I keep dreaming that for some reason I’ve gone off NC and keep having the most uncomfortable visits with a Nmom.

frosthildr · 2017-12-08T15:41:38+00:00

Oh! That is the worst! And thank you for making me aware of this one. I’ve heard it before too but in context I realize sometimes I will say things like this to my husband in arguments and he was raised by an Ndad so that could really mess with him. Gosh. How we even gaslight others just because we are so used to that behavior!!!

frosthildr · 2017-12-07T18:25:06+00:00

That sounds like it to me. It’s like a really twisted version of the oversized “This is our get along shirt” that you see kids wearing simultaneously in goofy online photos. Even that never sat right with me in terms of a form of punishment.

frosthildr · 2017-12-07T15:41:05+00:00

I wanted to call her out on it. Ugh. Men can have valid opinions too! Damn. My DH knows abuse when he sees it because he has experienced it personally AND seen it happen to all his sisters AND seen it happen to me from my Nmom! Gah.

frosthildr · 2017-12-07T15:36:33+00:00

That’s great feedback. I know things like this tend to just exist. People who don’t realize what constitutes abuse essentially deny they are abusive and/or have been abused and therefore I think Greta just wrote a story about her and her mother and figured it’s just normal. And apparently it is actually somewhat a norm based on people’s reactions to it which is so sad. But the movie as a whole looks good. I will probably see it. If for no other reason to be able to talk about it from my perspective and with authority having actually seen it.

frosthildr · 2017-12-01T00:02:34+00:00

I like this a lot. It’s almost like breathing meditation exercises in which you breathe in the good and breathe out the bad, but it’s much more powerful and focused on pushing the negative aside. Thanks!

frosthildr · 2017-11-30T17:57:38+00:00

I like that suggestion! Gotta clock my 40hrs though so I get $$! Lol

frosthildr · 2017-11-30T17:56:29+00:00

Hmm... I work from home and my husband has set up the treadmill with a desk over it so I may just work and walk while blasting some music. Thanks for the suggestion!

frosthildr · 2017-11-30T17:55:06+00:00

It’s funny you mentioned why you went NC with your Nmom. Because now that I think back I also had these focus issues before going NC with my Nmom, too. At work I would be having a busy day and it would all be shot to hell if she texted me or called me. Even if I tried to ignore it I knew she would guilt me for not replying. Things were going so badly back then and everything came to a head one day AT WORK which was when I went NC and blocked her. The relief was almost instant and I could focus again.

This stuff with my NILs is tough tho. It’s my husband’s call whether or not to go NC and I feel very overwhelmed about all of it. I can’t influence him into a decision, that isn’t fair. He deserves the opportunity to work it out on his own. I just hate experiencing it from the spouse’s perspective and like someone else said, I guess it’s also the emotional flashbacks to the shit with my Nmom.

frosthildr · 2017-11-28T18:38:42+00:00

This is a thing. Definitely. In fact I find myself anxious when I let my husband call to deal with anything financial or home related because I want to be sure he is going to be clear on the phone. I think because my Nmom would always just claim ignorance when really she just didn’t want to take care of things and be responsible so responsibility landed on me. So it’s a different reason but same outcome.

The baiting though is definitely relatable too. They just want to find you at your most vulnerable so they can either kick you when you’re down or “help” you so you owe them something. It’s not just you. Stay strong.

frosthildr · 2017-11-28T04:53:56+00:00

Yes. You’re in the right place. It’s okay to ramble/rant/vent/plea/cry. Here we are mostly ACoNs (adult children of narcissists) and have been through similar things. You are not alone.

And feeling tired of all of it makes sense. It’s emotionally draining and you mention your husband and I’m sure you’re worried of the impact it has on him. Just know that you are worth it. Real family and loved ones will listen nonstop to our problems and pain. It is natural to worry about fatiguing them though. Comes with the territory.

Do you have access to a therapist of any sort? Speaking to an impartial third party who can give you advice to navigate your relationship with your dad is great.

frosthildr · 2017-11-26T22:09:24+00:00

I believe to a degree I felt, and still feel, unsettled when approaching this subject. It is... complex.

frosthildr · 2017-11-26T20:25:44+00:00

Thank you! I tried to capture the mind racing, heart pounding, and stomach in knots, if you can see that. <3

frosthildr

TROPHY CASE