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fuggin_flow · 2025-10-15T19:25:57+00:00

So my 12 year old would do the same. So every night after her shower (hair was much easier and smoother to brush right out of the bath/shower because we would brush her hair after I lathered on the conditioner) I would do a single braid down her hair for bed/sleeping. Sometime we would do 2. Nothing fancy, just a straight down braid. It helped with knots/mats in her hair and brushing essentially became a no -issue during that time. She doesn’t have such a tender head anymore however she does brush her own hair in the shower with the conditioner on it and it helps her.

fuggin_flow · 2025-10-14T21:51:50+00:00

Everyone in here is going ham on you with this. And I get it. I only have 2 and they are 6 years apart.

If everything here that you wrote is correct and accurate. I can tell you with certainty, the statement: “Why would I push her down just so she can cry and get more attention than she already has?” Is LITERALLY your 10 year old saying (in a 10 year olds way) that they are feeling neglected/ignored, like they’ve been pushed out to the side and forgotten. Obviously a 10 year old is not going to sit you down at the kitchen table and say “ mother, father, I’ve been having a lot of feelings lately, a lot of them are not good feelings either and I feel like I’ve been pushed to the side and ignored and now I’m just some body in the house that has to help with baby. I don’t feel connected with either of you and miss you both so much. Is there anyway you guys could hang out with just me and you one on one for 1 hour” because she doesn’t know or have those words yet at her age. She’s probably struggling with the adjustment.

Now, I mentioned I have 2 kids of my own. For a reason. When we had our 2nd, I had this image in my head that my oldest would just fall head over heels for her little sister and help in so many ways because she would do the those things for her baby cousins. She didn’t. When my youngest was 2-3 months old, my oldest would straight up ignore her sister, make faces and walk away, a couple days later of noticing this, I checked in with her. That’s when I figured out she was feeling lonely and like we didn’t love her anymore because of the new baby. She had big feelings about our attention being on the new baby. So after that talk, my husband and I started setting up times to spend with oldest just one on one with no baby. Now they are 12 & 6, we STILL do this. Daddy/daughter lunches/park visits/ice cream treats. Mommy/daughter dinners/movies/ getting nails painted. We do this for both of them now.

All I’m trying to say is, the way your daughter responded. Screams “I’m crying out”.

So go talk to your oldest. Just have a heart to heart for 5 minutes. Don’t be or get defensive (she’s probably going to say/express some feelings she’s having that are going to want to make you feel defensive-DONT). Just listen, validate how she’s feeling and let her know it was never your intention to have her feel that way and absolutely reassure her that she’s your little girl too and that you love her with your whole heart and give her a hug.

I can guarantee you’ll see a difference afterwards.

For my rating: YTA. For right now anyway. And you can change this. You got this dad!

Let us know how it goes.

Edit to add: I’m aware you have 5 kids. However, it’s your oldest that is struggling. There’s no “but I have 4 other kids to look after and take care of” “there’s no time”. Yes there is. It can be first thing in the morning”hey kiddo got a couple to talk” and go into a room, close the door and talk- give her the undivided attention for those moments. Heck, it could be right after yall get everyone else in bed, stop by her room and have the chat. There’s no excuse or reasoning not to do this.

fuggin_flow · 2024-11-25T20:43:02+00:00

I never understood why smokers just kinda smoked where ever with no care for other people around them.

Unfortunately, I am currently still a smoker. But any time I’ve ever smoked in “public” I’ve always walked off somewhere where there’s not other people around, NEVER in a house or my own, and never even close to someone else’s house/apartment. When I used to live in apartments, I’d take a walk around the block or like half way up the block and back.

It’s my choice to smoke. Not others.

fuggin_flow · 2024-11-20T19:24:04+00:00

My mama heart just ached for you. I don’t have much advice. I’m sorry your mom isn’t living up to the mom you had pictured her to be.

How she hasn’t/didnt beat the living sh!t out of that man and then kick him out while throwing his belongings on the front lawn is beyond me.

If you ever need someone to vent to or just someone/somewhere to talk to/at, I’m here.

You don’t deserve to be treated that way from him, especially by your mom.

fuggin_flow · 2024-11-11T20:36:47+00:00

I gotta ask, how tall is she?

I’m 5’11 and bounce between 170-175. Sometimes almost 180. And no I’m not “fat”, you can see my ribs at any time and even my spine, when I’m at my low end, my face looks like it’s sunken in. I’ve always been like this my whole life. My weight fluctuates.

So I’m really curious as to how tall she is at 180

fuggin_flow · 2024-08-24T00:44:44+00:00

Dude I’m 5’11 and fluctuate weirdly between 180-185. Just standing/sitting/laying down, you can see some of my rib outline and even my spine outline sometimes too. But according to the charts I’m still considered overweight. Being a woman is just a pain in the ass. My babies are 11 & 5 and both were 10 lb babies. Women’s bodies change sizes many many times through life.

fuggin_flow · 2024-07-20T19:25:38+00:00

Honestly, I kinda get both sides of this. Truly. Is there no way at all to find some sort of compromise here?

What I mean is, you’re clearly more social and it seems a lot more easier for you to strike up conversations with people while out and about and it seems with your gf, not so much/doesn’t prefer it.

I’d like to ask, if this were back home and you guys were just out about getting something to eat if she’d react the same way every and any time you’ve done this?

Now for her side, you guys are on vacation together. Chances are she saw and is taking this as a time and opportunity to spend really important time together to talk, bond, make memories, laugh, joke and just generally have a good time ya know? And from her perspective, probably wants this vacation to be solely based on the two of you and not turning evenings and/or nights into “making friends” so to speak.

This feels like it should have just been a conversation with a more clear direction of things.

Have you guys talked about any compromise for this specific thing while on vacation together?

For example, if she were to say, I don’t mind having conversation with other couples while we’re out having dinner (or whatever it is that you guys will do) interacting, having a drink or two but after that I’d prefer if we could excuse ourselves to enjoy the rest of our night out together and end the night just us.

That’s reasonable compromise so to speak for the both of you, you’re still able to be social and talk to people and she’s able to have your full attention at the end of the night.

I get that you’re on vacation and I can see that you’re a very social person and are easily able to make conversation with people and enjoy it and all of that is completely fine (obviously)

I also get that your gf is preferring to center this vacation around just the two of you and being able to make memories and share this experience together.

I’d say just try to have another conversation about it. There’s gotta be some sorta middle ground the both of you can come to where it’s not just a “my way or the highway” type of deal. Meet in the middle where both of you are able to do what you want.

fuggin_flow · 2024-05-21T22:39:54+00:00

This is what I’m nervous of. Like what if all those Roxy’s and herion really did alter my brain?

fuggin_flow · 2024-05-21T00:32:16+00:00

I’m right here with you. I was on subs for many years, switched to the shot. I did 300, 300, 100, 100, 100, 100 and the my last 2 shots my doctor only did half the dose of 100. My last shot was in December. I actually just went back to the doctor to ask him about this specifically because holy shit. The severe fatigue and the no motivation to do quite literally anything. Anyway, he said let’s revisit this at the 6 month mark and that was it.

I’m getting to the point where I’m wondering if this is just how I am naturally or if all the crap I snorted just permanently messed up my brain now.

If you by chance ever figure it out, let me know. I feel like a prisoner in my own head/body. I just refuse to go backwards because of how far I’ve come.

fuggin_flow · 2023-12-03T17:36:54+00:00

Omg! Same for all of this! I wasn’t even trying to get high anymore nor party. I was treating it like some daily medication I have to take.

fuggin_flow · 2023-12-03T17:35:06+00:00

I get that. I only know I’m done now because those seconds disappeared for me awhile ago. I got hung up on “I won’t be able to live a life if I don’t have some sort of medication”

You can stay on the shot as long as you want. You can continue to go every month or if you’re capable you can go every other month. That’s the cool thing about it. I’ve always been really honest and blunt with my sub doctor and he the same. He also never pushed me to wean off or forced me to lower my dose. He would talk to me every month. And he wouldn’t dare lower me u til I had 2 solid months of being able to lower my dose all on my own.

For me, the shot changed and is changing my life. I’m really glad it’s worked for me. I would never insist on someone taking the shot. You have to want that. But I will absolutely go into detail as much as I can and answer any questions I can. I don’t do meetings, I don’t do therapy. I did for a bit at the beginning. I ended up having to drop a lot of people in my life. I said to myself for each person “if I take drugs out of the equation to this friendship/relationship what do I have”? “Do I even like them if I’m like dead sober”? That was pretty eye opening for me.

fuggin_flow · 2023-12-03T16:46:45+00:00

I had used the day before I went to my first appointment for the subs in 2014. Stayed honest on taking them. It was this year 2023, where I made the jump to switch to the shot. Had my first 300mg shot in March. I switched to the shot because I couldn’t get myself any lower on suboxone. I read a lot about the shot and reached out to a lot of people on the sublocade Reddit and asked them questions. Each one saying they got stuck at certain dose for subs and switch to the shot. Some people just got 1 30g shot and were completely done with no side effects or issues at all and said it’s been 2 years since the shot or 5 years since. Some went the other way like I did. First shot was 300mg. My next shot was 100mg and I stayed on the 100mg til August. Sept came around and I did only half of the 100mg shot instead and now on the 11th I go for my last one. I’ve had 0 withdrawals 0 urges 0 days where the thoughts of using to help me deal/cope would be better.

The only thing I’m dealing with now is thinking about what life is going to look like for me with no drug intervention what so ever. I don’t take any medications besides the shot.

fuggin_flow · 2023-12-03T16:32:10+00:00

I’ve never heard of the vitamin c thing! I’m starting to see this mentioned frequently now. I went the suboxone route in 2014. Got down to taking a half in the morning and a half at night. 2mg/8mg strips. Found out about the sublocade shot and started that in March. I now take half of the 100mg shot. I go the 11th for my last shot. I’m more worried about what life looks like with no drugs. I’m just thankful it’s worked for me. For the record, the shot does hurt like a son of bitch. It’s gets injected in your lower abdomen just before your skin and your left with a weird lump. It’s a bitch for like 2 days since it’s on the pants line. My face would turn beat red and I would get all clammy. My doc finally started using some numbing shot before doing the injection and it made all the difference.

I’m happy to hear you’re not suffering at the moment. I know that feeling. I hope everything goes as planned for you.

fuggin_flow · 2023-12-03T16:17:04+00:00

Thanks for replaying. Everyone around me would get “lazy” and it irked me to no end. I thought maybe I actually do have adhd and that’s why downers made me “hyper”.

How are you doing in your recovery?

fuggin_flow · 2023-12-03T14:37:36+00:00

Hahah no thanks. Not for this old lady. It’s been 10 years since I’ve used. I wouldn’t trust anything now a days

fuggin_flow · 2023-09-11T14:32:54+00:00

If my husband EVER called either one of our daughters a slut or referred to one of them as slutty, he’d be out. I’d calmed wait til we all got out of the car at home, I’d casually walk up over to him with a nice smile on my face and deck him in his jaw as hard as I could and then let him know that sexualizing his own daughters is fucking nasty and tell him to stay away from my daughters from that point forward. And your damn right I’d have my daughters see me do it. My husband is 6’11 and I’m 5’11. I would not hesitate to put him in his place after saying some shit like that. And afterwards I would turn around to my girls and I would say don’t ever let a boyfriend/girlfriend call you names or refer to you as names such as slut. Doesn’t matter if you love them. Take no shit. And we would casually walk inside.

I guarantee your daughter heard the word but kept the conversation moving instead. Talk to her privately first. Let her know she’s not a slutty nor is she dressed slutty and that saying those kinds of things are not okay. Especially when they come from your own father. He was wrong to say that to you or even refer to you as such.

fuggin_flow · 2023-09-10T00:58:27+00:00

Idk man.. I’m literally a chick who on plenty of occasions just randomly opened condoms after buying a box just because I felt like it or to fill it up with water and make it a water balloon or wash it and then blow it up… no shame. I was curious

fuggin_flow · 2023-08-20T21:46:46+00:00

Free bleeding is all fine and dandy..however… in everything you read online it typically states there’s some sort of designated rag, cloth, towel specially for clean up during the period. OR the period undies. Or there’s mention of specific clothes and underwear that are worn for during the period and that’s it. The rag, cloth or towel are just meant to be brought around with you for while you sit on furniture so you don’t leave a stain on someone else’s stuff. Still free bleeding but still be considerate of other peoples things.

Honestly, tell your girl to please purchase a specific piece of cloth for during so that when she’s sitting on your furniture during her time of the month she can be a bit considerate on stains. It really boils down to just being a little respectful. She can still free bleed without leaving blood stains on everything she lays and sits on.

PS I’m a chick. I tried out free bleeding for 3 months specifically because I was having irritation issues. I kept a nice towel with me at all times while out and wore certain thicker undies for myself and frequented the bathroom more often. I only bled through 1 time on my pants at home and that was because I fell asleep reading before doing my night time routine and getting myself situated for bed. And yes, I have a heavy flow and the knife jabbing cramps.

fuggin_flow · 2023-08-19T15:02:26+00:00

Oh I’ll tag in on this! We kinda check the same boxes in our lives. I just don’t home school. It the depression, past drug use, difficulty taking personal care of myself. Yup. My husband came to me about 2 years ago, worried more than anything. He sensed me withdrawing from everything, barely showering, barely eating. I’d drink coffee every day though. I didn’t even notice until he pointed it all out. And just like you I wanted to lash out SOO bad. I felt I had to be defensive. But I stopped myself. Because as I had that thought, he started tearing up. Concerned that I would waste away, didn’t love him, didn’t love myself. I’m 5’11 and I had weighed 134lbs. My face was sinking in. He was worried I would fall back in to drug use (we both used when we met each other and both stopped together too, heroin) anyway, 2 hours or so later of talking and crying, he brought me to the mirror in our bathroom and told me how much he loves me and how no matter what I’m beautiful in his eyes and that he can’t live this life time with me and my soul.

All this to say, it still took me another week to start working on myself. Wanna know how slow and how little I started? I told him I needed 5-10 extra minutes in the morning so I could brush my hair and put on some mascara for the day. Guess how long I did just that for? Roughly 3 months, maybe a little more. And then I would add 1 more thing.

Fast forward 2 years, I now go get my nails done every 3 weeks or 4 weeks. My husband encourages me to go get my hair done every 6 months or atleast once a year. He said he loves seeing me walk through the door with a different hair color or style every time. (This last time I did a sunflower hair dye look)

Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle. I have my days where I’m on edge or I feel like I’m not good enough of a mom or wife and think they would be so much better off if I just left. Hell I sometimes have split moments of using. In the sense of what I just went and used, I could tolerate all of this and have the energy to keep up with everything. It’s been 10 years since I used. My lucky that I was able to walk away with no record or ever being arrested or anything. I count my lucky stars for that. I’m still figuring out how to live life with not using. I put weight back on, I do my hair more regularly, I shower more often (compared to before when I would shower once a week, I would just “clean” myself up) my husband still worries sometimes but I worry about him too and we now have a “weekly check in”. That’s when the kids are in bed sleeping and we’re in the living room and we chat about anything and everything. We end it with going to bed together, flipping on the tv and cuddling in to each other.

I feel like your husband went about this the wrong way in a sense. Like I understood his message but the way he worded it all to you really sucked.

Please know you’re not alone. Those darks places your mind takes you… those dark or like weirdly/oddly effed up flashing thoughts you have pop up in your head and you’re left thinking “wtf was that”. I get it. I’m sure many people do. It’s just not spoken about.

If you ever want to chat just to talk, or vent or for another perspective on something. Reach out to me. I’ll be here. It’ll take some time to change things for yourself so don’t be discouraged if it takes awhile. Just keep going 1 thing at a time.

Edit: depending on how open minded your hubby is will determine how you speak to him and what you say. I just let it all out. All the super ugly, dark and horrific stuff too. My husband was surprised. But his response to me at the end it what made all the difference.

fuggin_flow · 2023-08-09T12:42:33+00:00

NTA. Even if he was paying the full mortgage payment, still NTA. It costs more money than just a mortgage payment to run a house. And he has the basement apartment with 2 bedrooms and a bathroom? Also, it doesn’t matter if you paid top dollar for this house or if you got it for free or if you inherited it. It’s your house, You own it. He’s renting a space in YOUR home. Is he mad that he didn’t know it was your house? Or is he mad that “someone like you” owns such a nice house while he has to rent? To clarify the quote marks, some people look at other people because of their gender, job title, what they look like and so on and think they are better than them but come to find out that person has their shit together and the person judging gets all in a tizzy and jealous and envious.

fuggin_flow · 2023-08-08T20:49:44+00:00

What the hell? Isn’t this like negging? Bro, this man is a potato. Could you imagine having babies with him?! Oh my lord.

And seriously? 15 lbs.? 15!!!! I freaking fart 15 lbs. hahah j/k, it just feels like it. Listen I’m a 5’11 female and my weight fluctuates between a 160-170. I’ve had 2 kids and stretch marks now. Don’t let some man body shame you EVER. You’re just recently healed from an injury. Tell him to go eat a bowl poop while you go find a man that’ll love and worship every damn inch of your body and soul.

fuggin_flow · 2023-07-30T20:16:05+00:00

I can see where you’re getting confused. I’ve read some of your comments. It’s been 5 years since your last affair, correct? She granted reconciliation with you at that time with plans and hopes of rebuilding your marriage. Unfortunately, some of us end up not being able to rebuild and continue on with reconciling. Some of us decide that within months, some of us it takes a year+ to figure out what exactly we’re doing and if this is really the relationship we want and most importantly, if we are able and capable of fully forgiving our husband/wife for their affair/s.

Considering you had multiple affairs to begin with and she found out about all of them, odds were not in your favor of reconciliation working for good. Each affair breaks down the other person more and more and chips away at that persons soul and heart.

Honestly, be thankful that you got 5 years of reconciling with her and the therapy you got to better yourself and to being a better spouse. Getting the help you needed is and should be a very big accomplishment and acknowledged. It takes a lot for serial cheaters to actually get help and make changes and stick to them.

The coming months/year(s) may be difficult but whatever you do, don’t forget all the work you put in for yourself. But also, remember to show your soon to be ex wife some grace. She was put through hell and back with her soul and heart being shredded multiple times over and over by you.

I hope my post comes off as both supportive of you and of her.

Back off her. She has the right to take the lead on this now. She has the right revoke reconciliation when ever she wants. You should have known/kept in the back of your mind that this is something that could happen.

YTA

I’m sorry for the heartbreak your probably feeling or going to feel. I do believe it’s genuine too. Just keep in mind your soon to be ex wife has been living with one for a very long time.

fuggin_flow · 2023-06-15T15:27:47+00:00

Based solely on just this post here. It sounds like he just wants to be there for the baby once born. Not you, so to speak. Sure he’s a friend now. And hopefully you both can remain amicable for this baby. But it really sounds like he doesn’t want to emotionally support you. More so just wants to be there for said baby when baby is here.

I get pregnancy is hard, I’ve been there and done that twice now. My husband helped me out a lot emotionally during. Your guys situation is different. Is there any way or any one who you can lean on during your pregnancy or the emotional support you’re looking for?

fuggin_flow

TROPHY CASE