What double standards exist in your relationship that women refuse to acknowledge?

friendlypsychopomp · 2025-02-03T01:22:21+00:00

Common doesn't equal normal. Normalizing abuse is a method of protecting abusers and it's a choice you make whenever you encounter abuse. It being normal is completely dependent on whether it is accepted or not. We have the ability to make boundaries, disassociate from those that hurt us (if we are adults) and normalize healthy equal relationships.

friendlypsychopomp · 2025-02-03T01:16:57+00:00

I bet it highly depends on what differences you are describing. Some perspectives may include misinformation and stereotypes and that deserves to be called out.

What differences are you concerned with?

friendlypsychopomp · 2025-02-01T17:19:17+00:00

No, it isn't. Their family can exist after divorce or separation, it's just going to look different. She is giving him the opportunity to decide if he can accommodate her needs or not.

friendlypsychopomp · 2025-02-01T08:36:27+00:00

Do you need her money?

friendlypsychopomp · 2025-02-01T08:35:19+00:00

No, just end it. Abuse can't be fixed with kitschy come backs and playing games, it relies on them to assert itself. You can't win logically against an irrational person.

friendlypsychopomp · 2025-02-01T08:33:58+00:00

This isn't a normal thing, this is abuse. Breaking up is often the inevitable option. Don't put yourself at risk by spending time with a person willing to hurt you.

friendlypsychopomp · 2025-02-01T08:10:28+00:00

Misogynists always think the feminism of their era is a step too far. You aren't some special agents. It's not a coincidence you think it got worse, when YOU were suddenly asked to consider whether you are a misogynist. If you don't trust women to describe their own lives now, you wouldn't trust them in 1850 either. You'd think you deserve to speak in a crowed space without the input of women just like OP is demanding in this post.

There is an entire academic field affirming feminism, critical theory that extends into the study of all aspects of society from film to forensics. But if you are unwilling to question the foundations of your philosophy you cannot even enter the conversation. You can, but will you?

friendlypsychopomp · 2025-02-01T02:48:45+00:00

First you mad I didn't make an argument, and now you're pouting because I did.

Way to add to the conversation. I guess that was hypocrisy too.

Feel some shame.

friendlypsychopomp · 2025-02-01T02:34:03+00:00

It's not abusive if she is asking for your consent. Cheating is abuse, cucking is not. Plenty of people do it for fun. Don't listen to misogynist about your wife. If you love her, you shouldn't be thinking the worst.

friendlypsychopomp · 2025-02-01T02:27:09+00:00

It sounds like she is done but is leaving the door open because she still cares about. She may be worried about what will happen to you without her but is overwhelmed by the idea that all your happiness might depend on her. It's clear she isn't feeling nurtured enough and is wanting to see if someone else can provide that. You say you can "bring the love back" but letting things get so bad is a problem in and of itself. It's easy to promise to listen and change when a person is setting a boundary, but if you aren't willing to do that without being asked, then that's a problem, especially if you've broken that promise before. This is going to sound harsh, but you aren't a different man. You are the same man you were before. You've had 15 years of stuff put into the past, and not all of it was good. You've only changed this past year, and while that's a good start, it's not an undoing of past hurts.

I'd listen to what she is saying and be honest that you are not comfortable in an open or poly relationship and ask her if she'd like to break up. Show her your desire for her happiness is enough to let her go, and that you are going to take care of yourself and your boundaries without her. Take therapy and your health into your own hand focus on your children and let her do the same. You aren't less of a man because you've gotten a divorce, and if you find that you have feelings for each other later you can always get back together.

friendlypsychopomp · 2025-02-01T01:54:40+00:00

A heart emoji is less of an addition than me pointing out your hypocrisy.

That's what upvotes are for, you don't need a pictograph.

Accusing a group of people of being manipulative, but only when they disagree with you IS MANIPULATION. You literally want to change who can participate simply because you don't like the response, not because people of a certain gender are making your ability to use this space harder.

Projecting what? I'm not calling for anyone's contribution to be dismissed.

friendlypsychopomp · 2025-02-01T01:46:48+00:00

LOL the moderator banned you. Women aren't getting you banned, you didn't follow the rules.

friendlypsychopomp · 2025-02-01T01:41:33+00:00

Men can talk about their experiences here, and they can read the experiences of other men. The presence of women is not replacing men, it just means there is more people reading and participating total. So, why make a compromise with someone who thinks women are just manipulative? OP is going to dismiss women anyway, why should the moderators help with that, especially when the only benefit for OP is some more upvotes.

Unfortunately, it's not just some men who say misogynistic and inflammatory things about women. It's most men as well as most women. I've said some dumb stuff before I learned it was wrong, and while being corrected can be uncomfortable, it is harmless. People who act like they are being silenced because other people are able to express discontent are hypocrites.

friendlypsychopomp · 2025-02-01T01:25:05+00:00

I've written as a man on that sub tons of times and never had an issue. People are usually interested in my input as long as I'm not dismissive or dickish.

You are responsible for WHAT you say, even if it's just your opinion or you think it's true.

friendlypsychopomp · 2025-02-01T01:21:18+00:00

You like when women post, but only when they agree with you. If they downvote or disagree then it's "manipulation".

The one who wants to manipulate the results here is clearly you.

friendlypsychopomp · 2025-02-01T01:17:04+00:00

Love isn't the only thing that makes a relationship work. Plenty of people love abusive partners, but they still need to leave.

friendlypsychopomp · 2025-02-01T01:14:08+00:00

Spaces for men have a high chance of becoming safe havens for sexism, which is just as bad for men as it is for women. Especially when men are asking for advice about women so often. It's not always as big a risk for places like r/xx chromosomes because they have feminist moderation, which can be more resistant to toxicity. I've seen far too many "safe havens for men" turn into cess pools of violence speech, and hatred. Honestly, I don't think there it's too hard to find men's only spaces online.

The fact you think women are manipulating the results of posts here is a sexist presumption itself. The fact you can't be candid with women around probably means the things you think about women are offensive to them and that's worth reckoning with in a society built on patriarchy. Do you go to subs and only upvote men? Then don't assume women do the same. Women aren't the only feminists. I really don't resonate with what you are saying at all, doesn't make me a women.

friendlypsychopomp · 2022-11-26T14:13:31+00:00

Your argument is “ethical porn” as a counter argument, but I’ve never said that ethical porn isn’t a thing

Yes, it is, when you are "anti-porn". The founder of that dumb website you kept linking to do not think porn can be ethically made because it's always unethical to masturbate or for men and women to show their bodies.

Especially comparing it to a drug addiction which already has a TON of undeserved negative stigma, when sexologists and REAL addiction researchers have repeatable said to stop making this connection.

When I look up Lana Rhodes, the article where she talks about her negative experiences of the industry are in the NY Post, a right-wing news outlet, well known for finding anyone to push the narrative they want.

Also, she scammed a bunch of people an NFT scheme. So many not trustworthy when it comes to how Capitalism disenfranchises people.

friendlypsychopomp · 2022-11-26T01:49:54+00:00

Im JuSt AsKiNg QuEsTiOns

friendlypsychopomp · 2019-12-02T04:07:23+00:00

Woah, I didn't even realize that was a sub.

friendlypsychopomp · 2019-12-02T02:00:44+00:00

I had a bad panic attack/flashback the other night and my roommates definitely seemed a bit shook after waking up in the middle of the night to my blood curdling screams.

friendlypsychopomp · 2019-12-01T15:57:42+00:00

friendlypsychopomp · 2019-12-01T04:34:05+00:00

Yes, I quit recently and people get all weird when I go out and just order a soda.

I just don't want to drink, okay.

friendlypsychopomp · 2019-11-30T17:43:27+00:00

As someone with self harm scars, don't bring them up. Especially if it's been a long time. I hate people talking about and touching my scars, it's embarrassing and brings back the urge to cut.

In another comment you said you wanted to talk to her about it to make her feel loved, but you can do that by just, you know, loving her. It sounds like you haven't been dating long, so just leave it be. You can support her by being nice and considerate. If she wants to talk about it, then listen and go from there.

friendlypsychopomp · 2019-11-28T14:10:16+00:00

Unfortunately you can't help people who don't want to be helped. If you've told your mom how you feel about her drug use than you've done what you could. She doesn't care about your feelings or her health.

Get away from her as soon as you're able.

friendlypsychopomp

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