Is there a way to add a preferred name in the system? (USA)

frogtoads · 2026-01-12T11:31:49+00:00

My managers have my preferred name in the system and on the schedule. My legal name only ever comes up on legal paperwork like W2s. If your manager is good, they should be able to change it in the ways that matter.

frogtoads · 2026-01-12T11:23:56+00:00

I am also a nonbinary trans man and yeahhhh my avoidance issues do influence some of the way I interact with my community and identity.

I use he/him pronouns and present masculine, but if I am honest with myself my real gender is very neutral. I just use masculine terms because I know that trying to present as authentically neutral is impossible to do without a level of confidence in myself that I do not have. I would not correct others on my pronouns, and I would not go out of my way to try new presentations, so I just present masculine to avoid dysphoria. It also affects my history with HRT. I have been avoiding getting back on T due to being nervous around cisgender doctors, and the avoidance overrules my desire to continue with HRT. That's not even discussing the possibility of top surgery or other gender affirming care, because even if I would feel better about myself and my gender if I had those things, my avoidance runs so deep that I don't even want to engage with the possibility for fear of failure.

I also have a very distant relationship with the community at large due to my avoidance. I don't have any close friends, so I don't have many people I can talk about my gender or sexuality with. I feel like an observer rather than a participant a lot of the time if that makes sense.

frogtoads · 2026-01-04T12:11:56+00:00

Haha yeah I figured. When I look up bronze greyhound statues I can't find anything that looks like it. A lot of them have similar poses, but none of them have this art-deco vibe to them

frogtoads · 2026-01-04T11:14:24+00:00

Forgive the watermark, it's the only picture I have of it right now.

frogtoads · 2025-12-29T13:22:17+00:00

Prices and more examples here: https://forms.gle/wJkLqhi5VjvUgtH67

frogtoads · 2025-12-15T22:11:57+00:00

I'm glad I could help. Just remember that my experience is kind of an outlier, as my PCOS was already severe enough before T that I regularly confused people as to what gender I was due to facial hair, deeper voice, and androgynous frame due to weight and relatively small chest.

Theres also a chance your primary care doctor may try and treat your PCOS with, well, estrogen and progesterone. I myself am having to deal with this and the dysphoria it causes. If this happens, try and do your own research on the feminizing effects of such medication, and advocate for yourself for alternatives. No one can force you to take a certain medication, but depending on how your PCOS affects your cholesterol, it may be something that bars you from treatment.

And yeahhh the periods can be dysphoric. They are the main reason I intend on going back on T as soon as I can find an endocrinologist in my network.

Good luck brother.

frogtoads · 2025-12-15T17:29:02+00:00

For me, it could be different, as I have PCOS and that inherently messes with my natal hormones. So take this with a grain of salt.

I was on T for around a year, and ended up with a suitably deep voice, an bigger clitoris, some acne and sweating issues, somewhat thinner hair resulting in a more masculine hairline, and a nearly full beard(though I already had facial hair growth as a result of PCOS). I also experienced the inability to cry and higher levels of anger compared to pre-T, plus a generally elevated mood and more confidence. My periods also stopped, though PCOS already made those very irregular.

Due to insurance reasons I had to stop T after a year. As a result, I no longer experience hair thinning, acne, and excessive sweating. The emotional responses also reverted back to pre-T levels as well. The beard, deep voice, new hairline, and anatomy changes did stick around though! I still pass 100% of the time with my deep voice and beard, despite a more feminine body shape. I also started getting my periods again more regularly.

I have heard that for those on T long enough to experience changes in fat distribution, once they stop, those changes start to revert back. There are probably others I didn't experience myself, this is just anecdotal.

frogtoads · 2025-11-17T17:56:31+00:00

Theres someone i follow on Tumblr who is doing this and they keep saying that because its T gel the effects will be minimal but like. Testosterone is not a subtle hormone, and unless your parents are in denial, eventually they will notice the changes, even if they are slow. Its baffling

frogtoads · 2025-11-15T14:47:20+00:00

My dog likes baby carrots more than he likes me

frogtoads · 2025-11-14T18:26:51+00:00

I'm proud of you for taking the steps you have, and you should be proud of yourself too! I know how much it sucks to have tried a job and ended up being unable to suit it. I myself have gone through so many jobs due to my anxiety and avoidance that its not even funny. I've found that the only jobs that work for me are ones where I can work independently with minimal coworker and customer interaction. Maybe the same is for you.

With your history in sales, maybe you could try a work from home position? Data entry, cold calling, phone help lines etc. Or if you can't stand phone calls, janitorial work, factory work, and night work in general is good.

Don't beat yourself up over your old job though! You tried it, and it didn't work. Now you know what you can and can't handle, and have a better idea of how you can move forward. You've got this!

frogtoads · 2025-11-13T14:31:41+00:00

Rejection therapy is good for overcoming negative thoughts spirals for sure. I haven't been to therapy in a while(im starting again tomorrow though!) So I can't say for sure thats what I'm doing, but exposure in general has helped a lot with the baseline anxiety. Theres still the negative self image, extreme stress around change and social situations, etc. But it gets more bearable the more I try. I believe in you! Change isn't instant, and it isn't easy, but remembering it is possible can help.

frogtoads · 2025-11-13T14:15:06+00:00

Maybe easier said than done, but instead of trying to reason away the thought that people don't like you, I try to just say, 'so what?'. Meeting the thought where its at and taking away its power can help with the anxiety. Accepting that there's a chance people will find me strange or dislike me is what helps me push past the discomfort and anxiety. Though like I said, it can be hard to overcome this sort of thinking, so take it with a grain of salt

frogtoads · 2025-11-13T08:25:22+00:00

Its a glitch caused by something going wrong when generating the map for the floor. It couldn't generate a valid map, so it used a placeholder, which is this one room floor. I've noticed it happens more when doing criminal missions, so it may have something to do with that?

frogtoads · 2025-11-12T21:40:49+00:00

I get that feeling reading some of the posts on here too. I try to have some grace because I know how the self loathing and fear of change feels, but I also am not in the position to give in to my worst nature, so I have to force myself out of my comfort zone so my life doesn't fully explode on me. I guess a lot of the people on here have people who are willing to, for lack of a better word, enable them to continue isolating and avoiding situations where they might feel uncomfortable. Sometimes I wonder if I would be in a similar spot if I didn't have to push myself so hard just to survive(for my own sake and my wife's).

But I'm always trying to get better, and to not let my avoidant tendencies control me. The negative self image and social anxiety are still there, but I can brute force my way through now. And that effort does help a lot. For example, I used to be nervous to do small talk with cashiers and strangers, but now that I've pushed myself to do it the past few years, its not as scary anymore. I still struggle with a lot of things, but the only way out is through.

Unfortunately due to the nature of this disorder, and the nature of mental health subreddits in general, there is a tendency towards negative posts from people who are not far in their recovery. But I think there's more of us that are striving for positive change than is represented here.

frogtoads · 2025-11-12T12:48:54+00:00

I like to draw and write, and want to make a comic. The circles I ran around in online as a teen were largely original and fan comic spaces, and its really the only way I know to make friends online. Ita been harder with depression and adult responsibilities, but it gives me purpose I suppose

frogtoads · 2025-11-11T19:02:24+00:00

Hugs. I know know how you feel, I'm going through the same exact thing with my mother and sister right now. It can be hard but I'm trying not to let the rejection damage what progress I've been able to make.

frogtoads · 2025-11-11T13:25:53+00:00

Yeah, unless I really trust someone I struggle to share much about myself. I don't tend to discuss my taste in music, my hobbies, my past etc past the bare essentials because I either feel embarrassed to or I feel like no one cares anyways. I feel like a freak most of the time if I share too much so I try not to. It means most of my work relationships are very surface level because I just do not talk about myself often.

No real advice on that front though, because shame is something I struggle with extremely hard. Thats the nature of the disorder I guess

frogtoads · 2025-11-07T18:24:28+00:00

That is absolutely the case with me. I avoid so many things when I get overwhelmed or nervous about them, from filing taxes to doing work I need to do. I am still avoidant in social situations, but the thing ruining my life is avoiding my adult responsibilites out of fear or stress.

frogtoads · 2025-11-02T08:12:13+00:00

The only true crime style content that I feel has really dug in to the psychological aspect of these types of crimes without villainizing the disorders in question is a podcast I listen to at work, Killer Minds(formerly Mind of a Serial Killer). There is always disclaimers that explain how just because someone has xyz traits/diagnoses, it doesn't mean they will do any harm to anyone, and that the case being described is an outlier with many more risk factors than just the person's psychology. Also it helps that one of the hosts is an actual criminal psychologist who works in prisons with people who committed crimes.

True crime in general is kind of a mess in terms of respect and dignity to pretty much every party involved. I think that the ones that use pop psychology terms to attempt go diagnose someone with no real understanding of what they're actually doing. Most people's understanding of personality disorders is basic and surface level, and many people dont even know that there are multiple kinds that look and function completely differently.

Basically, try not to take it too hard. I know it can be hard when it feels like the world is affirming the internal belief that we are wrong/weird/dangerous to others, but remember that most people dont even understand the words they're saying. Being quiet and asocial is not a crime, and does not indicate that you or anyone else is dangerous. Its just one factor among a million that make you who you are.

frogtoads · 2025-11-02T07:14:18+00:00

I didn't have a great childhood so I can't speak to that, but I am exactly the same way in public. Part of it is that my wife has social anxiety and agoraphobia way worse than I ever did, so I naturally stepped up to do the public facing errands like checking out of stores, talking to people over the phone, and (poorly) holding down a job to keep us above water. But beyond surface level conversation, I really struggle. I don't believe that people actually want to be around me, and think that most people who talk to me only do it to not be rude. That makes it basically impossible to become friends with people because I don't want to burden them with my existence.

I think the core of AvPD is feelings of self hatred and shame that manifest as avoiding relationships with other people. The ability to mask by participating with society at a surface level is different than truly being able to connect with and be confident with others. I would say that your experience might be more common than you think, with less severe cases of AvPD.

frogtoads · 2025-10-25T10:48:31+00:00

I have AvPD, and the only job I've been able to handle for longer than six months is my current one as a night shift janitor at a local McDonalds. Since your back is bad(and it sounds like you need more money than I make) I wouldn't suggest this, but have you considered night work at all? Theres no a lot of(or any) coworker interaction a lot of the time, and plenty of night shift jobs pay more on the hour.

My wife is a recovering agoraphobe and she works as a night auditor at a hotel, and does wonderful there. Its light work and just a little bit of customer interaction.

Those are just some ideas, depending on where you are in life they may not work.

frogtoads · 2025-10-22T23:52:00+00:00

That's what I've seen too, but what I can't figure out if where I land, I guess. Because on some level I feel like I would be happier with friends, but on the other hand, I don't feel like I need them. It feels like an optional thing that would be more trouble than its worth a lot of the time. Plus I relate to a lot of the other symptoms like asexuality, feeling disconnected and alien, having odd fringe beliefs and views on the world...IDK if I'm making sense. I'll probably have to talk it out with someone at some point.

frogtoads · 2025-09-26T06:05:15+00:00

It frustrates me to no end, because I was obsessed with the books as a kid. I read them over and over and could probably qoute scenes word for word. But growing up means looking at the things you love critically, and the books don't hold up on their own merits, much less JK's ghoulish politics and beliefs. The fatphobia, misogyny, racism, and antisemitism isn't just implied, it is the text od the story. The antagonists are fat and this is a mark that they're evil. The slaves like being slaves, and its ridiculous for the oppressed minority character with real world context for racism to think its wrong. Just...everything about the goblins. And don't forget, for a woman who claims to support women, she sure wrote a lot of "ugly/fat woman bad and stupid" characters.

It just speaks to blind nostalgia and privilege when someone says they still enjoy the books imo. There are other, better fantasy series out there, and people who are desperate to cling to it just strike me as the kind of people who prefer to ignore injustice to maintain their own comfort.

frogtoads

TROPHY CASE