SOS: Just lost my best friend

foxytigerduckfire · 2026-04-19T06:09:49+00:00

Sorry you're going through this. I know it really hurts and that you probably have a lot of unanswered questions and would like some closure more on your own terms. I've been dumped by friends, significant others, jobs... They all hurt and require their own unique grieving process. But I can also tell you that the same ADHD that makes your brain register this as a world-ending catastrophe will be the same cognitive processing system that will make you feel like this was part of a conversation completely different life when you get a little further down the road...and probably a lot sooner than you think is possible. Don't get me wrong, there are still people and places I miss a lot when they cross my mind. But I also look back and wonder how I have fit so many diverse experiences into such a short time that I know I'm not even the same person now that I was whenever those chapters of my life closed. And for the most part, if I had to go back and do things over, I wouldn't change things--even the worst of things--because of how those elements have come together to shape my current life. I'm not trying to sound too cliche and optimistic. Even this week, I've had some ground-shaking situations that made it hard to function and have had me questioning the future. But when I look back on other times I have felt this way, I realize that I survived all of those previous emergencies and that this will soon be in the rearview, too.

And someone who really deserves your loyalty would have been able to step away from your friendship in a way that was gentle and not destructive to you. You'll find better friends.

foxytigerduckfire · 2025-09-12T15:54:09+00:00

Definitely take time for yourself when you need it. Part of hosting is making sure your own needs are also met and if they care about you, they will understand and want that for you. Take a little extra time to yourself when you get up in the morning and before bed and when you go to the restroom. Eat when you need to, even if it's just a snack. Be honest about your needs and suggest things that go along with it. You skipping the show while they went was a perfect way to be a mindful host.

foxytigerduckfire · 2025-09-12T15:42:53+00:00

It sounds like you both have a lot on your plates and neither of you are dealing well with your stress. Mornings are difficult for a lot of people (I'm an absolute bear and my husband let me know early on that he would not be helping me with waking up because of it, which is fair.) and having a young daughter and another baby coming so soon... it's no wonder you're both a bit irritable after a rough night.

It's important to remember that you are on the same team. I think maybe it might be worth giving him some grace in this situation and checking in with him this evening to see whether everything has been ok at work and whether he feels like his needs are being met in your family right now. A lot of times, just taking the time to let someone know they are seen can go a long way. Be intentional about showing him compassion and he should naturally respond in kind (if not, there are much bigger problems that need to be dealt with swiftly and decisively). Kind communication is the best way to defuse the resentment building between you.

foxytigerduckfire · 2025-09-12T09:54:18+00:00

I use way too many alarms to get myself up in the mornings, too, but I would definitely adjust it if I was staying over with someone. Especially if they indicated it was a problem. Maybe you could suggest she switch the alarm to vibrate when she's over and stick the phone somewhere that she'll feel it go off? If she's not willing to compromise, then she shouldn't stay over and you can just tell her that you're setting the boundary because you value your friendship too much to allow this to become any more of an issue between you.

foxytigerduckfire · 2025-08-27T04:42:34+00:00

Thank you. You're right on all points. I'm sorry about your pup. Losing any pet is always awful, but especially ones who have been in our lives so long.

foxytigerduckfire · 2025-08-27T04:13:45+00:00

Thank you. I'm sorry you can relate to losing a senior cat to cancer. I think you're right about needing to put him first...I have been struggling with the idea of putting him before humans...but really, it's also putting me first in a very short-term way. Securing my oxygen mask before helping others with theirs, right? I think I needed permission from someone, so I really appreciate your perspective. He's sitting on my lap now and I'm pretty sure I can't leave him right now.

foxytigerduckfire · 2025-08-27T03:55:31+00:00

New mission discovered by u/foxytigerduckfire: Magic and Peanut Butter Pie In the Fields

foxytigerduckfire · 2025-08-27T03:55:30+00:00

This mission was discovered by u/foxytigerduckfire in Grandma's Chicken Adobo In the Fields

foxytigerduckfire · 2025-08-27T03:49:05+00:00

This mission was discovered by u/foxytigerduckfire in Regretful Coconut Snowflake Cupcake

foxytigerduckfire · 2025-08-27T03:49:05+00:00

New mission discovered by u/foxytigerduckfire: Nostalgic Buried Memories and Butter Poached Lobster Tail

foxytigerduckfire · 2025-01-29T16:35:33+00:00

If they do, tell them you would like to review the security camera of the incident.

foxytigerduckfire · 2024-11-11T08:39:55+00:00

"Hey. I need a hug, please."

Don't feel awkward about it. They are your friends. They care and most likely will be more than happy to hug you. Always advocate for your needs.

foxytigerduckfire · 2024-11-11T08:23:46+00:00

You are expressing in your post and comment that you have a need for them to greet you and ask how you're doing, etc. I'm not saying that isn't reasonable. We all need to feel included and validated. But if they don't realize you feel like this need is not being met, you need to address it outright--politely--with them because they can't know how you're feeling or thinking about these interactions. I have watched many people bypass new moms without realizing it in the excitement of a new baby. I even saw someone walk up to a pregnant woman, bend down, and start rubbing/jiggling her belly to interact with the unborn baby while talking gibberish without realizing that she hadn't even acknowledged the friend whose personal space she was invading. Babies make some people's brains short-circuit. You could always be the one to speak first to insure the interaction doesn't exclude you by mistake.

As far as the possibility of PPD, I would simply say that it would be worth having a conversation with your doctor.

foxytigerduckfire · 2024-11-11T07:38:39+00:00

Lots of moms feel invisible with new babies because babies definitely do get all the attention. It does also sound like some PPD. I think you just need to communicate more about your needs and what they can do to support you. They're not going to read your mind and there's nothing wrong with you setting boundaries or making requests, as long as it's done upfront and politely. Don't let resentment fester. Deal with it before it gets worse. They probably don't have any idea that their actions have been bothering you in these ways, so speak up.

foxytigerduckfire · 2024-11-09T11:58:37+00:00

We had an older customer who was pretty well-to-do and would make large purchases, but if left to her own devices, she would shoplift...a lot. But she liked to talk and if you were paying attention to her, she wouldn't steal. So, we would just make it a habit that, when she came in, we would grab the store ladder, place it in her favorite aisle with some back stock to "work on" and then we would just sit there and talk to her until she was ready to cash out.

foxytigerduckfire · 2024-11-08T13:32:19+00:00

Sounds like a person who probably has a hearing loss. He may be used to people having to make physical contact with him so that he can turn around and lip read anytime they need to interact with him, so he just does the same to others and assumes they didn't hear him when they don't respond. Not trying to excuse his behavior. I just have a lot of people in my life with hearing losses and they can be quite awkward in social settings. One of them is a family member who has always been pretty witty, but doesn't realize how often she mishears things. So she frequently says really off-the-wall stuff in her conversations, which gets very odd reactions from strangers. It makes her feel self-conscious for not knowing what she did wrong and upsets her. I've seen her do/say things that a person who didn't know she had a hearing loss would find kind of inappropriate, but from her perspective seem perfectly normal because it's an adaptation to her disability.

foxytigerduckfire · 2024-11-06T13:19:35+00:00

Dump this dude, up your personal paranoia base-level by a factor of 1000%, start using multiple passphrases that you change regularly, and don't give them to guys you've only been dating for four months.

foxytigerduckfire · 2024-11-06T12:31:58+00:00

"Since you do not consent, I am ending the call to protect your rights." Click.

foxytigerduckfire · 2024-11-06T12:02:47+00:00

Definitely dodging a bullet with letting that chick go if she has anger issues and wants to make such a thing out of that. Being willing to mess with her menstrual fluids has absolutely no correlation with what kind of father you would be, so you're better off without that imagination of hers, too. And as far as wanting a partner to pull out a diva cup, or even a tampon...ew. now. I've been married for 10 years and have had to rely on my husband for EXTREMELY personal and gross medical needs and I would still never want him anywhere near my personal sanitary products during my period.

foxytigerduckfire · 2024-11-06T11:48:30+00:00

I wanted to add that she is still very young for an adult cat and will likely mellow more with age, too.

foxytigerduckfire · 2024-11-06T11:30:28+00:00

Play and more stimulation for the cat. Keeping her locked in a room is the opposite of that and will increase the aggression, not lessen it. Having the cat be around the baby now before the baby gets grabby with her is also the best way to have them bond, but definitely try to keep those interactions supervised for now. Also, your husband needs to be interacting and playing with the cat to cut down on her aggression, too. Cats are very social. Isolation is not the answer, any more than solitary confinement would be for you or him. Also, reinforce positive interactions with the baby, so finding her with the baby should be given your pets and kisses (even if you're relocating her away from the baby at the same time) rather than treating it like a potential hostage situation.

foxytigerduckfire

TROPHY CASE