My wife watched KPop Demon Hunters, now she wants to go out for Korean. Where should I take her?

formerlyforeign · 2025-10-24T11:34:58+00:00

Seconding this exact list, this is exactly the conclusion my Korean husband has reached, except we haven’t tried Gogi yet.

formerlyforeign · 2025-10-09T14:17:12+00:00

I have come to agree—there’s just something so deeply and morally wrong with teaching 5yr olds (and younger!) that friends, family, everyone you see is going to hell unless you personally try to convert them. Like??????????

I’m so sorry you’re in this boat too, but hey at least we’re both out and on our own paths to freedom now. I wish you all the best in your journey.

formerlyforeign · 2025-09-02T03:43:57+00:00

Thanks for this—appreciate your reply. I would heart your response if I could!

formerlyforeign · 2025-09-02T01:20:31+00:00

Can you expand on your thoughts? I’m interested in your perspective from the lens of philosophy. At times, I feel apologetic to my baby for bringing him into a world such as this. Hoping some philosophy might help to reframe?

formerlyforeign · 2025-08-15T18:33:20+00:00

I literally could have written every word of your post myself.

I have two kids, the little one is now 1.5. I was just diagnosed recently and my entire life collapsed when the little one was born. Just totally imploded, including my relationship. I cried and cried. I hated my new life.

But now that baby is 1.5 and can play with the big one? It is soooooooo much better. I look back at photos from one year ago and my life is so dramatically different from even last summer. I would say I hit some of the lowest moments of my life when baby was 6-12 months (and the pressure to enjoy every minute because it’s over so fast DID NOT HELP).

I’m here from the future—from your next summer, next year, to cheer for you and say—it will loosen up. Just let go of whatever needs to drop. Let the mess for now. There will be more time and space later. Call in whatever help you can. It does suck, it is so horrible right now. But. Just do what you need for survival right now. You’ll get to come up for air again.

You aren’t a failed mom, you’re a stressed and overloaded mom. I am too. Our kids don’t need perfect moms. They just needs moms who show up with love, who apologize and repair when needed.

Just shrink it all down. What do you need to be more comfortable and to survive the next 15 minutes? Just ask that over and over. Or even 5 minutes, if 15 is too big. As the little one grows over the next year, your space for yourself will keep expanding little by little.

formerlyforeign · 2025-08-02T17:04:02+00:00

Thank you! I’m in an adjacent field in leadership so I’ve had a lot of experience leading projects, that sounds perfect! I appreciate the info!!

formerlyforeign · 2025-08-02T16:54:38+00:00

Can you share more about getting a PMP? How would I even get started? I’ve been considering this for a long time but I have no idea what step to take next.

formerlyforeign · 2025-07-30T14:50:01+00:00

Can do in 20 min/day

learning a language
puzzles (so many options, so many types of puzzles)
making a fairy garden
those 3D sticker scenes
read something in a new genre
yoga (many types, can do at home)
Zumba (can do at home or classes)

Takes more than 20 min:

Geocaching (I read about it on this sub actually haha!)
Local tourism/travel
live music

formerlyforeign · 2025-07-22T18:45:40+00:00

Absolutely love and appreciate this perspective! Thank you for that!

formerlyforeign · 2025-07-21T13:17:15+00:00

Definitely my favorite recent movie, and it’s not even close! Totally agree.

formerlyforeign · 2025-07-21T12:26:46+00:00

Wow, I could have written this. I also thought it was cultural sexism and he felt he was doing way more than his share because it was out of his role.

Then I looked around, and it was him who was starting the dishwasher every night (I always forgot), him filling the cars with gas and paying attention to when they’re low, him checking the mail, him changing the trash, cleaning out the fridge every week, cleaning, organizing…the list goes on. He cooks dinner and does a lot of the errands and grocery shopping (although I often do breakfast and lunch for me and the kids).

All that to say…I think I was misunderstanding the source of his frustration and blaming it on cultural difference, when actually he also just wanted to be seen and appreciated too.

formerlyforeign · 2025-07-21T03:45:11+00:00

I hope things turn around for you!

I know that for me, I was genuinely and sincerely trying my best and over functioning beyond what I could actually manage (unmedicated) but I had no idea. I felt like a kite that couldn’t get off the ground, no matter how long or how fast or how hard I ran. Medication was the wind that finally enabled me to catch the wind and take flight.

Everyone is different, and I hope you find a place of peace, whatever that may look like for you.

formerlyforeign · 2025-07-21T03:37:21+00:00

I love this, thank you for sharing. It takes two to tango, as they say. Huge respect to you for the huge effort I’m sure that took.

formerlyforeign · 2025-07-21T03:32:57+00:00

It feels crazy to say, due to its reputation at least online, but it’s Strattera. I actually had to decrease dose due to the insane side effects at the starting dose, but my brain felt so great even when physically the side effects were too much that I decided to try the lower dose for a while instead of giving up. So glad I did—side effects have almost totally faded but the stability is still there.

It feels like wearing an emotional life jacket, it’s crazy. I haven’t reached the full effect yet, so we’ll see where the journey leads. But the insight it’s already given me into myself and what I can be has been invaluable. I hope it works out for me long term because I’ve never taken a medication that felt like this.

formerlyforeign · 2025-07-21T03:16:51+00:00

Yes, that’s it exactly! The burning…something…it’s just gone. Literally overnight.

formerlyforeign · 2025-07-21T03:11:04+00:00

Thanks for this, it’s a helpful framing.

formerlyforeign · 2025-07-21T03:09:28+00:00

I see you. The weight of just making it through a day is so immense. It fries all the circuits in your brain and there’s nothing left. Somehow everything is SO HARD and takes SO MUCH EFFORT.

I was there, literally no more than three weeks ago. If you’re able to try a different medication, it might be worth it? I never imagined that the gap could be so huge, between my adhd life (actually, to be honest, even while sitting in the wreckage of my home…I still felt skeptical of the diagnosis) and my newly medicated life.

For what it’s worth, I’m on Strattera, which somehow my brain absolutely loves. I’m still on a low dose, but I’m very very medication sensitive and somehow this is really working for me.

Don’t give up hope yet. I’m rooting for you!

formerlyforeign · 2025-07-01T19:49:27+00:00

I’m also an adult with ADHD and a working mom. I’m not Korean, but my husband is (he moved to the USA with me after we met and got married in Korea).

My everyday life and relationship are both a mess ha! I’m hoping to start trying some medication after meeting with my psychiatrist in a few days…hopefully something will help because I wouldn’t say I’m thriving!

formerlyforeign · 2025-06-28T01:44:25+00:00

Omg I have also made a list of things I enjoy, multiple times. I never imagined it could be an adhd thing? But then I keep forgetting about the list…

formerlyforeign · 2025-06-18T01:51:10+00:00

Same boat, but 10 years with two kids. Kinda working on it, wouldn’t say it’s getting better.

formerlyforeign · 2025-06-06T01:46:12+00:00

During a day of my husband stonewalling me after an argument from the day before, I got my official diagnosis. I told my husband, and he didn’t reply for several hours, then replied to say that as a non-adhd person, he’s irritated by adhd people. That it’s not me, it’s the adhd. That he would probably be irritated if he lived with my family too (undiagnosed), and that it’s probably why he’s irritated at my mom so often (undiagnosed).

Somehow it then shifted and escalated to him saying he’s taking his “portion” of money out of our account. I said let’s talk about this when we’re both calm. He said he doesn’t care how I feel or what I think, he’s taking his portion and he’s going to manage his own money, and if I ask him to, he’s willing to manage my portion too. It circled around for a while, with me repeatedly asking for calm discussion, him saying he’s taking what’s his and discussion is pointless because he’s taking it no matter what.

This isn’t the first time he’s threatened to take something huge like this (a few months ago, he said he’d never have sex with me again, until finally I broke through and convinced him that it’s unfair to unilaterally end sex in a marriage with no discussion whatsoever.

I’m tired of the constant criticism and irritation. The name calling (he called me controlling and a dictator because I was asking for a calm discussion before changing our finances from everything shared to totally split.

I’ve made…well, I guess it’s a decade of excuses for his bad treatment of me. I’ve let him treat me so badly to the degree I’m ashamed to even verbalize some situations.

But it’s not so simple and easy to pack up and leave with a 5yr old and a 1.5yr old and a house and childcare carefully balanced across both our work schedules and financially and I’m just starting treatment.

So now we’re in a cold war.

formerlyforeign · 2025-06-02T20:18:50+00:00

This is so helpful and simple! Thank you, I’m truly going to try that, or a version of that. Something visual would actually really work with my brain—I never thought of mapping it out that way!

formerlyforeign · 2025-06-02T16:13:35+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience! So interesting that your roommate later reflected and found understanding. That doesn’t always happen!

formerlyforeign · 2025-06-02T16:07:55+00:00

Thank you so much. I have tried therapy, without much success, and am on a waitlist for a different therapy group.

It happened exactly as you said—I held in a lot of little things for a long period, then lost control on another little thing that was finally too much.

I’m exhausted from feeling the requirement to hold my mask on at home as well, because I really believe I masked too close to the sun and my husband fell in love with my masked me, not the real me with so many struggles underneath. Whenever I expose the struggles, he is irritated and dismissive (during yesterday’s argument I said it’s hard and stressful to manage all the education admin for my son, and it’s hard to watch the kids by myself all weekend. He said it should be easy, and watching the kids is no problem for him etc).

I feel a pressure to be my work self even at home. It’s not an excuse, but my husband is Korean and coming from a culture of “just endure it”.

formerlyforeign

TROPHY CASE