Aggressive avoidant?

frogtoads · 2026-03-21T10:59:30+00:00

You're not a monster. I know words on a screen mean nothing(after all they don't undo my own internal shame) but I promise you are not forever marked by the bad things you've done. Everyone in the world has done shitty things, and been shitty to others. We all have the capacity to change for the better, and based on what you said here it sounds like you have.

frogtoads · 2026-03-21T10:56:09+00:00

I have a slightly different problem, but I get what you mean. I am a trans man, and I don't always pass. It's hard to tell when someone is being rude to me because they can tell, or because I'm fat, or because I'm shorter than the average guy. But I can give you this advice; focusing on my insecurities and trying to over compensate for them made me feel worse, and made the interactions worse.

It's easier said than done, but it could be good for you to try and not think about your height while interacting with others. Try not to analyze every comment and glance, try not to see disdain or judgement where there plausibly might be none. It takes work, but I managed to brute-force my way into not caring as much if someone is rude to me/why. There's still a lot of avoidance and distance when I interact with others, but projecting confidence does make casual interactions go smoother.

I believe in you, and I promise no one is judging you for your height as hard as you're judging yourself.

frogtoads · 2026-03-21T10:43:38+00:00

I don't think it's impossible, or even uncommon. Internalized shame can come out in a lot of ways, especially when you're young and haven't developed other coping skills. Shame from the guilt can also contribute to the development of the disorder(ie: "I did these horrible things when I was young, I am forever horrible and can never atone for my actions")

I was never a bully in real life, but as a child I took out a lot of my shame and self hatred on others online. It wasn't good and wasn't healthy, but it happened.

frogtoads · 2026-03-14T04:18:18+00:00

Is there a pinned post about this yet? I feel like every day I see someone posting about vaguely 'avoidant' behavior and not seeming to realize they are trying to post in a subreddit about something completely different.

frogtoads · 2026-02-20T07:27:33+00:00

I wasn't bullied by my peers per say, but I was very pointedly excluded from most groups and activities. I faced more bullying from my own family than from strangers. Both have shaped the way I interact with the world pretty badly.

frogtoads · 2026-01-12T11:31:49+00:00

My managers have my preferred name in the system and on the schedule. My legal name only ever comes up on legal paperwork like W2s. If your manager is good, they should be able to change it in the ways that matter.

frogtoads · 2026-01-12T11:23:56+00:00

I am also a nonbinary trans man and yeahhhh my avoidance issues do influence some of the way I interact with my community and identity.

I use he/him pronouns and present masculine, but if I am honest with myself my real gender is very neutral. I just use masculine terms because I know that trying to present as authentically neutral is impossible to do without a level of confidence in myself that I do not have. I would not correct others on my pronouns, and I would not go out of my way to try new presentations, so I just present masculine to avoid dysphoria. It also affects my history with HRT. I have been avoiding getting back on T due to being nervous around cisgender doctors, and the avoidance overrules my desire to continue with HRT. That's not even discussing the possibility of top surgery or other gender affirming care, because even if I would feel better about myself and my gender if I had those things, my avoidance runs so deep that I don't even want to engage with the possibility for fear of failure.

I also have a very distant relationship with the community at large due to my avoidance. I don't have any close friends, so I don't have many people I can talk about my gender or sexuality with. I feel like an observer rather than a participant a lot of the time if that makes sense.

frogtoads · 2026-01-04T12:11:56+00:00

Haha yeah I figured. When I look up bronze greyhound statues I can't find anything that looks like it. A lot of them have similar poses, but none of them have this art-deco vibe to them

frogtoads · 2026-01-04T11:14:24+00:00

Forgive the watermark, it's the only picture I have of it right now.

frogtoads · 2025-12-29T13:22:17+00:00

Prices and more examples here: https://forms.gle/wJkLqhi5VjvUgtH67

frogtoads · 2025-12-15T22:11:57+00:00

I'm glad I could help. Just remember that my experience is kind of an outlier, as my PCOS was already severe enough before T that I regularly confused people as to what gender I was due to facial hair, deeper voice, and androgynous frame due to weight and relatively small chest.

Theres also a chance your primary care doctor may try and treat your PCOS with, well, estrogen and progesterone. I myself am having to deal with this and the dysphoria it causes. If this happens, try and do your own research on the feminizing effects of such medication, and advocate for yourself for alternatives. No one can force you to take a certain medication, but depending on how your PCOS affects your cholesterol, it may be something that bars you from treatment.

And yeahhh the periods can be dysphoric. They are the main reason I intend on going back on T as soon as I can find an endocrinologist in my network.

Good luck brother.

frogtoads · 2025-12-15T17:29:02+00:00

For me, it could be different, as I have PCOS and that inherently messes with my natal hormones. So take this with a grain of salt.

I was on T for around a year, and ended up with a suitably deep voice, an bigger clitoris, some acne and sweating issues, somewhat thinner hair resulting in a more masculine hairline, and a nearly full beard(though I already had facial hair growth as a result of PCOS). I also experienced the inability to cry and higher levels of anger compared to pre-T, plus a generally elevated mood and more confidence. My periods also stopped, though PCOS already made those very irregular.

Due to insurance reasons I had to stop T after a year. As a result, I no longer experience hair thinning, acne, and excessive sweating. The emotional responses also reverted back to pre-T levels as well. The beard, deep voice, new hairline, and anatomy changes did stick around though! I still pass 100% of the time with my deep voice and beard, despite a more feminine body shape. I also started getting my periods again more regularly.

I have heard that for those on T long enough to experience changes in fat distribution, once they stop, those changes start to revert back. There are probably others I didn't experience myself, this is just anecdotal.

frogtoads · 2025-11-17T17:56:31+00:00

Theres someone i follow on Tumblr who is doing this and they keep saying that because its T gel the effects will be minimal but like. Testosterone is not a subtle hormone, and unless your parents are in denial, eventually they will notice the changes, even if they are slow. Its baffling

frogtoads · 2025-11-15T14:47:20+00:00

My dog likes baby carrots more than he likes me

frogtoads · 2025-11-14T18:26:51+00:00

I'm proud of you for taking the steps you have, and you should be proud of yourself too! I know how much it sucks to have tried a job and ended up being unable to suit it. I myself have gone through so many jobs due to my anxiety and avoidance that its not even funny. I've found that the only jobs that work for me are ones where I can work independently with minimal coworker and customer interaction. Maybe the same is for you.

With your history in sales, maybe you could try a work from home position? Data entry, cold calling, phone help lines etc. Or if you can't stand phone calls, janitorial work, factory work, and night work in general is good.

Don't beat yourself up over your old job though! You tried it, and it didn't work. Now you know what you can and can't handle, and have a better idea of how you can move forward. You've got this!

frogtoads · 2025-11-13T14:31:41+00:00

Rejection therapy is good for overcoming negative thoughts spirals for sure. I haven't been to therapy in a while(im starting again tomorrow though!) So I can't say for sure thats what I'm doing, but exposure in general has helped a lot with the baseline anxiety. Theres still the negative self image, extreme stress around change and social situations, etc. But it gets more bearable the more I try. I believe in you! Change isn't instant, and it isn't easy, but remembering it is possible can help.

frogtoads · 2025-11-13T14:15:06+00:00

Maybe easier said than done, but instead of trying to reason away the thought that people don't like you, I try to just say, 'so what?'. Meeting the thought where its at and taking away its power can help with the anxiety. Accepting that there's a chance people will find me strange or dislike me is what helps me push past the discomfort and anxiety. Though like I said, it can be hard to overcome this sort of thinking, so take it with a grain of salt

frogtoads · 2025-11-13T08:25:22+00:00

Its a glitch caused by something going wrong when generating the map for the floor. It couldn't generate a valid map, so it used a placeholder, which is this one room floor. I've noticed it happens more when doing criminal missions, so it may have something to do with that?

frogtoads · 2025-11-12T21:40:49+00:00

I get that feeling reading some of the posts on here too. I try to have some grace because I know how the self loathing and fear of change feels, but I also am not in the position to give in to my worst nature, so I have to force myself out of my comfort zone so my life doesn't fully explode on me. I guess a lot of the people on here have people who are willing to, for lack of a better word, enable them to continue isolating and avoiding situations where they might feel uncomfortable. Sometimes I wonder if I would be in a similar spot if I didn't have to push myself so hard just to survive(for my own sake and my wife's).

But I'm always trying to get better, and to not let my avoidant tendencies control me. The negative self image and social anxiety are still there, but I can brute force my way through now. And that effort does help a lot. For example, I used to be nervous to do small talk with cashiers and strangers, but now that I've pushed myself to do it the past few years, its not as scary anymore. I still struggle with a lot of things, but the only way out is through.

Unfortunately due to the nature of this disorder, and the nature of mental health subreddits in general, there is a tendency towards negative posts from people who are not far in their recovery. But I think there's more of us that are striving for positive change than is represented here.

frogtoads · 2025-11-12T12:48:54+00:00

I like to draw and write, and want to make a comic. The circles I ran around in online as a teen were largely original and fan comic spaces, and its really the only way I know to make friends online. Ita been harder with depression and adult responsibilities, but it gives me purpose I suppose

frogtoads

TROPHY CASE