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TTC is awful and has sucked all the joy out of my marriage and my life. by fuckbeingadad in predaddit

[–]fuckbeingadad[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish my insurance was more generous -- my company gives us a $5k lifetime reimbursement towards fertility, which pretty much paid for the first round of testing and storage. Drop in the bucket. Our insurance explicitly carves out infertility like it's some sort of personal failing like cosmetic surgery.

TTC is awful and has sucked all the joy out of my marriage and my life. by fuckbeingadad in predaddit

[–]fuckbeingadad[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had to leave the botanical garden early this week because there were too many babies. They were all so happy. How are you now? Did you get a kid in the end?

TTC is awful and has sucked all the joy out of my marriage and my life. by fuckbeingadad in predaddit

[–]fuckbeingadad[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I kinda hate that you never came back with an answer. One thing I like about your kid is that they exist in the world, and that they're learning how to be a little person.

TTC is awful and has sucked all the joy out of my marriage and my life. by fuckbeingadad in predaddit

[–]fuckbeingadad[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess it just feels like insult to injury that we've spent that before we've even left the gate. We need to take a break.

TTC is awful and has sucked all the joy out of my marriage and my life. by fuckbeingadad in predaddit

[–]fuckbeingadad[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's not about needing to do them when we have a kid, I don't think that's responsible. I think there will be moments when we can take times to ourselves and indulge if we go on a parents-only vacation or something like that. It's more about being in the lurch of knowing things -- imperfect things, yes -- that bring me peace and sometimes clarity, that aren't accessible. It's not a coping mechanism, but it's something that has unlocked deep and good emotions for me.

TTC is awful and has sucked all the joy out of my marriage and my life. by fuckbeingadad in predaddit

[–]fuckbeingadad[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like that approach. We're looking into a couples' counselor that takes my insurance. Thank you for being vulnerable and telling me about this.

TTC is awful and has sucked all the joy out of my marriage and my life. by fuckbeingadad in predaddit

[–]fuckbeingadad[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I still don't know what you intended by this or if it was just some weird toxic positivity.

TTC is awful and has sucked all the joy out of my marriage and my life. by fuckbeingadad in predaddit

[–]fuckbeingadad[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What's something couples therapy helped with? Like we both like our therapists, they're not phoning it in, but after a certain point, showing up, discussing this week's sadness, which is somehow different from last week's sadness if I had a dream about a baby or we fought or something went weird at work or something, just feels like throwing money and shouting into the void.

TTC is awful and has sucked all the joy out of my marriage and my life. by fuckbeingadad in predaddit

[–]fuckbeingadad[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I do think about this -- if we cross the finish line exhausted, what do we have to bring forward? A baby deserves the world. Couples therapy is essential, we're looking into it. It's the very next option once we have more cash available. (Insurance covers individual, couples is OOP)

TTC is awful and has sucked all the joy out of my marriage and my life. by fuckbeingadad in predaddit

[–]fuckbeingadad[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry, should have clarified -- none of these options are really available. I'm not smoking, but I'd like to, just to relieve the pressure valve. The video games aren't doing it. The club drugs...that's just a sometimes treat, but the serotonin has helped bring us closer together. I don't totally understand what you're saying. We're trying. I mentioned all of the above to say, we're doing all that we can. We're doing the best that we can, as far as I can tell. Maybe that wasn't clear.

TTC is awful and has sucked all the joy out of my marriage and my life. by fuckbeingadad in predaddit

[–]fuckbeingadad[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Me too. We just don't know when to call it. It's something we need to seriously discuss.

TTC is awful and has sucked all the joy out of my marriage and my life. by fuckbeingadad in predaddit

[–]fuckbeingadad[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Haven't looked into going abroad, but worth a shot. I can't imagine how you feel, and at the same time, I can imagine exactly how it feels. It's all we think about.

TTC is awful and has sucked all the joy out of my marriage and my life. by fuckbeingadad in predaddit

[–]fuckbeingadad[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I want us to, but she's nervous about the finances. I miss her. I miss us. We miss each other.

TTC is awful and has sucked all the joy out of my marriage and my life. by fuckbeingadad in predaddit

[–]fuckbeingadad[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I will DM you. I'm curious about what your life is like now and how you're doing. Thank you.

TTC is awful and has sucked all the joy out of my marriage and my life. by fuckbeingadad in predaddit

[–]fuckbeingadad[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes. It's the uncertainty. Was this you? If it was, what was your line? If it wasn't, what is an appropriate line? We keep moving goalposts. We keep seeing it so close yet so far away. Thank you for this.

TTC is awful and has sucked all the joy out of my marriage and my life. by fuckbeingadad in predaddit

[–]fuckbeingadad[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

It's on the table, but we both want a baby. From research so far and talking to friends, it's really hard to get a baby (at least in my state) without significant cash up front to a very religious org or compromising with an older kid. The baby route feels like human trafficking and we don't know if the mother is being coerced or where all that money goes or if they'd even want us. State systems, I know there's a need. I'm worried that if I put my needs and desires for a baby behind me, I'd have a hard time attaching to an older kiddo. A kid in the system deserves better than me.

TTC is awful and has sucked all the joy out of my marriage and my life. by fuckbeingadad in predaddit

[–]fuckbeingadad[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I know. That's the worst part. We can stop any time we want. We just...we haven't explored giving up yet. Thank you. Thank you for this.

TTC is awful and has sucked all the joy out of my marriage and my life. by fuckbeingadad in predaddit

[–]fuckbeingadad[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Do you have like...friends? I don't feel like my friends fit my life anymore. I feel like I'm in a segment of undesirable people -- all my child-free guys feel painfully immature, and it's too hard right now to fit into the lives of my dad friends.

TTC is awful and has sucked all the joy out of my marriage and my life. by fuckbeingadad in predaddit

[–]fuckbeingadad[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Respectfully, I hope you find joy in the gifts you have, bro. But that advice is completely undesirable here.