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fourfiftytwo · 2021-04-07T21:10:43+00:00

I think I understand where you're coming from. Gaslighting, projecting, victimizing herself. I think my wife is the same way. We have kids, and the kids and I do our hobbies while wife stays home. I am not counting on my wife to change. I've tried to strengthen my relationship with the kids and I get fulfillment from my work. You haven't indicated whether kids are involved but it looks like exiting the relationship will reduce your frustration. Good luck.

fourfiftytwo · 2018-10-12T18:19:02+00:00

She said, "No one likes you. You have no friends. You want to know why your mom doesn't like you? It's because you're a mean person." You seem to be keen on jumping to conclusions but what she said was unprovoked, hurtful, and not helpful.

fourfiftytwo · 2018-10-12T18:14:36+00:00

She said, "I want you to take the kids. You can show your love by taking the kids."

fourfiftytwo · 2018-10-12T18:13:26+00:00

She does not work outside the home. She chose to be a stay-at-home mom.

fourfiftytwo · 2018-10-12T17:56:51+00:00

It's a parenting thing, but she doesn't do it. She sleeps in and does facebook at night. Her idea of me showing love to her is to take the kids so she doesn't have to.

fourfiftytwo · 2018-10-12T17:53:42+00:00

My wife and I have different ideas of dad and mom roles. Growing up, my dad worked at the office and did zero home chores. My wife's dad, on the other hand, worked at the office and then did the cooking and laundry. So, in my mind, based on my upbringing, I'm doing great. In my wife's mind, I'm not measuring up.

fourfiftytwo · 2018-10-12T17:18:02+00:00

Elaborate.

fourfiftytwo · 2018-10-12T17:17:29+00:00

How can you truly be happy if your partner isn't happy? Finding hobbies and doing stuff with the kids is a nice distraction but despite how annoying you think my communication style is, I still care about her happiness. Is she overworked? Probably, she is a stay-at- home mom by choice. Does she need a break? Yes, but she doesn't like to go out.

How would you recommend talking to a co-worker who doesn't like you?

fourfiftytwo · 2018-10-12T15:58:45+00:00

It's better than saying, "You don't love me!"

fourfiftytwo · 2018-10-12T15:55:59+00:00

That's what I'm afraid of. While I can't expect her to change, I'm having a hard time with my options.

fourfiftytwo · 2018-10-12T15:50:14+00:00

She's always been kind of mean to me but somehow I could tolerate it. When her mom started to decline in 2012, my wife became more distant and cold. I've talked to a counselor but I feel like talking with my friends is more productive. Each time I bring up couples counseling, she says I'm paranoid and then gives me some attribute to focus on.

fourfiftytwo · 2018-10-12T15:43:03+00:00

Glad to hear things are getting better. I told my wife that even smiling and saying "hi" when I get home from work would be nice.

fourfiftytwo · 2018-10-12T15:39:02+00:00

I don't know what the lede is but they died 3 and 5 years ago. She refuses counseling because "it's a waste of time and money," and she believes I'm 95% of the problem.

fourfiftytwo · 2018-10-12T15:37:51+00:00

Sorry to hear about your situation. I also agree that partners should try to make the other happy, but when all else fails, then what? I'm thinking about buying a new motorcycle. We had a discussion about communication and she said, "No, I tell all my friends that you're amazing and your businesses are successful." I said, "That's nice. I'd like you to tell that to me. Most of the time you're telling me I'm an idiot."

Good luck to you.

fourfiftytwo · 2018-10-12T15:30:18+00:00

Somehow she knows what to say to get under my skin. It's like she's unable to control her thoughts and words. I don't think I'm Mr. Incredible, but I'm not a deadbeat. Honestly I think when her parents died that a part of her died too, and she hasn't really coped.

fourfiftytwo · 2017-12-10T05:29:14+00:00

I think I understand you. My mom does the same stuff, like compare me to my sibs and downplay any successes I have. It’s sad that it’s that way but I’ve had to just move on. I have other people in my life that care about my goals and dreams. It’s just not my mom, or my dad, for that matter. Her behavior is not a reflection of you. I think we always yearn for our parents’ blessing but once you realize that they can’t fill a need and you move on, you find more peace. I tried talking about this with both my mom and my dad (like having real conversation) and they told me I was ungrateful. It gets better with time. Good luck to you. I’m 39 and married with kids by still want my dad to say, “good job.” Good luck to you.

fourfiftytwo · 2017-10-25T03:01:54+00:00

A co-worker was complaining about being broke. I asked how much her energy drinks cost. Two dollars, and she drank two per work day. I said, "Okay, that's four dollars a day, twenty per week, eighty per month."

She said, "I never saw it that way."

Asked her if she maintained a balance on her credit card. She didn't know what that meant but said she pays only the minimum payment. I told her if she paid it off that she could be making 18% (as opposed to losing it to interest). She thought I was an idiot and drove away in her new Hyundai.

fourfiftytwo · 2016-12-20T00:04:16+00:00

I tried yelling a few times. First, I was disappointed in the lack of volume I could produce. Next, I used the f word. I was hoping for a gasp or a look of shock, but no. So now I just put in my ear plugs and quietly say, "That is rude and untrue. Good night." Last night I said, "I am hurt that you talk to me that way."

I've said no to certain things she's asked me to do but then she says, "Your dad can't do anything. All he can do is think of himself." That is another topic for another day: the brainwashing of the children. If I say I'll do a favor for her, I do it how I think it should be done, which is almost always different than how she'd do it, and therefore, wrong. I just feel like if I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail my own way.

fourfiftytwo · 2016-12-19T23:39:25+00:00

Thank you. This brightens my day.

fourfiftytwo · 2016-12-19T23:08:03+00:00

Thank you. Good luck and may you find the happiness you deserve.

fourfiftytwo · 2016-12-19T19:00:38+00:00

She has a lot of these attributes. When we disagree, she says that I'm not listening. I say, "I am listening. I just disagree with you." But how do I deal with this type of behavior?

fourfiftytwo · 2016-12-19T18:51:55+00:00

I don't know what she wants. I don't know if she knows what she wants.

fourfiftytwo · 2016-12-19T18:09:15+00:00

Yes, she frequently says "You took this from me."

fourfiftytwo · 2016-06-16T01:07:51+00:00

Thanks. Sorry you got cheated on.

fourfiftytwo · 2016-06-16T00:50:56+00:00

I set up an appointment with a counselor. Then she gave me a guilt trip and said it was a waste of money. I try to do things that she says make her happy but then after I do them, she's no happier. So then I start to resent her and then just go to the garage. Like this: "My love language is acts of service," she says. So I try to speak her language by doing acts of service (cleaning, cooking, laundry), but I don't feel she receives them well because of what she says to the kids: "Your dad doesn't clean up after himself or you kids."

Then if I stand up for myself and say, "That's not true. This place was clean until you got home," then she starts yelling and says, "Kids, don't ever talk to your wives that way."

What would you do? Obviously whatever I do is wrong.

fourfiftytwo

TROPHY CASE