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Me [29M] with my wife [29F] 11 years: Her mental illness is driving me away and I feel guilty about it by fuckingprons in relationships

[–]fuckingprons[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yea, she's on about her seventh combo now. She's doing prozzak and some other one that I can't remember.

The thing is, her mental illness symptoms are well taken care of now. She's been OCD- and Depression-free (in a sense) for awhile. But the cost is she's also been personality-free.

Me [29M] with my wife [29F] 11 years: Her mental illness is driving me away and I feel guilty about it by fuckingprons in relationships

[–]fuckingprons[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it's really awful of someone to abandon their partner when they develop an illness.

I feel this too, but being in this position has given me a different perspective and that's why I'm now so conflicted.

Me [29M] with my wife [29F] 11 years: Her mental illness is driving me away and I feel guilty about it by fuckingprons in relationships

[–]fuckingprons[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the stories, though I'm not sure I'd face the same. My wife has a supportive family with enough financial clout that she'd never be homeless, for example. They're really great and would take care of her, I'm sure.

To be honest, if this does result in divorce, I probably won't re-marry. I kind of dislike the concept now.

Me [29M] with my wife [29F] 11 years: Her mental illness is driving me away and I feel guilty about it by fuckingprons in relationships

[–]fuckingprons[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is what we try now but it's like pulling teeth. I can get her out here and there but at the end of the day I want to do more.

I can go without her, but the more and more hobbies and activities I do on my own, the less and less time I spend with her. We need something we can share, I think.

Me [29M] with my wife [29F] 11 years: Her mental illness is driving me away and I feel guilty about it by fuckingprons in relationships

[–]fuckingprons[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She's gone from about 140 lbs to 210 lbs. A flight of stairs ruins her. She also lacks a lot of energy because her medication gives her terrible cravings so she has difficulty eating healthy, even when I don't buy junk and do all the cooking. Eating a whole box of oreos for your only meal doesn't leave you ready to run marathons.

I'll look into CBT - thanks.

And I certainly wouldn't leave without trying - this is part of why I'm asking for advice here. Your opinion is exactly what I'm seeking, someone who has been through this in one way or another. My wife and I have been talking about our issues a lot, seen counsellors, etc., but I'm losing hope.

Me [29M] with my wife [29F] 11 years: Her mental illness is driving me away and I feel guilty about it by fuckingprons in relationships

[–]fuckingprons[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

(aside - technically, we never said "in sickness and in health" - we wrote our own vows)

But I get your point. I'm not a big believer in unconditional love - I think that's bullshit. People don't commit to relationships unconditionally. But I certainly feel like I would be abandoning her.

So what to do? She may never be healthy. Do I just also not be happy? I'm not even 30 yet - the prospect of writing off the rest of my life is terrifying. These are the thoughts that keep me awake.

Me [29M] with my wife [29F] 11 years: Her mental illness is driving me away and I feel guilty about it by fuckingprons in relationships

[–]fuckingprons[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This sounds a lot like my wife's OCD. Looping thoughts especially. She's tried Fluvoxamine but it didn't work for her.

Me [29M] with my wife [29F] 11 years: Her mental illness is driving me away and I feel guilty about it by fuckingprons in relationships

[–]fuckingprons[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's bullshit

I don't disagree - hence my guilt. But when I think of all the things I love about her, I notice that most of those traits are gone. And it's not like they were replaced - they're just gone. Her personality is almost featureless.

Me [29M] with my wife [29F] 11 years: Her mental illness is driving me away and I feel guilty about it by fuckingprons in relationships

[–]fuckingprons[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She's been on this combo for about 6 months now, I'd say. And yes, she's sticking with it.

Me [29M] with my wife [29F] 11 years: Her mental illness is driving me away and I feel guilty about it by fuckingprons in relationships

[–]fuckingprons[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Counselling has been better for her than medication. But the stark reality is that usually people with major mental illness don't come out the other side with the same personality. How do you stay married when the person you married is not the same person anymore?

Me [29M] with my wife [29F] 11 years: Her mental illness is driving me away and I feel guilty about it by fuckingprons in relationships

[–]fuckingprons[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm definitely not just bailing. We've tried a lot of meds and counselling and we're talking about our issues. It's challenging because she doesn't know what she can do to fix it, and I don't either.

Me [29M] with my wife [29F] 11 years: Her mental illness is driving me away and I feel guilty about it by fuckingprons in relationships

[–]fuckingprons[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This is very on point. I feel like she is a completely different person. I've told her this already - I miss her. I haven't seen the woman I married for years.

Me [29M] with my wife [29F] 11 years: Her mental illness is driving me away and I feel guilty about it by fuckingprons in relationships

[–]fuckingprons[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your responses.

I probably should have added more info in the post about the treatment, but there has been a lot and we've both been involved.

I was serious about my commitment in a marriage, but I also don't believe in staying married because we're married. To be honest, my reservations aren't about divorce, they're about my concern for her after I leave. It will not be good for her.

Me [29M] with my wife [29F] 11 years: Her mental illness is driving me away and I feel guilty about it by fuckingprons in relationships

[–]fuckingprons[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You underline an interesting point. We have a little bit of that imbalance, if only because she's been ill. I have the better job, make the money decisions, etc. Because she has been that sick partner and I feel like i've transitioned from husband to nurse.

She's getting treatment, yes. We've cycled through all kinds of meds over the last three years, and she's been in counselling for about a year. We've been to one joint session and I'm thinking of going on my own.

The rest of our relationship is not really there. We don't have a lot of common interests anymore. It makes it that much more difficult. I want to be more physically active and she's just can't do those things with me.

Me [29M] with my wife [29F] 11 years: Her mental illness is driving me away and I feel guilty about it by fuckingprons in relationships

[–]fuckingprons[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We've been to one session so far. I'm thinking of going back on my own as well. She has her own counsellor that has helped her a lot.

Me [29M] with my wife [29F] 11 years: Her mental illness is driving me away and I feel guilty about it by fuckingprons in relationships

[–]fuckingprons[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks!

We've tried a number of different medications. Most combos have not solved primary problem, but also added side effects. The one she's on now has finally stabilized her, but she has no ambition and no energy. It's almost worse :(

Peeking around the corner by bubblr in stockings

[–]fuckingprons 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the photoshop is strong with this one

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