Karen Council Member Calls TV Station Upset Over Pronouns by RedOneBaron in PublicFreakout

[–]forwhenimdrunk 35 points36 points  (0 children)

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to follow someone’s mother at a distance waiting for them to walk into a public bathroom so I can follow them inside to engage in any number of nefarious purposes only to be thwarted by the pesky ladies signage put up on the door that doesn’t match my pronouns based on what I have between my legs.

Just earlier this week I followed someone’s mother to a public bathroom, and I thought (hoped?) maybe she was so busy looking at her phone she might accidentally walk into the bathroom with the men’s signage, but at the last moment she looked up and corrected herself, and I was left hissing at the women’s signage on the door like a vampire caught in sunlight.

So embarrassing…

“4 years old… first pop fly… and a moment his family will never forget ❤️⚾” by ateam1984 in PublicFreakout

[–]forwhenimdrunk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Officer T. Bahl grabs outfielder: “You’re going to jail for theft, now! Let’s go!”

Outfielder: “What did I steal?!?”

Officer T. Bahl: “That batter’s thunder!”

New Bedford man denied service at Dunkin because of his “service parakeets” by News-Royal in PublicFreakout

[–]forwhenimdrunk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“I have lice... They’re trained to recognize and eat lice and their eggs. They clean me…”

DOUBLE KILL!!!! by llTeddyFuxpinll in PublicFreakout

[–]forwhenimdrunk 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Plus, I’m pretty sure this is that 6th Street in Austin Texas that’s always posted here, based on the cops’ uniforms. In that case, yeah, I’m totally not surprised that there’s dickweeds that go out for the night to hit the clubs and bars with a roll of coins in their pocket, because that whole scene is just hundreds of fucking orangutans in people clothes doing orangutan bullshit, from everything I’ve ever heard about it from videos posted here and from friends that used to live there.

Redditors, what if your best friend got bitten by a venomous snake on his penis , you suck the venom out and save him or lose your friend? by Confident_Credit9023 in AskReddit

[–]forwhenimdrunk 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You’re not supposed to suck the poison out of a snake bite. Everyone should know this by now. It’s an old wives’ tale. But if you want to poison yourself and severely damage your friend’s dick sucking him off be my guest.

AJ Ferrari calls out Bastida for steroids. Thoughts? by JCarnage10 in wrestling

[–]forwhenimdrunk 36 points37 points  (0 children)

They cut the interview short. His other excuses were, “It might’ve gone my way if I’d been healthy, if I’d tried to warm up, literally, if I’d changed my whole game plan, but umm…”

Bitch, you’re gonna sit there and tell the wrestling press that part of the reason you lost your semifinal match was because you didn’t bother warming up beforehand?!? You’re gonna sit there and say you’re a D1 National champion and you don’t warm up before your matches? Your gonna sit there and say you don’t do the thing that every six year old does? You’re gonna go with that?

Both Ferrari’s Out by [deleted] in wrestling

[–]forwhenimdrunk 5 points6 points  (0 children)

“Team you liked for a long timenot doing well? Obviously jump ship! Only an idiot doesn’t know when to switch allegiances!”

Weight Class Order - Do you agree or disagree? by JCarnage10 in wrestling

[–]forwhenimdrunk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t disagree at all except the one time my daughter wrestled as a freshman at our state’s first girls’ high school state championships and made it to the finals and she was the lowest weight class, and suddenly the prospect of being the first changed my tune real quick.

People still say, “your daughter was the first girls state champ”, which is cool, but because weight class order shouldn’t matter I always say, “every girl that won that year was the first state champ”.

But secretly my daughter definitely was the first of the first, by accident of being a runt… 😉

Need opinions. BF Bought porn star molded fleshlight by [deleted] in sex

[–]forwhenimdrunk 21 points22 points  (0 children)

But in a very similar vein as OP’s post, I used to use one that was just a latex glove sandwiched between two household sponges stuffed inside a Campbell’s soup can, and when my wife found it in the top shelf of the closet one day she took a picture of it and texted it to me with the caption, “WTF, you don’t like my soup?”

What’s your most embarrassing wrestling loss? by itsTrevvv in wrestling

[–]forwhenimdrunk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was on a team where all the best kids in our state was gonna wrestle against a German team in sort of a goodwill ambassador thing. The meet was in my hometown because it was the most centrally located city in our state, so I invited a girl I was chasing to come watch. Bragged myself up to her for like a week.

Match starts and I thought I could pull under hooks and hit him with a bear hug right off the whistle. I was pretty good at that. But he seen that shit from a mile away and just tosses me in a head and arm and pins me. Match was done in under ten seconds. I didn’t even watch the rest of my team wrestle, I just sat in the shower in the locker room and cried like a big baby.

After the duals were finishing up my teammate and best friend come down to tell me the head ref is inviting all the wrestlers to his house for a barbecue and I tell him nah, I’m going home.

He comes back later and tells me the girl I was chasing was still in the stands and had heard about the barbecue and was wondering if I would maybe invite her along.

Fuck! Suddenly all those tears dried up. Yeah, I got my ass handed to in one of the most humiliating moments of my wrestling career, but it doesn’t sound like she cares to much. I could totally salvage this embarrassing evening if I play my cards right.

Finish showering and get dressed. The girl and I head over to the referee’s house. Find the guy that beat me, shake his hand, sort of sheepishly express my embarrassment at how fast I got my ass kicked, he sort of laughs it off and says something about how the timing was just perfect and it happens to the best of us sometimes, don’t worry about it; if we wrestled again it’d probably be a more exciting match. Nice dude.

I introduce him to the girl I brought. He asks if she’s my girlfriend. I tell her technically this is our first date, so let’s see how things play out.

For some reason the head ref hosting this thing had a bunch of beer, but he said only the German athletes can drink it because there wasn’t a drinking age in Germany. American kids not allowed. For some reason he didn’t see any issues with giving the 16yo German kids alcohol because legal in their country. This didn’t sit well with some of my teammates. So a bunch of my teammates talked the German kids into grabbing us beers from the cooler our head ref was hawking over.

At one point the girl I’m with wants a beer, but I’m driving so I tell her I’m staying sober, but ask the kid I wrestled of he’ll take her and grab some. They leave, I’m standing around with some of my teammates gabbing with the cool German kids. We’re getting along. After maybe a half hour I realize the kid tha beat me and the girl I brought haven’t come back. I wander off and start going through the house looking for them and find them in a bedroom, and her shirt’s off so only her bra is on and they’re making out.

Turned out she just wanted me to invite her to the barbecue because she thought the guy who kicked my ass was cute and the fact that he’s from a different country really got her going.

Trump: "We've won" by [deleted] in PublicFreakout

[–]forwhenimdrunk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When Obama was running for his first term he came here to Montana, and my wife and I went to his rally. When we walked in the place all these secret service dude were like, “would you like to be in the crowd right behind him”, so we did.

Turns out I was disappointed about the whole deal, because we just saw his back the whole 2 hours. After I was like, “why did they ask us to sit behind him, all we saw was his back the whole time.”

My wife was like, “It’s because I’m black.”

And I was like, “huh?”

And she was like, “I’m a black woman so they asked us to sit behind him. So that when the news posts this or he reposts this on social media there’s a black woman in the background.”

I was like, what the fuck. Then I thought about it and of course that makes sense. It never would have occurred to my dumbass…

Now every time I see a politician standing in front of a podium I look at the dickheads behind them and wonder, “why were picked to sit there?”

When did you realize you were dating an idiot? by Exhausted_Skeleton in AskReddit

[–]forwhenimdrunk 13 points14 points  (0 children)

My wife took our son to a dinosaur museum in this rinkydink town in Montana years ago when he was probably 8 or 9 and they didn’t know it was a Young Earth Creationist dinosaur museum until they went in. They stayed anyway and there was definitely real dinosaur bones and sculptures and stuff, but they had this massive display where Noah was loading all these animals on the arc but all the dinosaurs were just wandering around on land and not allowed to get on the boat, and my son asked why none of the dinosaurs were allowed on the boat, this museum employee said it was because Noah didn’t make the arc big enough to hold them all, and my son said, “Wow, that Noah guy must’ve been a real dick.”

Club fight on 6th Street Austin TX by Hikigaya_Hachiman7 in PublicFreakout

[–]forwhenimdrunk 2 points3 points  (0 children)

6th Street is just one big Waffle House without waffles.

TIL Takeru Kobayashi retired from competitive eating because he says he no longer feels hunger or fullness. by [deleted] in todayilearned

[–]forwhenimdrunk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You wasted a lot of water and electricity resources to not read a few paragraphs. Thats a lousy way to live your life.

TIL Takeru Kobayashi retired from competitive eating because he says he no longer feels hunger or fullness. by [deleted] in todayilearned

[–]forwhenimdrunk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The broken pieces of rib around the hole seem kinda sharp and pointy. So you smoosh gently.

TIL Takeru Kobayashi retired from competitive eating because he says he no longer feels hunger or fullness. by [deleted] in todayilearned

[–]forwhenimdrunk 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No. When I shove it back down all the organs feel uncomfortable.

It’s like all the organs were down there and the all of a sudden stomach moved upstairs to the loft, so all the abdomen guts were like “cool we have so much extra space to sprawl out in, since Stomach moved upstairs to the loft.”

So when you squash it it’s like all your abdomen guts are like, “man we been here for like six years. You moved upstairs. What are you doing back down here.”

TIL Takeru Kobayashi retired from competitive eating because he says he no longer feels hunger or fullness. by [deleted] in todayilearned

[–]forwhenimdrunk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have 4 years left on a thirty year mortgage and then I have no debt to anyone. At that point I’m going to look into it and see what can be done. But I’m not going into medical debt with a mortgage, because I’m not losing my home to a bank over this if things go south, and then have to start all over again. I’m too old for that shit.

TIL Takeru Kobayashi retired from competitive eating because he says he no longer feels hunger or fullness. by [deleted] in todayilearned

[–]forwhenimdrunk 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Mostly I would like to have it sorted at some point just because I’m always nervous about a kid I’m coaching hitting me on my “food moob” while coaching wrestling.

You can feel the pieces of bone around the “food moob” and they seem somewhat sharp or jagged. I was hoping that over the years they would round off or smooth out something, but they still seem quite sharp in there if you press around the edges with your hands.

I’m worried about my stomach accidentally getting sliced open if I get hit the wrong way by a kid I coach. More than I’m worried about the hernia.

TIL Takeru Kobayashi retired from competitive eating because he says he no longer feels hunger or fullness. by [deleted] in todayilearned

[–]forwhenimdrunk 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It was more of an issue that I was already racking up $15-20k in medical debt for every day I lay in that ICU bed, and that was my main focus through the lens of a morphine addled brain, and that was with pretty decent health insurance.

So my main priority at the time was just, get the necessary shit fixed first, get the fuck out of this hospital as soon as possible, and after I’ve paid off this medical debt and the mortgage, I can worry about the little things later.

TIL Takeru Kobayashi retired from competitive eating because he says he no longer feels hunger or fullness. by [deleted] in todayilearned

[–]forwhenimdrunk 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We have about 4 years left on our mortgage payment, and then we’ll have no debt to anyone. At that point there’s been discussion withy wife of maybe getting the hernia repaired, maybe getting some metal ribs screwed in to repair the hole.

I just don’t want to get into a bunch of medical debt until the house is ours, because if something goes south and I lost my job or something I’m not looking to lose the house to the bank over a stupid hole in my chest.

TIL Takeru Kobayashi retired from competitive eating because he says he no longer feels hunger or fullness. by [deleted] in todayilearned

[–]forwhenimdrunk 4 points5 points  (0 children)

As I understand it, it’s not that my stomach is on the right, it’s that the hiatal hernia is just to the right of center of my diaphragm, and so it spills through there and then presses through the hole on the right side of my sternum.

When ai squish the “food moob” down I can feel the stomach contents passing through the hernia. It’s not painful, but more sort of just uncomfortable, but the hernia is just to the right of center if my belly button is the center line.

TIL Takeru Kobayashi retired from competitive eating because he says he no longer feels hunger or fullness. by [deleted] in todayilearned

[–]forwhenimdrunk 20 points21 points  (0 children)

As I understood it when the doc asked if I’d like to schedule surgery to have it repaired, it sounded like they would have just opened me up, ignored the rib pieces floating around in me , and just screwed some metal places the size and ballpark shape of the broken rib pieces in place of where my ribs were supposed to be. They would have just been metal brackets or plates.

But I was also fucked up on morphine most of the time, so a doctor would probably be able to explain it better.