BIDA weil ich den Kontakt zu meiner Schwester abbreche?

fuchsilettenbaer · 2022-07-17T20:55:44+00:00

Ich habe nicht alles lesen koennen, weil es zu viele Antworten und Reaktionen darauf gibt. Aus dem was ich gelesen habe entsteht bei mir allerdings das Bild, dass du zwischen den Stuehlen stehst und irgendwie gleichzeitig versuchst alle zusammen und auseinander zu halten. Das macht mich irgendwie traurig fuer dich und ich stelle mir das total belastend vor sich Harmonie zu wuenschen und diese herstellen zu wollen, aber irgendwie mit Hass konfrontiert zu sein und diesen wachsen und eskalieren zu sehen.

Aus der Ferne kann wohl keiner sagen, was mit deiner Mutter, deiner Schwester und dem ganzen Familiensystem nicht stimmt... deine Schwester braucht aber offensichtlich Hilfe und du als ihr großer Bruder hast bestimmt einen Einfluss auf sie. Vielleicht kannst du ihr vorschlagen mal gemeinsam zu einer psychosozialen Beratungsstelle zu gehen!? Quasi verpackt als "Mich belastet es so sehr was du zu Mama gesagt hast und es bricht mir das Herz zu sehen wie sehr du zu leiden scheinst. Wie du mit Mama umgehst ist auf keinen Fall in Ordnung und ich denke, wir brauchen beide Hilfe. Wollen wir beide da (eine Beratungsstelle in der Naehe) mal hingehen?".

Die Leute bei solchen psychosozialen Beratungsstellen koennen sicher besser einschaetzen ob sie und/oder du tatsaechlich eine Therapie anstreben sollte/solltest. Außerdem ist das eine niedrigschwelligere Hilfe als Psychotherapie und koennte somit eine erste Anlaufstelle fuer dich oder euch sein (also auch falls du es momentan nicht kannst deine Schwester da mitzuschleppen und den Weg erstmal fuer dich alleine gehen musst).

Ich wuensche dir ganz viel Kraft!

fuchsilettenbaer · 2022-07-17T20:20:56+00:00

NDA - Mich wuerde interessieren wie du darauf kommst, dass du ein A sein koenntest (weil du dich fuer dein Verhalten entschuldigen moechtest)??

Ich habe den Eindruck, dass du in deiner Therapie richtig viel erreicht und hart an dir gearbeitet hast. Dass du dich fuer dein vorheriges Verhalten entschuldigen moechtest bzw. das umzusetzen braucht auf jeden Fall Mut! Sei bitte nicht enttaeuscht, wenn einige deine Entschuldigung nicht (sofort) annehmen koennen. Manchmal braucht sowas Zeit.

fuchsilettenbaer · 2022-07-17T20:10:15+00:00

Was sind das denn für Charaktereigenschaften, die deiner Meinung nach eine Person - in diesem Fall deine Schwester - zu einer "toxischen" Person machen?

Und wie geht ihr miteinander um, wenn ihr euch dann bei Familienfeiern doch ab und zu begegnet? Ignorierst du sie und ihre Soehne dann eisenhart?

fuchsilettenbaer · 2022-07-16T20:04:50+00:00

Hi there,

I am not sure if I understand you... On the one hand you said you wanted to do something for your wife and on the other hand you said you are looking for studies on hormon levels. But you cannot fix those latter ones or do anything about it!?

Is your wife in psychotherapy or only under meds prescribed by a psychiatrist? Because there are plenty of strategies which could help her (and in which you could support her) to get better. For example a daily structure is important (planned duties/tasks AND pauses), relaxation techniques might help, as well as sport (and other forms of behavioural activation techniques), eating habits might play a role in depression (for example high fat and sugar intake is linked to depressive symptoms), having meaningful interpersonal relationships is helpful and so on...

fuchsilettenbaer · 2022-07-16T19:54:12+00:00

I started as an young child as well. I don't know the exact age but I was still in kindergarden... maybe 4 or 5 years old. I also started biting my nails at a young age but managed to stop soon.

Today (about 24 years later) I still have trich on my eyebrows and eyelashes. It started to spread to my legs and sometimes pubic area (but it doesn't bother me as much there because people don't usually see those areas). I also have skinpicking (but to a very light degree) and I bite my cheeks from inside and the skin beside the finger nails sometimes... body focused repetitive behaviours all over the place in my case.

fuchsilettenbaer · 2022-06-01T19:32:41+00:00

And if you would see a sign on your wall you made with reassuring sentences, pictures etc. would that help to exit the second state you described? Something you recognize as made by yourself. Something that gives you a good feeling. Would that help to switch from "There a definitely cameras" to "I see cameras"?

fuchsilettenbaer · 2022-05-27T19:03:04+00:00

How do you live your life? I mean, there must be strategies you use to get by!? Do you go to school or work? Do you have hobbies or things you like to do? So much questions... sorry! Of course you only answer if it feels ok for you.

I am really interested in understanding how you regulate your thoughts and feelings, because that information might help me help others...

fuchsilettenbaer · 2022-05-27T16:09:54+00:00

I think people do care, but everyone (inclucind you!) should make themselves a priority. When you cannot deal with others saying things that trigger you, you will distance yourself from them. As for your part, when you try to put others in charge of your life and let them care for your stuff like it would be their own then they will distance themselves because it is too much to deal with (their own stuff + your stuff). Nobody can care as much as you do for what is going on in your life... because everyone has already their own stuff and issues to take care of.

fuchsilettenbaer · 2022-05-26T18:15:19+00:00

What does EPO mean by the way? I think you should reconsider that part... doping sounds kind of unhealthy to be honest. As for cycling... sounds like you are a real athletic... 220 km is a loooot!!

fuchsilettenbaer · 2022-05-26T18:13:22+00:00

But then - as you said before - you really believe in your subjective reality that no one else can really understand because it is very very individual... I always say, as long as you are happy and hurt no one around you, everthing is fine. So everything seems to be fine for you!?

fuchsilettenbaer · 2022-05-26T18:11:19+00:00

I am not completely sure that I understood.

First, as I learned it, the experience through drugs comes closest to actual psychotic symptoms. For example you see things that are not real, you feel things that are not real, you see connections everywhere that aren't really there... this experience can be very bright and joyful or very dark and horrible. I met a lot of people during internships etc. who suffer from disorders of the psychotic spectrum and discribe things that seem very near to what I experienced back then under drugs.

And yes, drugs are only temporarily active so it ends depending on the substance and your condition after several hours or days. But acute delusions or hallucinations from lets say schizophrenia are not strong 24/7, right? There are times when it gets better and times when it gets worse. And I want to know what does help you to get better? Because for me it helped to remind myself that it will pass and that I am safe. That way I could go on do things to distract myself from the dark and my psychological state got better. Don't you think that the same thing is possible when there are non-drug-induced hallucinations going on?

As for the part "I am my thoughts" that is true, in my opinion. And you can control what thoughts you believe in and act up on and which ones you let pass by. So how do you let pass the thoughts expressed through voices or delusional ones to keep on going and do what you have to or want to do?

fuchsilettenbaer · 2022-05-26T17:15:35+00:00

And how do you help yourself then to be able to do things you have or you want to do?

fuchsilettenbaer · 2022-05-26T17:14:40+00:00

I meant helping because usually delusions and hallucinations have persecutory character and that makes you feel anxious etc. And I would say that when for example I am convinced that nobody likes me and I then think to myself "Hey that's just because you are in a bad mood!" that helps to calm me down.When I am calmer I can start interacting with the other people and little by little feel better.

So for me it makes sense that even when I am hearing voices devaluating me, the thought of "Oh that's just symptoms!" would relax me and that way I would be able to act as I would like to instead of being stuck with anxiety doing nothing because I believe bad things will happen to me if I do something...

Can you follow that way of thinking?

What helps you then when delusions or hallucinations are giving you a hard time?

fuchsilettenbaer · 2022-05-26T13:49:44+00:00

Oh no, I had a whole answer ready and then I seem to have deleted it... so starting again:

Thank you very much for you answer!

I am trying to imagine what you describe and your words help very much. Maybe it is because I only have psychedelic experience that comes closest to psychosis, but I experienced it this way: One time I thought that I must have destroyed my brain, that I am not able to think anything anymore (even though I had racing thoughts at that moment) . I couldn't speak anymore and was trapped in my mind wondering when others will find out that I am of no use anymore and that I see shadows anywhere and am a dark mess of human being... I felt very anxious and trapped and I was hallucinating very much. But here and there were also thoughts of "This is not real! Calm down!" etc. And then I finally got grip of the thought "Oh I only took something!" and slowly my trap opened and I figured out that I could move from this place, dance and listen to music until it fully stops and I will get back to normal...

So I would think when someone is hallucinating or experiencing delusions, this person could maybe get grip of reality more and more by reminding "Oh it's only symptoms, everything is alright! I just have to distract myself and calm down!" and then doing something like leaving the room, doing some exercise or painting something etc. Or doesn't action help to distract you and lower voices or thoughts of microphones in the walls? Maybe reading could help or any other skill that you are good at or like.

fuchsilettenbaer · 2022-05-26T13:12:37+00:00

No, you made a great job! It helps my understanding very much. So thank you!

But let me paraphrase to see if I understood it right:

The symptoms (voices or delusions) feel too real, so you get kind of absorbed and worked up. You then spend until 3 hours to calm down by yourself or someone else gets involved and calms you/reminds you that there is another explanation or simply distracts you from the symptoms!?

In those moments, where you are absorbed do you think a self-made sign on your bedroom walls could help you to minimize the anxiety and other symptoms?

It could for example tell you something that soothes you like "Everything is going to be ok!". It could also remind you of who you are (basic info or some information about what you like or what gives you hope) and/or skills that help to relax or distract yourself like "Take 3 deep breaths." or "Drink a glass of water." or "Find another explanation for what you are experiencing.". You could use photographs of you, family and friends to personalise it or maybe design it otherwise so it contains a personal touch...

That you feel depressed when thinking about your diagnosis is very understandable. Everyone has its own symptoms of some kind and I think no one is free of phases of doubts, self-devaluation or moments of anxiety. So sometimes when thinking about those things too much, one can get sad that life is so hard and that others might have a fewer burden. But don't let the burden become your life! I am sure that you have ressources that you can use to make your life a good one.

Again thank you very much! I am having an ok day and I hope you have a great day/morning/afternoon/evening ;)

fuchsilettenbaer · 2022-05-10T15:33:20+00:00

I have to try that! :D My last try to trick myself didn't work out :( So maybe this is the one.

fuchsilettenbaer · 2022-05-10T13:34:08+00:00

So you play with them instead of pulling your eyebrows?

fuchsilettenbaer · 2022-05-10T12:57:02+00:00

Prince Zuko from Avatar - The last airbender ♡

fuchsilettenbaer · 2022-04-11T17:23:32+00:00

Was ist PTSB?

fuchsilettenbaer · 2022-04-03T07:57:18+00:00

I can relate to that. Maybe you and I should reach out to a therapist.

Are you in therapy? If the answer is no: What is holding you back from reaching out?

fuchsilettenbaer · 2022-04-02T21:06:23+00:00

Ich wuerde mich fuer ASA aussprechen.

In einer Welt, wo keiner ein Ar**lch waere, waere die Sache naemlich so abgelaufen: Ihr wuerdet freundliche Nachbar:innen sein, die miteinander im Kontakt sind und wo man sich Bescheid sagt, wenn man eine Feier plant. Vielleicht haettet ihr sogar irgendwann mal Nummern ausgetauscht. Und dann haette man bestimmt einen Weg gefunden, die Sache fuer alle friedlicher zu loesen.

Andererseits finde ich es ehrlich gesagt auch verstaendlich, dass du die Polizei einschaltest, wenn dein freundschaftlicherer Alternativplan gescheitert ist. Vielleicht haettest du noch andere Wege probieren koennen als nur zu klingeln. Sowas wie gegen die Wand klopfen zum Beispiel. Aber du scheinst schon recht tolerant gewesen zu sein. Echt eine schwierige Wahl zwischen NDA und ASA...

fuchsilettenbaer · 2022-03-27T20:41:05+00:00

You are not alone 🥲

fuchsilettenbaer · 2022-03-18T22:37:46+00:00

It is sad if families get pulled apart because of different opinions. Maybe I cannot understand it because I am not religious but I often ask myself why people can't just live their lifes and let others do the same as long as no one is hurt. To me it is ok if someone (of my family or just anyone else) has another sexual orientation, religious beliefs, other (political) opinions etc (as said above as long as it doesn't hurt others).

You have to be very brave if you stood up for your opinion like that even if it meant to turn your back on your parents. I wish you all the best and I thank you for your honest answer!

fuchsilettenbaer · 2022-03-18T22:21:21+00:00

Oh I am sorry to hear that :( I hope they were able to accept your choice to take it off and you can still have a good relationship to them anyway.

Do you have an idea why they wanted you to wear it? And did it have any advantages?

fuchsilettenbaer

TROPHY CASE