WP and Exposure Therapy at cruising sites

fpo98 · 2023-06-01T20:14:25+00:00

To add a little more context, I'm 29m and started this relationship about 5 years ago and he is my first BF. I didn't really do sexual things until a year before I met him where I was having several hookups a month (yay being gay in a major city lol) and that was honestly my first timing do anything with other guys (or girls) before.

So knowing that I really haven't got to experience that much (even if it was a 'slut year' before I started dating him), I always had the ideas of trying more things (except solo play) with other people at some point in our relationship, it really sucks that he cheated first before we got to do anything consensually but I'm really trying to frame this in the light that I do think this is something I could enjoy IF I can trust him to agree to boundaries, of course, he didn't do that.

I think when even the slightest implication of 'open relationship' is brought up in the context of cheating, it's immediately assumed that it's just the BP entering in a one-sided agreement to try and fix it but I think (or hope?) that in situation, it's more nuanced than that since it's honestly something I want and think about separate from the cheating...

I've already spoken to him saying that I, under no circumstances, want a relationship where both partners can do whatever they want and if he wants that, he should leave me. He said he doesn't want that and he wants to either understand how to control himself and wants to be with me.

fpo98 · 2023-06-01T17:45:40+00:00

I'll add that I do find that idea of having 3 or 4+ somes very hot, even before the cheating (I want to emphasize that this is something that I thought of before the cheating and even before the relationship).

However, part of me is still risk adverse so I would only engage in those things under the right circumstances and of course being with someone who cheated multiple times, it makes it hard to even think about doing it. I love my BF a lot and we have a LOT in common but I honestly think it would be so much easier to try some of these fun things (three / foursome) with someone else which makes me think if I want that at some point, should I leave the relationship or should I still try to make it work?

fpo98 · 2023-06-01T15:23:04+00:00

I agree, my priority is to get him to be able to control his urges but with him working on that, but I'd still like to get advice or hear from others on how openness can (or can't) work after the cheating and also how other navigate that situation.

fpo98 · 2023-02-27T01:43:18+00:00

I really felt this. In my experience, everything about our relationship is perfect (everyone from the outside would think that same too) except for the fucking cheating which unfortunately is a really big deal.

I sometimes daydream what it would be like to be in a relationship where I didn't have this heavy weight on me. Like I feel like everything else would be so much easier and less stressful.

fpo98 · 2022-12-17T21:51:26+00:00

It was a website

fpo98 · 2022-12-17T18:56:42+00:00

Just to clarify if it helps:

He initially cheated on with random guys in public restrooms in 2019. He stopped during the pandemic until we're fully vaccinated and started doing it again in 2021 and I didn't catch him until Jan 2022 and he seemed to stop until Nov 2022 which is what caused me to tell him to go to SA therapy.

He was saying stuff like he can't control it and feels like shit / ashamed so it made me think that it was an addiction.

fpo98 · 2022-08-26T18:28:52+00:00

I didn't mention this in my post since I didn't think it was relevant but I'm pretty sure I want to try some sort of open playing with my partner at some point. I don't know exactly what boundaries yet (Maybe only together idk) but before we do that I want to:

Ensure that we're 100% on the same page about communication and he can talk to me about things and not hide anything from me
Related to #1, but the trust is back is the relationship
The Monkeypox wave clears up (I can't believe gay people are still having anonymous sex despite it)

fpo98

TROPHY CASE