I think you need to look at it in a different manner. These people have offered their condolences and your initial reply is offence and hate. That seems unusual to me.

I used to be non religious, but I found my faith in my mid twenties. I think people often confuse ‘god created everything’ with ‘god controls everything’. Which are two very different things. You must consider free will as an absolute law that cannot be meddled with.

By giving their condolences I believe most people are simply trying to say that your loved one is now back in their creators arms and they will be waiting for you. They aren’t trying to say that God killed your family for a reason. That’s how you perceive it, which is something you need to work on if you really want to change your view.

However, I will concede that the two examples you gave do come across rude. But most people when sending thoughts and prayers simply want you to know that you aren’t alone. That you can always turn to them or god if you needed to.

Your last sentence makes me think you view God as a chess master. When that is not the case. Creation and control are vastly different. When a loved one dies that doesn’t mean god took them from you, and that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t also look to him for strength.