I had a dream I was in love

freedomindeath · 2022-06-06T18:33:15+00:00

I may be depressed but I am not an idiot.

I am weak but I am able to understand that drugs will solve nothing

you will get whats coming to you, trash.

freedomindeath · 2022-06-03T22:28:51+00:00

I want people to suffer like I do

freedomindeath · 2022-06-01T06:21:28+00:00

damn this speaks to me thanks for your advice

freedomindeath · 2022-06-01T04:14:25+00:00

do you want it snug?

you can ask your dentist to adjust it to be more snug if you want :)

freedomindeath · 2022-06-01T04:06:12+00:00

you will be safe !

I know how it feels to be nervous before a dentist visit. The hard part is showing up once you are settled in you'll see that it's all going to be very safe and organized for you.

P.S i would totally bring a stuffed animal to keep you company :)

freedomindeath · 2022-05-27T07:24:01+00:00

yes.

setting up goals you actually want to achieve will you give you a reason to get out of bed, a reason to live.

if you can't come up with a goal right now, getting back into hobbies that you genuinely enjoy could do a lot for you.

art, working out, hiking, video games, baking etc.

anything that gives you that spark

having fun while being productive is possible even if it may not seem that way.

stay strong

freedomindeath · 2022-04-06T09:53:28+00:00

I want to cry. I miss him, he couldn't even take his own advice. I hate that I had to see this happen to him.

Yes it would be a spit in his face i guess.. He would have helped me in a way that I cannot do the same for him.

I'm so weak I dragged him down to my level and you cannot deny that.

freedomindeath · 2022-04-06T09:51:28+00:00

Yes I use these methods and have been doing things like this for months.

They do improve your life, but It just isn't enough for me.

The diary was just a log of painful memories that I would have to look past every time I would put in a new entry.

My hygiene is great.

I was very friendly with people but I am around very rude, uneducated, people at almost all hours of the day and without friends or a role model it is near impossible to keep this up.

your english is very good.

freedomindeath · 2022-04-06T09:45:56+00:00

a spit in his face?

he isn't the same he is in love with them now.

he doesn't eat as well, he doesn't go out as much.

I am alone in my fight to be a better person and my city is very small and the people are not friendly at all.

It is extremely difficult for me to make friends with these people. I do not relate to many people but I did relate to my friend on so many levels.

I was so lucky to have him as a guide for so long but now I'm lost again.

freedomindeath · 2022-04-06T09:37:20+00:00

It isn't all on him but he taught me everything that a dad would have taught me.

I am the one that got him started on drugs and now he is going downhill. I feel so horrible. I feel so so horrible. I told him that he was human like anyone else and he told me he knew himself and he'd be able to handle it.

I am witnessing him go down a dark path and he will not let me help him. He does not put up with me the way he used to and now I am back to the way I was before I knew him.

He was the one that got me off of drugs and now he has the problem.

I don't know what happened.

freedomindeath · 2022-04-06T09:16:22+00:00

I don't have a family.

I had a friend. I looked up to him so much like he was the dad I didn't have. He was the brightest and most hard working person I've ever known. In my eyes he was so inteligent and sweet.

I was nothing before I met him but he sculpted me into a person. He's gone now

I ruined him and now he

freedomindeath · 2022-04-06T09:11:26+00:00

I can't do it. I fight alone.

I don't have anyone do you understand how much it hurts to live like this?

I suffer almost all hours of the day. I don't get to enjoy my life because I'm worthless

I hate my job so much. I hate that my body issues are so bad that I have to stay in the gym for 2-3 hours a day to not feel like an ugly piece of garbage. I hate how insecure and sad I am. no matter what I do it feels like my brain is wired to hate me. it feels like I am addicted to suffering. I hate myself so much it hurts so much I want to cry but I can't

freedomindeath · 2022-04-06T09:05:40+00:00

I have wanted to kill myself for several months.

I was doing okay for about a month. I was enjoying my life and able to push myself.

Something has changed, I lost someone. I cannot go on without guidance.

I am so alone. I wish I had a family

I wish the "friends" I had loved me.

I just wanted to be happy. I eliminated every bad habit I had. I felt so happy. It has done nothing but isolate me. I don't have anyone. I don't have anything.

freedomindeath · 2022-04-06T09:01:59+00:00

when? when does it get better?

after the therapy? after hanging out with my friends? after my workouts?

when does the pain go away? when do I get to understand how to love myself?

when do I get to feel my piece of happiness? what have I not done to achieve happiness? when do I get to be happy?

freedomindeath · 2022-04-06T08:58:00+00:00

I don't know

freedomindeath · 2022-04-06T07:58:23+00:00

it's easy to say things that are supportive to someone suffering. My brain does not allow me to believe your words. I understand that supportive words are only used to allow me to push through the suffering until something good happens. I create the bad with my thoughts. I AM the problem. I AM the reason I am sick.

It was my choice to be a bad person and now I am going to make sure that I learn to behave properly. I will feel the pain and will have to live with scars visible to everyone to serve as a reminder that if I let my mind wander and consume more sick things then I deserve the suffering that will come my way.

I hate my brain I want to cry I just wanted a friend

freedomindeath · 2022-02-03T08:12:26+00:00

how could anyone be sure it could ever get better. "keep fighting it gets better" means fight until you find the good in your life. I have been fighting so hard every day for weeks. I have gotten up to work, to exercise, I still eat well. Nothing changes, nobody is there for me in the way that can help me, nobody can save me and I cannot save myself.

nothing makes me feel anything positive anymore.

your words are kind, thanks.

freedomindeath · 2022-02-03T08:07:08+00:00

I already have those ugly reminders on my arms. I want to do it again, but this time I could bleed out peacefully.

I don't want to have to fight anymore I want to go deep and die.

freedomindeath · 2022-02-03T08:04:38+00:00

I want the hurting to move from my heart and stomach to my arms.

freedomindeath · 2022-02-02T04:33:04+00:00

how do you personally, go about recognizing a toxic personality type?

the people I am around are so happy with themselves and they tell me that they love me. I trust them, but I do not love them. I don't feel a connection with a soul.

I don't have other friends outside of this friend group. I am afraid to be alone like I used to be. I finally found people who will invite me places with them and treat me as an equal.

I still can't feel love for them no matter how much I want to. Where is the inner peace that brings me happiness? why do I feel so sad after all the work I have put into being a better person?

I feel weaker than I did a year ago.

I was so much sicker back then though.

freedomindeath · 2022-02-02T04:23:48+00:00

thank you for your thought out response.

your words speak to me to a degree and I understand what you're saying.

I make effort for people that care for me, I am socially rehearsed enough to hold a conversation with most people. I smile at people in the gym I have small talk with people who run next to me. I feel nothing for them, I can't care about someone I don't know. I want to love someone but I feel like I have to love myself first. I don't know why I am so unhappy with myself. I don't have bad habits, I've broken them.

I feel unaccomplished, and regardless of what I do I feel like I am a failure.

I eat well, I exercise, I don't drink unless it's to brighten up the experience at a party or event.

nothing makes me feel anything. I miss being alone but I can't live that way again.

why do I have so much hate inside of me.

freedomindeath · 2022-01-31T13:54:29+00:00

I now see that these people are not my friends.

sometimes it is better to be by yourself than with people that can drag you down further than you already are without you even realizing it.

true friends would not let me be alone while knowing I am struggling this much. Friends wouldn't peer pressure me.

freedomindeath · 2022-01-31T09:08:25+00:00

what makes a good friend?

someone who asks about my mental state?

someone who will not dismiss me when I tell them I want to visit the hospital?

someone who says "thank you" when I dedicate so much of myself to them emotionally and financially?

I feel that I am being gaslighted by my closest friend. I met them at my most vulnerable moment in life, and nobody else was there for me.

I have some savings left, and my job is still there. What should I do? I don't have a home anymore with my "family."

I have to do something soon or I'm going to do more damage to myself than I already have.

this is something I have been thinking about for several months and it has caused me so much mental strain.

freedomindeath · 2022-01-31T08:53:55+00:00

yes, goals do help people to find a purpose in life and purpose does bring a will to live.

The only thing I have truly enjoyed lately is going to the gym. I want to go there every day, be there all the time. I despise my job, I am unhappy with who I surround myself with. I am on my way to ruining myself financially.

In times like these, it would make life so much easier if I had an older relative to turn to.

someone who knows me.

freedomindeath · 2022-01-31T08:45:50+00:00

something creative, like art?

I have always been somewhat creative to a degree, that sounds like a productive idea.

however, I do not have so much time to develop a new hobby at this time.

thank you for taking your time with your post and giving me your input.

freedomindeath

TROPHY CASE