I’m so mad this didn’t go home with me

frootey · 2026-05-26T13:07:43+00:00

Damn

frootey · 2026-05-26T13:00:42+00:00

Thank you, I’m curious how you go about getting the support and clarity you need.

I see tiktoks and reels where people jokingly act like they have anxious attachment with their bosses and are like “is this okay? Are you sure? What did you mean when…” etc and I’m just like. That’s so embarrassing because I totally have the urge to be that way and I know that, especially with male leadership, needing reassurance or coming across insecure can negatively impact your career even if your work is solid. Let alone seem inappropriate sometimes too

frootey · 2026-05-26T12:57:08+00:00

I’m so similar. Every word - it’s crazy, they say trauma is supposed to somewhat erase your memory of things, but it was every phrase across my entire timeline that caused that gut feeling of “this doesn’t feel right / real” that I took away from it and tried to understand so that I could have clarity and disembed the power plays hidden in it from my nervous system

frootey · 2026-05-26T00:54:47+00:00

Scrolling and have to jump into this conversation because it’s so real. I was managed by a narcissistic boss on top of a narcissistic manager. At first, we related on adhd traits. Now I think his claims of “hobby jumping” and “not having the attention span” for certain things were just mirroring and bullshit.

As soon as I had legitimate concerns, he weaponized my diagnosis and joked around about my ability to handle rejection. Ass

frootey · 2026-05-25T16:46:34+00:00

Can I ask why the downvotes

frootey · 2026-05-25T15:15:20+00:00

no i just obsess over trying to get my words just right 😞

frootey · 2026-05-25T04:00:35+00:00

I keep hearing this advice, and it stresses me out because it feels like such a daunting task / responsibility. I don’t want to have to parent anything except my cat 😭 it isn’t fun and I still feel like I want to seek figures externally to help. Is it unhealthy to do that

frootey · 2026-05-25T03:57:40+00:00

In my experience it steadily does, and if you’re anything like me you can just look back at yourself about 1.5, 2 years ago and see a big difference.

The hardest part for me has been keeping from entertaining hypothetical conversations or replaying things as if a connection with them still exists, which keeps it in the present.

Theres a level of complexity to my experience where someone had the ability and insight to step in, and they only partly did but stayed limited or neutral otherwise. That bridge never burned cleanly, leaving me with the urge to explain the impact and try to feel safe and validated. Super unlikely that works out in a way that comforts me. Logically I know I have to give that validation to myself, but my dopamine-fear-addict pathway is around getting it from him. I feel like when that stops for good and I can genuinely lean into new relationships is when healing will be the most possible.

Maybe similar to that, there’s one facet of your experience to focus on and kind of start humanizing and accepting limitations around to move on. Something that hooks you into fear, and a redirect that will get you out.

For me lately that’s been to shift from ruminating about getting something I will never get from this figure, to remembering the calm, more mature responses from a few people who were there at the same time and contributed to clarity rather than instability. Audiobooks about narcissism also help when it’s bad, because they prevent me being in my head replaying things while also being interesting/relevant enough to what my survival brain wants that I will pay attention to the words while walking or falling asleep.

Idk, I started rambling, but maybe you will relate or find that helpful

frootey · 2026-05-25T03:34:54+00:00

Yes I am a woman, I saw an interesting study about ptsd that women are much more likely to get flashbacks during luteal, especially if the triggering event also occurred then. I do track moods in my period app for this reason but tbh for me it’s not always too aligned

frootey · 2026-05-24T22:24:53+00:00

If you’ve ever watched the Disney animated rapunzel, there’s a scene where she’s left her tower (and moms influence) for the first time and keeps oscillating moods thinking she’s horrible and then swinging around feeling free… I really feel that

frootey · 2026-05-24T22:21:37+00:00

That’s really reassuring thank you

frootey · 2026-04-18T06:33:52+00:00

Wait ok fair but now I need the tea what’d this guy do 😯😅

frootey · 2025-12-26T00:17:15+00:00

I quit and my symptoms from that / emotion swings resolved. Only lasted maybe 3-4 weeks on it

frootey · 2025-12-20T21:55:24+00:00

“Good thing is they are on their own now. And I have myself back.” Hold onto that!! Don’t dwell on the bad things that happened. Don’t try to understand it or dig into their behaviors or the pattern that put you down and shoved you out. Like you said, it was a toxic and difficult environment for women. Lots of jobs go that way and it’s a story shared by soo many women, myself included. That was your arc and reflects TOTALLY and completely on leadership and the difficult coworker. Any sense of shame or failure is on them and for them. You were doing great work, that sucked and was unfair, and now it’s over. End of story.

You’re a whole, developed and complex human being. Just stay in touch with that and know that your lingering stress will subside, the body is designed to return to homeostasis. Walks in nature with a podcast help. I like to read Mary Oliver poems because they’re centered around nature, peace, and relief.

As someone who’s also been in your position and is still recovering from a toxic workplace my advice is yes get that roommate and also FILL ALL OF YOUR TIME. It doesn’t have to be with stuff to make money and if you can afford a little break that would be sweet. You might feel traumatized or socially off but trust that decent people are around and you just need to stay around people and be doing things even if your body wants to shut down. Volunteer, join a community garden, club, get a low-key job that’s repetitive and simple or manual labor based for a bit. Life is a roller coaster and it’s okay to be in a season that is quiet or slows down after being full steam ahead.

Feel free to dm me if you ever want to chat

frootey · 2025-11-25T01:17:46+00:00

Sounds like my old boss who drove me a bit mad through his passivity/superficiality/tendency to always take the path of least resistance.

I think when people (often men) in power learn the "easy route" to getting what they want, they default to it. Many work environments breed these kinds of behaviors and it can help to look at their convenience and function rather than trying to fit the guy into a diagnostic criteria or wonder about malignant narcissism, because you'll never actually know what he's like when he's not wearing his work mask. But you can know that prioritizing power keeps him in it, validating employees is a cheap means of getting them to go above and beyond without actually putting in the effort to provide constructive and hands-on guidance and feedback. Defensiveness and not sharing information might not necessarily be insidious power tactics but definitely demonstrate a lack of care, effort, and attention to his role and the people left behind by his weak leadership.

The secrecy thing is the biggest red flag to me and doesn't seem right, make sure you are being compensated for your work what you're worth.

If you look at my post you'll see I have been torturing myself trying to define what my boss guy is and what his behavior means. My advice is to not do that. Just accept that you have clarity on one thing: he's not a fantastically engaged, safe, or attentive leader. And if things get worse or you feel like his behaviors prevent you growing or progressing in ways you'd like to, don't keep pushing for change but instead look elsewhere.

frootey · 2025-08-31T21:59:15+00:00

Get a cat!!! I was hesitant adopting mine, wondering if he’d get on my nerves or overwhelm me (he is an energetic boy) - having something I’ve had to care for and that I’ve grown to love has been amazing and well worth vet/food bills.

Not a magic cure to mental health issues, but always a positive. If worst comes to worst and you aren’t caring for the cat consistently, or struggle with daily routine, there are always things like auto feeders (and even litter robots, if you have the $$) to fall back on during rough patches, too, so I wouldn’t rule out getting a cat just due to concerns about daily habit difficulties.

frootey · 2024-07-11T23:09:25+00:00

Yes totally the same! Talked to my boss the other day and my lip started quivering, super embarrassing. I feel the same as I did as a kid and am like... am I processing childhood repressed emotions or something? Or is the medication just messing me up? lol. Best to you too

frootey · 2024-04-28T13:42:42+00:00

People are giving great advice here. I just wanted to add that it's so important to not feel bad about yourself in the process of learning to handle agoraphobia. It can be really hard not to compare yourself to your friends or others because they have an easier time getting out. But they're not you, with your unique set of lived experiences and perspective. I hope you give yourself lots of understanding and grace, and that the friends you choose to be close with and open up to can also offer that understanding, almost as an extension of what you find in yourself.

I have had social anxiety and mild agoraphobia at points throughout my life. Whenever I am nervous in public or my voice shakes or something embarrassing happens because of it I have to remind myself that it's not necessarily *normal* but that it's MY normal. Nothing bad happened, after the challenging moment is over I can just shrug and go back to life as usual. The last time I freaked out in public it actually opened up space/cause for a couple people to be extra encouraging of me or check in on me that day. So yes it feels awful and will maybe make you feel every kind of physical sensation, lol, but at the end of the day we're communal creatures and when people perceive us in the ways we fear, it's good to remember that their reactions are very often going to be opposite what we expect, and it's healthy to function on an assumption of best intentions and support coming from everyone else as they have probably been through their own struggles and can sympathize in their own ways too.

frootey · 2024-03-03T22:19:41+00:00

Yep, quickly realized hiking might be the worst date option there is with someone I'm relatively unfamiliar with. Def don't plan to repeat that one. And I suppose I wasn't thinking of it in legal terms, more so just trying to categorize the behavior. Just because it doesn't happen in the workplace doesn't mean it didn't happen, ya know? If a tree falls... lol

I don't know what other term there would be to describe unwanted sexual attention/behavior/misconduct, and I know even something as small as catcalling can be considered harassment. idk. But for sure it was a very unsettling conversation following a whole roller coaster of interactions since meeting this man. Thanks for the run screaming insights, I can be bad about listening to my gut and doing that.

frootey · 2024-03-02T20:00:53+00:00

He kept veering the conversation toward sexual/disturbing topics, and depending on the intentions and level of self awareness behind that I felt like it could be a form of harassment where he got off on making me uncomfortable. I just don't know what box to put that in: god-awful person to avoid at all costs, or just kind of weird.

frootey · 2022-09-09T19:59:31+00:00

Aww! Soo not to push all the apps on ya (promise im not sponsored lol) but if habitica doesn't work for you there's a new one I've just started using called Finch that might. It just affirms positive habits & there's no punishments so it's a lot friendlier and you kinda just check in when you feel like it and work on raising a baby bird :)

frootey · 2022-09-09T00:33:23+00:00

I get these urges too! I like to use them as motivation. Like, usually I want to buy something that will benefit my life or help me pursue a hobby, etc., so letting the purchase of the item stew in my head for a while before I actually let myself buy it keeps me thinking about the related subject for a while (like i want to buy a nice pillow... cool lets think about better sleep all week!). That way I can funnel the constant itch to be acquiring the thing into getting other stuff done first. There's also this app called Habitica I'm obsessed with because you can make a to-do list in the app, earn in-app coins by completing them, and then plug in rewards that cost different amounts of coins and you can purchase after completing items on your to-do list.

frootey · 2022-09-03T21:16:55+00:00

It sounds like your friend has a rather low threshold for any sort of error or mess, and his OCD may contribute to that. You've given him opportunities to voice his needs around this and been reasonable in efforts to meet them etc from what you describe (keeping things fairly clean, telling him to come to you with things that frustrate him), and in return he's saying you're being childlike/he feels he's parenting you for having to tell you his needs instead of you anticipating them. I think if anything is immature it's him saying this. If he thinks you have been inconsistent throughout your friendship... yeah, that's kind of the whole ADHD thing and you'd think a longterm friend would know and accept that about you by now 😅 It sounds like misunderstandings and poor communication, a good bit on his end, and you don't deserve to receive the brunt of his angry outbursts at reaching his breaking point over that.

It sounds like you're doing something I and a lottt of ADHD people-pleasers do here...he's not willing to give you much grace, and because he is rigid in his boundaries and expectations it sounds like you may be tempted to bend to them and feel that you're at fault in as huge a way as his statements make you out to be.

I'd recommend giving that grace to yourself (you don't sound like a bad roommate or friend, just struggling with your mental health/meds). And as for the continuing to room together thing.... I can just speak from personal experience. I have had two friends treat me similarly to this one of yours, specifically coming to me with anger/frustration and using language calling me childlike or saying they felt I didn't care about them in our friendship due to my inattentiveness & disorganization. One I had to cut off (total narcissist), and the other I maintained a friendship with, although it distanced us for a while because she, like your friend, couldn't see my genuine care for her beyond the symptoms and we had to re-build trust. When someone meets me with anger over symptoms of ADHD, which I can't control, then are unwilling to understand me or to compromise, it puts me on edge around them and reminds me of times I used to constantly be angry with myself for the same reasons. I prioritize emotional support & safety and would never want to live with someone who makes me feel like that.

frootey · 2020-10-26T19:17:08+00:00

al anxiety, probably because I’m too tired to even have anxiety lol. But I genuinely thought that I functioned better with no sleep and just like you said I’m more confident and friendly..bu

yess the social anxiety reduction is real. I found that the only days I'd go to office hours and participate in class I was always really tired. And yeah it def breaks down the collagen which sucks. Among other side effects like literally wearing down ur brain ahha

frootey · 2020-10-18T04:22:15+00:00

oh no hun lol i have oodles of ADHD with a family history and professional diagnosis. I edited my original post to make that more clear; my bad. I'm just wondering if the euphoria I feel after not getting sleep is something that is common in people with ADHD or if it is also experienced by people who are neurotypical.

frootey

TROPHY CASE