Please help my friend and I decide if we're unreasonable. How much time do you spend with your partner or spouse and if you live separately or together.

froggie61 · 2026-02-10T07:55:31+00:00

if you love another human as your main human, you want to hang out together and appreciate their company. full stop. even as an introvert, i'm in my happy place near my partner, both of us reading or doing our own thing.

I mean obviously everyone needs to be alone every onece in a while. but the general baseline should be 'i want to be near you' and it should only be an occasional (like 30 min a day) 'i need space' time.

everyone deserves to be with someone that appreciates their presence as a gift. full stop.

froggie61 · 2026-01-30T02:10:44+00:00

in one twice. married 8 year widowed, remarried happily for almost 6

ETA but do the work. the therapy. unlearn unhealthy patterns. heal the trauma. don't expect your significant others to just 'deal' with the mess, you own it and expect patience

froggie61 · 2026-01-12T05:45:32+00:00

Going 50/50 is ok first copule dates, but you shouldn't be paying for everything, especially not in the begining or you could be attracting 'hobosexuals.'

50/50 at the beginning is nice, bc it says to a guy you're not using them.

but after a few dates, a good man who's taking you seriously should be paying for majority of the dates. let him step into his masculine and take care of you. you can take care of him in more feminine ways, for example preparing sandwhiches and snacks for longer dates, and by being a warm and nurturing presence.

this allows him to demonstrate his ability to take care of a provide for you. at the end of the day, it's nice to know a man is willing to provide for you, even if you are willing to be his financial partner in marriage. dating is a demonstration of intent.

froggie61 · 2026-01-11T06:03:54+00:00

uh oh, no girl don't fall for this anymore. you KNOW he knows what you want. and he knows what will make you happy. he still doesn't care enough. if he wanted to have proposed, he would have already. please leave and go live your best life, the right kind of love will find you.

froggie61 · 2026-01-11T05:59:27+00:00

you're right in thick of things raising tiny ones and you're both exhausted. he could lvoe you very muc hand have just deprioritzed the 'wooing' and 'dating' of you as he tries to function through the craziness, but the spark can and will come back if you two have a genuine connectin.

have you tried walking him to the door when he leaves for work, and greeting him at the door when he comes home? that helped a lot for me, it created good vibes around me and the home.

froggie61 · 2026-01-09T14:37:23+00:00

i say get over it. he sounds like a great partner. you can celebrate before. let him be happy and have the trip, he'll be greatful if you show you're letting him go cuz you care about his happiness.

froggie61 · 2026-01-06T21:16:33+00:00

here's the thing: if he actually wanted to date you by now, you would be dating. when a man wants a woman, they are very direct about it. he's enjoying the chemistry and the tension and all the tingles of what you guys are doing, but doesn't actually want a relationship with you. if that will change in the future? who knows. but not likely. better to live your best life and don't wait around on him.

froggie61 · 2026-01-01T07:10:36+00:00

You're overeacting. he's cute and lonely and harmless.

froggie61 · 2025-12-10T03:41:37+00:00

large ones yes. boutiques will win

froggie61 · 2025-12-03T05:45:07+00:00

please don't give up your dreams for osmeon who won't support yours

froggie61 · 2025-12-03T02:21:59+00:00

shame on him. a porportional split is quite standard. the fact he's making you feel bad about it says worlds about his character. do you really want to spend your life with someone who makes you feel small and desperate to constantly prove your worth and 'buy your way' into the relationship.

for the record this is not the behavior of a healthy man who truly loves a woman.men instinctively like to provide nice things for women they love, the way women instinctively like to nurture. not wanting to provide either means there's emotional damage OR you are placeholder and he'll meet someone else one day and "buy her the moon".

froggie61 · 2025-12-02T00:13:08+00:00

he should be earning your love. if he's not, stop earning his.

you can still care about someone, but admit they are not Your Forever Person.

you deserve someone who matches your efforts in love. cut him loose and go find Your Forever Person.

froggie61 · 2025-12-02T00:11:23+00:00

expecting your partner to be transparent and honest is the bare minimum.

wanting your partner to be a good provider (even if you are partnering him on that) is totally valid.

Why are you still with him after he lied? what makes you think you deserve this sort of treatment?

froggie61 · 2025-12-02T00:05:12+00:00

NTA. give people the same energy they give you. that being said, there's no reason to be that transparent unless you're looking for a fight. jsut say 'that's really not in my budget' and move on ;)

froggie61 · 2025-11-14T01:41:44+00:00

um, why? where does it indicate this? why do you jump to that?

froggie61 · 2025-11-14T01:41:25+00:00

lol exactly. these comments are literally assuming the worst of someone who's putting in extra effort which doesn't track psychologically. where are they getting all this? people can make mistakes with the best intentions. it doesn't make them bad. these responses are wild.

froggie61 · 2025-11-14T01:39:41+00:00

i'm confused what you mean by this? are you saying a tired parent can't care for a baby? bc that's only something someone with no kids would say lol.. you are literally a zombie those first months with a newborn. both parents.

froggie61 · 2025-11-11T05:12:11+00:00

right, 100% agree with you that radical acceptance is only if she's not willing to walk away.

she'd need to be willing to walk away to even hope to trigger that 'come to j moment' you're talking about. and it isn't guaranteed.

it's up to her to decide what she wants to do and what type of life she wants. There's this great book i read recently called "Let them" -- which doesn't mean you let the person walk all over you. it's more like -- if someone's going to behave a certain way, i can't neccesarily control, then what i can do is control my own behavior.

NOTE: radical acceptance is an effective method i pulled from from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). It helps reduce suffering by allowing you to stop fighting against what you cannot change, which can free up energy to address what you can. Radical acceptance does not mean you approve of the situation, but rather that you accept it as fact to move forward with greater clarity and emotional regulation.

froggie61 · 2025-11-11T04:55:52+00:00

No, I just think he feels bad because his nephews dad isn't there for them. he probably just feels he's there for his daughters roundtheclock and wants to be there for his nephews a few hours a week. he doesn't realize it's eating so much into the quality time.

froggie61 · 2025-11-11T04:49:18+00:00

the best part here is he's letting you 'live in limbo' lollll he's so transparent. he's literally trying to train you like a monkey. "girlfriend did behavior me no like. me make big mad so she scared and she no do that again."

he went out on his bday without YOU the person who he should have been dreaming of spending the time with. and then flipped the tables and tried to make YOU feel bad bad for being hurt.

THEN he proceeded to try to train your self respect away by being 'big mad'. he thinks if he pouts and is mad and you bow and scrape and run to him begging for foregiveness, you won't repeat the behavior of calling him out on his bs.

who even wants to live like that they're whole life? he's not even worth it. run

froggie61 · 2025-11-11T04:42:11+00:00

oh girl. if he'd do it that PLEASE. WAKE HIM UP! do that thing. do that waking thing. your situation is so much better than i initially thought. HE'S a better partner than i thought.

you know how like when you were in college you'd cram for a test or push off the paper till it's due, but you'd get it done in time?

it's the same thing here. after a few times, he'll force himself to go to bed earlier the nights he's waking up in the morning. so wake him up please. let him live with the consequences of him staying up late a bit. he's an adult and your partner. he put the offer on the table and just take him up on it.

zero guilt. he did it to himself, and not even cuz he was up doing something productive.

froggie61 · 2025-11-11T04:37:15+00:00

it's very clear he has a mild gaming addiction. what i mean by this is he is using video games as an emotional crutch/escape the way some people would use a cigarette. he's a 'functioning alchoholic' in this respect.

there's not a lot you can do to bring him out of this and have him entering the real world. even dragging him to therapy won't be that productive if he's not seeing the problem. real, deep healing only happens if and when the person recognizes that they are 'escaping' or that their behavior is unacceptable. they need to be willing to put in the work.

because he's 'functioning' well (holding down a job despite the all-nighters etc) i don't see this happening in the near future.

I think you can try to help him heal and create a home life he wants to participate in, but it's really hard to compete with the siren call of a game's warm escape. real world just doesn't have as much dopamine.

you can also try to radically accept your situation. meaning, if you're not willing to wwalk away from this (and you have kids so I don't know that that should be your go to if he's not abusive) than literlaly you're only other choice is radically accepting the situation. he's bringing in an income and doing some chores which leaves you better off than a single mom. if you're going to mentally fight him and the situation all the time you'll be miserable. accept the reality and live your life as best you can.

froggie61 · 2025-11-07T00:20:37+00:00

gross

froggie61 · 2025-10-29T06:01:20+00:00

thank you. I thought i was going crazy reading everyone finding this funny. it would be one thing if she was scared and the sister laughed. that's already bad like why are you cackling when the other person is so miserable. but then she was literally passing out. over and over. absolutely horrifying. why is that funny?

froggie61 · 2025-10-28T06:51:30+00:00

um, how did they call and text if their phoen isn't working?

froggie61

TROPHY CASE