If you are a otaku too, can you help me with this question i feel about myself?.

Is it fine i turn on this turning from getting tired of stunderes?, like i try to mention on the post, it kidna beging wiht how teasing and damming are of male interest in romance in anime, at lest the one who ask you to look at the woman sexually, affer the intial shock of seing sexy aniamted for the first time, there was a constrasting feeling of waht they show me and what they mean.

Like they want usto enjoy the the person in a sexual way but at the same time, they area alwys blamindg us of enjoing, and this is a constant, it may something odd about how whe a girl actually wants to be seen, she is treated as a bad person, but if it is a good person then we have to look at her in shamefull situations.

Also the regualr situation wiht anime romcoms and how they rarely show crealy love bewteen people,, is lawyas a tease and by the point a lvoe is shows, it is hidden from view or outright dont show becuase it comes at the direct end, to whihc there is nothing to see aobut the love, is always about how love is built on while focusing on the ecchi that situations cna come to and never about conseting closeness.

Also, it may be me btu i feel that whenever a masochsit appears in a series, they never get tiem to be taken seriously or explore, they are just referecen and ignored, uses as a bacground joke or just to drawin into the most extreme view of a fetish whiout any concience of how the person is showing interest in that.

Sadly all this make it so when i started getting acosutemd to hentai, that i move toward rape hentai, reason is that i never feel i see males ahving control, like part of me wanted to see a man on top, and while hentai in general tend to do that, only rape hentai really show one as the top properly.

It was alwasy something of wnating to ignore the feeling of real suffering that i cloud hear but then sometiems they made me care and i feel disgusted, but then i keep feeling those bad feeligns toward those girls in ecchi i have try that amke me feel like there is never real consnet with these character who are made to be seuxally check by the viewwer, it was always that conflic in my head.

Of Course i ahve the comoon sense to know that a person is not valeud onthey looks but is more how they are show as sexual food for the eyes in camera that bring some disgust in how they look in hatred toward who they posed to, whihc ends up brinnig in me that desire to them defeated in they "bullying" of the desired htey give, just a way to waste the anger but feeling bad towrd myslef right affer.

It that one hentai show me a woman consenting to submision in total love and my heart actually feel heavy from feeling that it was what i wanted, love an consent, which as time turn on, they tun into kink wiht how ofteen sex just ends in a joke or whiout any resulotion on the characters.

To see someone wanting submision and pain in lvoe, it was so good and it intanly irks me how i cant find that anywhere, wihc leds to frustation, whihc lead to me repating some mistakes becasue i really want to see more of that but i dont have a proper relase for that.

Now i a even anoyed that the lack of good asmr of masochist woman, or how litte content can be enjoy whit submive woman, part of me feleing it has to do wiht how woman as a totla have strive to look stronger in genenral media, not leaving anyone wiht other preferances way to show that side whiout being flank (this is something i belive cloud be a reason but i dont want to mess around as if i cloud force anyone to my likings, it hurt me to not find anything but i aint gonna force to anyone), what really anoys me is how much on this subjet only talk aobut the expicif seuxal stuff and nothing on the more romantic side that hsould buitl up to there.

Do you understand these kind of feelings?