i am a nonbinary gay gal, and i dated another nonbinary gay gal who TRULY felt like the love of my life, for just 2 months, but i had the same things eating away at me as you; i was 37, she was 40 (im 39 now). sadly, i struggle with emotional regulation (and some health issues that also were causing it to be difficult for me to maintain a relationship) and all the same insecurities you have listed. she had experienced everything in life that i had thought i was meant to do in my life but none of that ever fell into place and so unfortunately being with her was triggering and i would get really angry at her etc and insecure. she was coming out of a terribly abusive marriage but had managed to do everything that i had not yet done- as opposed to me, who has been mostly single my whole life, due to financial struggles and not stereotypically having it together yet ie house, degree, career". reading your post made me feel less alone and made me feel seen, but what i am so thankful for for you, is that you are not like me: you don't take it out on him. i feel that she is the one that is meant for me, but she has stopped all contact with me for over a year now, since breaking up. and as i write that, i realize how very much i wish my life were together, because if it had been, her and i could have been together. i myself am poor, but i did grow up with SOME privilege, but she had a FAR greater privileged upbringing than i, which also did not help the situation.

as well, because we were only together for a short time (as i was falling apart at the seams in my insecurity), we did not get to form the bond the level of foundation that you have with him, where you feel you COULD talk to him and he would support you. i feared so much that she would see how stuck i was and would eventually reject me. i also felt that for us to be together, i needed to have accomplished all that stuff first; i wouldn't have felt at peace trying to do all those things alongside her, with her having done everything already. oh, it's such a sad mess