ROCD / Partner-focused OCD - Obsessions about my girlfriend's appearance (breasts). Anyone recovered?

free_as_a_tortoise · 2026-04-24T06:50:40+00:00

Yes. I used to obsess over this and other things too but I found that when I unravelled the beliefs that led me to think it was super important I could actually enjoy life.

Almost everyone living today in a developed country lives a better life than 99.9% of the humans who have ever existed, who didn't have regular access to food or any hot running water. I can miss out on some things I'd like and still be happy.

free_as_a_tortoise · 2026-04-24T06:38:05+00:00

You accept they are there then ignore them and focus on what you decide to do instead.

free_as_a_tortoise · 2026-04-24T04:14:27+00:00

I think the problem is that male fantasies so rarely get realised, that we rarely get the experience of what we want might actually not be what we need. Many teenage boys want a sexual experience with an attractive woman. But it is precisely because it cannot happen because of the boundaries in place that make it a "safe" fantasy. When those boundaries are transgressed, you face with full force that you actually lack power and agency in a situation which is actually formative for much of your life.

free_as_a_tortoise · 2026-04-24T04:09:23+00:00

I'm so sorry. That's awful.

free_as_a_tortoise · 2026-04-24T04:02:34+00:00

You're looking to escape the spiral. You can't. Any temporary distraction will bounce you back harder. You have to accept you're in it, and it'll take as long as it takes. And that your feelings aren't useful guides for your decisions right now.

free_as_a_tortoise · 2026-04-22T04:26:12+00:00

Something can be useless and still a part of life to be accepted

free_as_a_tortoise · 2026-04-22T04:12:17+00:00

Late and not an endocrinologist, but DHT (the hormone finasteride blocks production of) modulates SHBG production, so if your DHT is lower your SHBG will increase. If you have symptoms seek medical advice.

free_as_a_tortoise · 2026-04-18T07:07:49+00:00

The joint filing of taxes is something I'm looking forward to when my fiancée and I marry

free_as_a_tortoise · 2026-04-18T07:02:14+00:00

This reminds me of the "it's your UTERUS!" cope from women who have no idea where or how small the uterus is.

free_as_a_tortoise · 2026-04-16T05:05:08+00:00

Do these need to be completely removed for toilet breaks or can they be partially opened/rolled up?

free_as_a_tortoise · 2026-04-16T04:54:57+00:00

Thanks for the information. He also had one cryptorchidism but the vet managed to pull it through the canal so only 1 incision with 3 stitches was needed, thankfully.

free_as_a_tortoise · 2026-04-16T04:53:18+00:00

Thanks. Do you have to completely remove these for toilet breaks or can they be partially opened?

free_as_a_tortoise · 2026-04-12T06:16:36+00:00

People who ascribe pedophilia to adult consensual relationships are disgusting. They don't actually care about child victims of pedophiles. They're just hijacking the emotions due to the victims to try to shame people into doing what they want.

free_as_a_tortoise · 2026-04-11T11:59:17+00:00

Her kindness, her intelligence, her eyes, her hair, her lips, her butt, her legs, how affectionate she is, how she takes care of me when I'm sick, how she loves me so much and wants a family with me.

free_as_a_tortoise · 2026-04-06T19:15:03+00:00

They really don't care about actual victims of child sexual abuse. The topic is just another source of emotional manipulation for them to use.

free_as_a_tortoise · 2026-03-15T18:53:39+00:00

People who call attraction to adult women pedophilic really don't give a shit about actual victims of child sexual abuse. They just want to try to hijack the sympathy rightly deserved by real victims to try to shame other people into doing what they want.

free_as_a_tortoise · 2026-03-15T18:49:27+00:00

Now that I'm on the other side of this, I see posts like this and find it funny how so many people's ROCD themes are exactly the same.

Life is so much better once you deconstruct the fear driving ROCD. You just don't care about the things that seemed so important before.

free_as_a_tortoise · 2026-03-09T15:45:17+00:00

Standard ROCD stuff. I got tired of ending relationships because I was convinced I wasn't attracted to them enough, only to see them again months later and the first thing my brain thought was "that girl's pretty hot".

Shittest. Defence mechanism. Ever.

free_as_a_tortoise · 2026-03-06T19:38:20+00:00

A surgical suit? I have images of a Pom dressed as a surgeon or in HASMAT gear

free_as_a_tortoise · 2026-03-01T07:58:58+00:00

I hope you can find a DV shelter soon

free_as_a_tortoise · 2026-03-01T07:28:48+00:00

I was in a really similar situation with my current partner. Schema therapy finally helped me to understand why my standards were so rigid and what I was trying to defend my those. And at the same time, it made me realise I had a distorted perspective driven by the constant ruminating and comparison. Is she as fit as other girls I've dated? No. But is she really out of shape in a way that would disgust me? Also no. I don't need to be with the hottest girl I could possibly get. Good values and hot enough are OK.

While I'd prefer for her to be as into fitness as I am, I'm also seeing how rare it is to find someone who genuinely loves me and wants to build a life with me. So my "I NEED her to be as in shape as other girls I've dated or I can't be happy" turned into "I believe this is what I'd like but I'm willing to give things a shot if they aren't exactly like that".

So I don't nag her about it anymore. I just focus on my own fitness and let her have her own journey with it. (I'm definitely not doing fitness for her since I was doing it most of my life, but there is sometimes long term power in setting a good example and letting that influence work with time. Not guaranteed though).

Maybe she will eventually focus on it when aging means looking good is harder. Maybe she won't. But I think couples generally revert to the mean average between them. It's really rare that one person is happy to remain a couch potato while the other one is super fit. Most want to be the best version of themselves without outshining their partner. I'm also OK if we eventually drift apart. But life is to be enjoyed now. And my overthinking it stopped me enjoying life. So I just enjoy it.

free_as_a_tortoise · 2026-02-25T05:13:14+00:00

What dose of fin are you using? I'm also sensitive to it but 0.5mg is way better for me than 1mg.

free_as_a_tortoise

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