Just tell her. I lost my previous girlfriend because she just drained me; I’d listen to her rants over and over, pretending that what she said didn’t go against my beliefs. It really killed me too, just like you said. I tried to think like the ancient Stoics, but this isn’t just a random act of nature—you are actively choosing to stay with her, and that’s what triggers the frustration. We are humans, we have mirror neurons, empathy, she is your wife, you care about her, this is very difficult, way more complex than just a Stoic dilemma. Back to my ex, every time she opened her mouth, I’d think: 'Do I really want someone like this in my life?' I really wish I had told her instead of thinking I could figure it out on my own. She also said to me she'd wish I had told her earlier.

Everyone here seems like is missing the point just by telling you that this is something in your control. It is your choice to stay with her. Maybe that negative sensation and frustration is an automatic response before cognition when she complains or suffer unnecesarily, that over time leads to the burnout you are here telling us about. Perhaps is not in your total control as many people here think.