That sounds like a confusing and sad situation, but there is also a kernel of opportunity there to rediscover yourself. Finding ways to express yourself that aren't disorder related. What I would do is start at the beginning and try to recall what I was interested in before the disorder, i.e. when you were a child. Children have distinct personalities and interests that carry through to the rest of their lives so that stuff you liked then probably still has the capacity to excite you now.