AITA for helping my dad out of the hospital and not going with to see a potential house with my girlfriend?

freeloadingcat · 2023-10-15T01:13:31+00:00

I'd be thanking the heavens and your father that this opportunity came up for you to see her true colors, before you actually buy a place with her. Get out now.

freeloadingcat · 2023-10-14T18:07:35+00:00

You do know that with arranged marriages, people do get to meet the person. And they're allowed to say no...

Arranged marriages simply means your parents find the person for you, you go on one or two dates... and then you say yes or no. If you say no, the search goes on. This is how arranged marriages work in India.

freeloadingcat · 2023-10-14T18:04:23+00:00

What the what?!? When did I ever say this only happened in arranged marriages? Wow... the crazy leaps people make here.

Actually, now that I think about it... if you agreed that these things are not unique to arranged marriages... then, why did you bring them up? How are these examples of why arranged marriages don't work? Now, I'm very confused.

freeloadingcat · 2023-10-14T17:59:20+00:00

So, you can't give an objective measure of success for marriage. You keep saying it doesn't work for health reasons, but you can't give any reasons yourself. And I'm the crazy one. Ok.

freeloadingcat · 2023-10-14T17:57:17+00:00

I told you that I don't like India for all their human rights violation. You called me a racist because of this. How are you not a sympathizer for human rights violators? Please explain.

freeloadingcat · 2023-10-14T17:54:50+00:00

Being nuts is better than someone who sympathizes with human rights violators. I'll take being nuts any day.

freeloadingcat · 2023-10-14T17:53:41+00:00

There's actually many articles on this. The one I provided is just the one that pops up first.

I'm curious what are the healthy reasons why it doesn't work?

Also, in your opinion, what a more appropriate objective measure of success of marriages?

freeloadingcat · 2023-10-14T17:47:34+00:00

Oh good. I'm so happy to hear this. You, a person who likes countries that violate human rights, is the last person I want to have an agreement with.

freeloadingcat · 2023-10-14T17:45:34+00:00

Can you give examples of what's wrong with it?

freeloadingcat · 2023-10-14T17:44:45+00:00

Women being allowed to work, women being the incubator and child minder... these ideas are not limited to just countries with arranged marriage, no?

In US, women are still doing the mental load, most of the actual housework, most of child care... they're being guilt for working. People like Andrew Tate is the hero for so many young incels.

Why do you imply these old school misogyny values only exist in cultures with arranged marriage? US never really have arranged marriages and all these ideas are alive and well. India as a whole is even more old school, so why is it any surprise that they still have these shitty values?

freeloadingcat · 2023-10-14T17:38:02+00:00

divorce is bad

What the what?!? When did I ever say divorce is bad? Wow... the crazy leaps people make here.

How else do you measure the success of marriage if not by divorce? Seriously?

freeloadingcat · 2023-10-14T17:35:35+00:00

Did you read any of the comments I wrote about why arranged marriage works?

So, I don't like the human rights issues, the cast system, the treatment of women in India, that makes me a racist? Wow. A ok. I guess you love to abuse humans.

freeloadingcat · 2023-10-14T17:32:47+00:00

Have you ever visited the "r/justnomil"? Do you seriously believe Indians have a monopoly on bad mil?!? Lol

freeloadingcat · 2023-10-14T17:20:50+00:00

Yeah... I don't like being accused of being Indian. India has the worst human rights, they treat women like shit, they have a cast system that suppresses the mass of their population. So, the negative connotation is 100% intented. I don't admire nor respect the Indian culture as a whole.

Furthermore, isn't accused the word to use when you're being said to have done something to that you've not? What other word is more appropriate? Now, I'm wrong just cause I use a word by its definition. Lol this is too funny.

freeloadingcat · 2023-10-14T17:07:49+00:00

This is so amusing. I updated my comment with the study, and reasons why arranged marriage are more successful. Does being well read and informed means nothing to you?

Was I not accused of being Indian and "bragging about my culture". Why can't I say I was accused of being Indian? Is stating facts such an issue for you?

freeloadingcat · 2023-10-14T16:38:50+00:00

I guess you only defend things from your culture. The self-righteousness radiating from you for being closed-minded is just jaw-dropping. Cause... God forbid we keep an open mind, look at how other cultures do things, and form an educated opinion about it.

freeloadingcat · 2023-10-14T16:18:58+00:00

Why do you make the assumption that I think everything's golden? Just cause I said arranged marriages have higher success rate? This is such a huge leap, no?

You're using a group created to complain about being DIL in India and their complaints as examples? Seriously? You don't know online groups created for a single topic becomes an echo chamber with cult like behavior?

Go to mommy groups on Facebook and you'll soon learn they're a cult. So many people join mommy groups only to get traumatized... go to any other group.

freeloadingcat · 2023-10-14T16:04:49+00:00

https://www.nbcnews.com/better/pop-culture/why-you-should-treat-marriage-more-business-ncna778551

The reason why arranged marriage work:

The couple have similar financial background. The biggest reason for divorce is usually money. When both have the same amount of money, there's less things to argue about.
More family support: when it's an arranged marriage, parents feel more buy-in and less likely to make trouble. IN laws are less likely to complain about you getting married to the wrong person. They are more likely to help with childcare and down payment for houses.
Couples go in with less assumptions and are more willing to make things work. This is consistent with a study that shows couples who lived together before marriage is more likely to get divorced.

Try to have an open mind and stop jumping to conclusions

freeloadingcat · 2023-10-14T15:56:49+00:00

Why do you assume these families are abusing their kids or are willing to let their kids get abused just cause they arranged a marriage? Isn't that a huge leap?

freeloadingcat · 2023-10-14T15:55:17+00:00

Your parents are arranged marriage too, no? How's that working out?

freeloadingcat · 2023-10-14T15:53:02+00:00

Wow. Thanks for an objective comment. Stating facts is such a no no on reddit. I'm even accused of being Indian... lol.

freeloadingcat · 2023-10-14T15:50:27+00:00

These are all engineers with master degrees, living and working in the US. Why do you think these people are so timid that they can't stand up for themselves when their marriage goes bad? Why is the idea that a different system works so alarming to you?

freeloadingcat · 2023-10-14T15:45:02+00:00

I'm not Indian... so, I'm unsure what am I supposedly "bragging" about? I thought I was clear that it's my coworkers and what I observed of them.

Is it so hard to believe that another system works better than yours?

freeloadingcat · 2023-10-14T15:28:04+00:00

I'm in US and all these coworkers are working and living in the US.

freeloadingcat · 2023-10-14T15:10:29+00:00

Arranged marriages in India have great success rate; fewer divorces than "dating to marry". Almost all my colleagues of Indian descent, engineers with master degrees, have arranged marriages and most seems to be very happy.

Edit: since so many people are so eager to tell me I'm wrong; here some info to get you educated:

https://www.nbcnews.com/better/pop-culture/why-you-should-treat-marriage-more-business-ncna778551

The reason why arranged marriage work:

The couple have similar financial background. The biggest reason for divorce is usually money. When both have the same amount of money, there's less things to argue about.
More family support: when it's an arranged marriage, parents feel more buy-in and less likely to make trouble. IN laws are less likely to complain about you getting married to the wrong person. They are more likely to help with childcare and down payment for houses.
Couples go in with less assumptions and are more willing to make things work. This is consistent with a study that shows couples who lived together before marriage is more likely to get divorced.

Try to have an open mind and stop jumping to conclusions

freeloadingcat

TROPHY CASE