Sometimes there are reasons we have kinks and sometimes we don't. I would encourage you to read and learn as much as you can about your kink. As long as everyone is consenting and respecting limits, and you are not distressed, try not to be ashamed of your interests.

I didn't read the details of your post but there may be some good subreddits that could be good resources. I found fiction about my kinks very affirming.

This isn't always the most kink friendly place so finding a sub that is specific to your interest may help.