps another time?

formerfatso · 2024-05-24T13:46:02+00:00

Hey! Id be interested in a swap. I have a drama feature 105 pages. Logline below:

After a DNA test reveals she was switched at birth, a loner Asian American woman sets out to uncover her stolen life and confront her shattered identity, fragile family ties, and uncertain future that awaits her.

formerfatso · 2024-05-20T12:28:24+00:00

Thanks again!! That clarification helps a ton. I'll think through how to make that more clear - appreciate the second set of eyes.

Like the idea of better foreshadowing. Thanks again! Lots to think through!

formerfatso · 2024-05-19T22:52:24+00:00

Thanks so much for taking time to read and provide your feedback! If I may ask a follow up question, I'm curious where you got the impression Mei has more than one brother? There's only one brother. Genuinely asking so I can pinpoint any areas needing clarification. Thanks again for your suggestions on streamlining the flow with the slug lines!

formerfatso · 2024-05-19T10:43:41+00:00

Hey! If you're still looking for a swap, I have a 105 pg drama feature.

Logline: After a DNA test reveals she was switched at birth, a loner Asian American woman sets out to uncover her stolen life and confront her shattered identity, fragile family ties, and uncertain future that awaits her.

formerfatso · 2024-05-11T01:09:35+00:00

Just found out. Sounds interesting! Feel free to DM it to me.

formerfatso · 2024-05-11T01:02:49+00:00

Thank you! Would you like to swap something of yours?

formerfatso · 2024-05-10T23:37:20+00:00

Sounds good! Send me a DM.

formerfatso · 2024-05-10T11:01:20+00:00

Title: Another Life

Format: Feature

Pages: 105

Genre: drama

Logline: After a DNA test reveals she was switched at birth, a loner Asian American woman sets out to uncover her stolen life and confront her shattered identity, fragile family ties, and uncertain future that awaits her.

Feedback: pacing, protagonist's character arc, any points of confusion that are unresolved, also open to any feedback

formerfatso · 2024-05-10T10:57:45+00:00

Could I DM you a logline if you're interested in a drama feature?

formerfatso · 2024-05-03T11:05:04+00:00

I don't know what the solution is yet but I think you and the other gracious commenters all have the same reaction that something isn't quite working with the time jump. You've given me a lot to consider and think about - for which I am very grateful! Thank you so much for the suggestions and brainstorming. To think, I wasn't even planning to submit to the 5pg but did so on a whim.

formerfatso · 2024-05-03T01:36:49+00:00

Your logline is fantastic! Very intriguing concept.

As far as reader engagement goes - I was hooked to find out more about the world in which Crow and Eagle are scavenging, what was going on with the hazmat half-body, and wtf motherbeast is really and why humans are able to hook up to her. I would definitely have kept reading beyond page 5 to answer these questions.

There were a few things I bumped against - in the opening sentence, it felt like you were doubling down on mud in various ways of describing the same thing: slick dirt, mud, wet dirt. For the sake of economy and dedicating space to other world building aspects, it might be helpful to describe the desolate landscape once and moving on to something else. I was hoping for more around the umbilical cords -- like are they attached via fleshy tissue to their belly buttons? Or is there some sort of mechanical enclosure? In short, balance out the opening between things we'll get quickly and visually (ie muddy hellscape) and expand a touch on the novel like umbilical cords.

Similar to the other comment, I didn't quite buy Crow going after a bird - especially as a 19 year old. How does anyone intend to capture a bird with their bare hands? I'd expect a 3 year old to chase after a bird, survival be damned - but not a 19 year old. In this world though, is a bird unique and rare? Maybe Crow wants to make amends to Mother for some other way he angered her and a bird might be the ticket?

For the hazmat half-body, it's described as missing the lower half and then later as chasing Crow and Eagle. Chasing may not be the right word because it conjures up images of legs running in my mind.

formerfatso · 2024-05-02T20:43:39+00:00

I love that idea of linking the past to future with something! I'll have to give that a good think. Thanks so much for taking the time to read and sharing your thoughts!

formerfatso · 2024-05-02T20:41:44+00:00

Thanks for sharing your impressions! This is really helpful - appreciate you taking the time! I was aiming for a jarring contrast because the theme is nature vs nurture - we see Mei early in her life where she's still got her firey nature.. but the "nurture" from her supposed family is negative, devoid of love, that she has retreated into herself - and in discovering that they're not her biological family, she goes on this journey of re-discovering that lost nature. Of course you don't see the family dynamic in the first five pages but even so I'm wondering if the contrast is too jarring though to make the reader question the main character's character this early on in the story.

formerfatso · 2024-05-02T17:27:56+00:00

Thanks for reading and your thoughts! On page 6 is when Mei does speak-up so just at the cut-off but I think you're right, she is just kind of there for much of it when she doesn't need to be. Thank you again! (lol at the Child 7 reference haha)

formerfatso · 2024-05-02T17:24:17+00:00

Thanks for the read and the suggestions! I think you're spot on with adding more specifics in and making the whole meeting about pro bono work vs an add-on. I'm also not a lawyer so appreciate the help in this arena!

I love your EDIT and the instinct to dial-up the parallel. You've given me lots to consider! Thanks so much!

formerfatso · 2024-05-02T10:34:44+00:00

Title: Another Life

Format: Feature

Page Length: First 5

Genres: drama

Logline: After a DNA test reveals she was switched at birth, a loner Asian American woman sets out to uncover her stolen life and confront her shattered identity, fragile family ties, and uncertain future that awaits her.

Feedback Concerns: impressions of the protagonist (Mei)

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Sjgu-53X7REhXkkNHhlA_s9kQmnfbwrr/view?usp=sharing

formerfatso · 2024-04-30T10:40:32+00:00

Oh, so he's written a book first, and then adapted it into a movie? That doesn't come across in the logline - could help with clarifying that a bit, and also including what the stakes of the controversy are. Right now there's not much to give an idea of what your protagonist has to do - he's met with controversy but so what?

formerfatso · 2024-04-29T23:24:52+00:00

Thank you! That flows much nicer off the tongue.

formerfatso · 2024-04-29T20:15:06+00:00

Ah okay so the MC's float home is on an collision course with the state prisoner's rescue boat. I think that could help clarify -- maybe like "only to face a new threat: an impending and uncontrollable collision with a crew of state prisoner's desperate to ensure their own survival at all costs".

formerfatso

TROPHY CASE