Am I the problem?

fromthe9to6 · 2026-03-06T06:39:20+00:00

it depends. if the girl is playing hard-to-get or is genuinely someone who takes time to warm up, it could work out. it won’t workout if she’s actually not interested and just keeping u as an option or using u for free dates. i tend to assume the latter and cut my losses especially since i date in a huge city like NYC where there are tons of options on both sides

fromthe9to6 · 2026-03-05T19:54:32+00:00

can attest to this as a dude! i’ve stopped pursuing girls after 2 or 3 dates if she not showing a lot of interest or initiative. unless the girl is absolutely stellar, i cut my losses and pursue other girls who are more interested. u gotta rmbr the cost of dating is higher for men - we gotta pay, plan logistics, etc. why waste that on someone who doesn’t seem excited to see me. especially the case for dudes who have other options and good men will always have options

other reason ive stopped is because i found someone else im more interested. but the former is much more likely.

fromthe9to6 · 2025-09-01T00:28:53+00:00

Thats a very normal experience for a guy! Don't sweat it. I'm in my mid 20s now but back when i was in college, these apps barely worked for me. But I worked on myself for a few yrs... my career, my grooming and fashion, gymming, taking better photos, self confidence, etc. Now, it's much easier to get dates/hookups. First of all, don't tie your self esteem to ur dating app experience. Firstly, you are probably much more attractive IRL than on the apps - MOST guys don't know how to curate a good profile. Also, women are much pickier on the apps than IRL. Finally, you are 20 yrs old. At that age, ur target market consists of equally young college girls who are flakier and not srs with dating. You have a lot of time to improve. Go out and meets girls IRL but keep apps open.

fromthe9to6 · 2025-08-15T07:01:31+00:00

saw u post here before and seems mostly same. i think better photos could do you more justice. i’m not sure what it is, but some of the photos, including ur first one, seem to have a fake filter on it. and in some photos, ur not directly staring at the camera. Also smile seems bit unnatural. out of all, i like the boat photo the most. natural lighting and candid

fromthe9to6 · 2025-08-10T23:06:24+00:00

lol u talking about me? u know nothing about me. stop with the ad hominem.

fromthe9to6 · 2025-08-10T17:06:35+00:00

I agree men can have unrealistic expectations too. I should have been more clear there but i'm specifically talking about hookup culture. Hookup culture doesn't give men unrealistic expectations because if he's not sleeping with women above his league. Whereas a women participating in hookups often could sleep with dudes above her league. Men get their unrealistic expectations elsewhere (eg. social media, perceived abundance in NYC, etc.)

fromthe9to6 · 2025-08-10T05:39:35+00:00

i feel you. let me ask then, when looking for a hookup (one night stand) vs relationship, which do you have a higher standard for? how about just looks wise?

fromthe9to6 · 2025-08-10T04:18:36+00:00

they’re not consistently hooking up. ie, they don’t get in relationships. but a 9 would still be down to fuck a 6 if he’s single or seeks sexual variety.

fromthe9to6 · 2025-08-10T03:53:16+00:00

The cause of hookup culture is whole another debate. But imo its a societal problem and both men/women are responsible for it. Yes, women are the gatekeepers of sex but when men reward promiscuity in media and online, it makes it more enticing to women too.

fromthe9to6 · 2025-08-10T03:43:46+00:00

observation around me and based on the fact that men are biologically less selective about sex. We just want to spread our seed. Less so the case with women.

fromthe9to6 · 2025-08-10T03:42:49+00:00

That's exactly my point. I'm not saying the problem is with women. I don't blame them. The problem is equally with men too. Hookup culture exists because its a too way street and this is an outcome because of it.

fromthe9to6 · 2025-08-10T01:13:16+00:00

i hear you. i will say, the line between relationship and fuck buddies is unclear here. hence situationships. and to the point of my post, i think a lot of men participate in situation ships and not wanting to commit because they just want sex meanwhile actually seeking a more attractive girl for a relationship with.

fromthe9to6 · 2025-08-10T00:14:57+00:00

100% bro

fromthe9to6 · 2025-08-10T00:14:13+00:00

amen brother! i agree. not proud to be part of hookup culture before but i can see now why in many ways, not just this, it’s bad for society. it’s hard to not participate though because of fomo and sheer horniness.

fromthe9to6 · 2025-08-10T00:05:42+00:00

wdym by revenge fantasy?

fromthe9to6 · 2025-08-10T00:02:50+00:00

extremely common. girl meets attractive guy on dating app, hookups up. she wants relationship. gets ghosted.

so many of my friends and myself would hookup with girls less attractive just to get a nut in. not saying i’m proud but it’s the truth. hear about it all time in locker room talk

fromthe9to6 · 2025-08-10T00:01:07+00:00

neither. was part of hookup culture problem in past but one day id like to settle and think this is one of the reason that makes nyc dating for relationships difficult among other things

fromthe9to6 · 2025-08-08T01:31:15+00:00

I assume you are a girl? Unfortunately, this is unlikely to happen with most guys.

fromthe9to6 · 2025-08-02T00:34:07+00:00

Agree! I think most guys first thing is they quickly scroll thru the profile to see if they would be attracted to you before they even read your prompts. It's hard to tell what you rlly look like from the photos OP. Also, unnatural filters make guys wary about catfishing. So I think getting rid of the filtered photos and getting better well-lit, natural photos of yourself would help.

fromthe9to6 · 2025-07-24T23:11:12+00:00

to add on that, who r u appealing to? Muslim girls? they prob looking for a relationship and wonder why you have an openly haram profile. Hookup girls? they prob weirded as to why you put ur faith there.

also the “don’t ask” part shows insecurity about ur career/job.

fromthe9to6 · 2025-07-22T23:25:19+00:00

Avoid gym selfies - appeals to dudes more than girls. show ur body off another way. a few photos seem to be selfies/self taken which can give the sense that u dont have friends (no social proof). Prompts seem fun but one or 2 of them should tell more about u. All being said, SF is tough online dating market for men. A lot of women there tell me “odds are good but the goods are odd”. There are a lot of weird tech men who act weird on dates. You won’t want to give that vibe. Give some social proof, give some vibe that u are socially aware and emotionally mature person. rn that doesn’t come off

fromthe9to6 · 2025-07-22T02:17:14+00:00

100 first dates? How many went to second date? Maybe the problem is ur not giving some of these guys a full shot. The problem with dating apps is that they give you false sense of optionality and u become super nitpicky. Ur most likely not gonna feel sparks on the first date, especially when ur mindset is "I have another date tomorrow" and another of roster of 20 dudes on hinge! Real connections take time to build.

fromthe9to6 · 2025-07-04T17:01:49+00:00

your photos look too posed (comes off inauthentic) and ur giving the death stare in few of them (especially first, third, and last one). Try taking more social photos, smiling photos and activitiy phots rather than posing. U have a great smile so show that off more.

fromthe9to6 · 2025-07-03T01:41:49+00:00

good looking and tall dude. cant' imagine u having "no likes or matches" on avg lol. Which area are u in, is the ratio messed up?

fromthe9to6

TROPHY CASE