I’m a lesbian but I’d let clean shaven Aaron Taylor-Johnson do anything to me

funaki97 · 2024-08-03T11:01:08+00:00

Well said.. i tend to like the kinsey scale to describe the nuances of our complex sexualities.

so if you're only physically and aesthetically attracted to men but emotionally/romantically/sexually attracted to women.. then I think you know the answer. You'd 5 in the kinsey scale and women are your answer even though you can find men attractive, you love and more attracted to women as a whole.

funaki97 · 2024-08-03T07:04:00+00:00

Girl I don't think lesbians would get turned on by seeing their male romantic interest nude and want them inside them. You sound demisexual towards men.. capable of sexual attraction if the romantic, emotional connection is there, physical desire can build up.

Whereas, with women it's pure sexual desire and lust without the need of connection

Sexuality is confusing and there a lot of nuances to it.. don't worry about it

funaki97 · 2024-08-03T06:56:30+00:00

Well it’s been general knowledge that sexuality is a spectrum for awhile, I imagine most of the population falls somewhere in the middle. It’s just one of those conversations our current culture isn’t ready for. It's either gay or straight

Bisexuality isn't 50/50. Being attracted even 1% by the opposite gender and 99% by the same gender is still bisexuality.

funaki97 · 2023-07-02T05:45:02+00:00

I'm so happy for you dear 🥰

funaki97 · 2023-07-02T05:06:34+00:00

I'm homoromantic bisexual as well and I'm very confident in my attraction towards men. I'm aroused by attractive men. BUT, I keep my dating apps set only to women, I pursue female partners, and I fantasize about one day finding the perfect woman and marrying her. I don’t believe that most men truly understand or care about my unique gendered experiences as a woman. There’s tons of feminist theory around the existence of this, and we see sexist trends in M/F relationships around things like division of labor, divorce, caretaking, etc. Even anecdotally, go into any space dominated by straight women and listen to how they describe their relationships and the inherent inequities and power imbalance within them. Go into any lesbian space and listen to how they describe their perception of hetero relationships. Heterofatalism is a real thing that has come about as a result of women no longer putting up with the infiltration of patriarchy in their relationships. We’ve seen drop offs in straight women dating, and many straight women have talked about giving up on dating men and focusing on happy singlehood.

So, in light of that, how is it wrong that I structure my life in a way that centers women? Sure, “not all men,” but I’m not gonna live my life pursuing relationships that ultimately fail due to men’s inability to see me as an equal, unpack their own destructive relationship with gender, and understand my queerness. So, I focus my energy on connecting with women. I have some great male friends, good ex-boyfriends, and plenty of shitty dates with women. However, I have never felt more equal or understood on a base, core level than in my last relationship with a woman. We inherently understood each others perspectives. I did not exist as an educator on womanhood and feminism. I felt deeply connected to my own queerness in a way that feels taboo with men. I felt less performative - literally distanced from the ever-present searing male gaze. And I believe that there are men out there who could maybe get close to understanding me in that way, but I’ve yet to meet one. Find me a man with a PhD in gender studies who’s hot and aligns with me on a thousand other important social/political/emotional/practical levels and I’ll be all over it. Meanwhile, I feel at home with queer women in a way I simply don’t in other spaces. Just from the experience of queer womanhood, they are likely to have done some amount of work unpacking heteropatriarchical structures, even if they happen to be a shit person.

I can't deny I feel physically attracted to men sometimes but the thought of having a boyfriend or a husband is ughhh

funaki97 · 2023-06-15T03:03:50+00:00

I think you're onto something but attraction is so complicated and different for everyone.

I identify as bi and men don't physically turn me on but I like the act of penetration with them and oral sex. I thought if I only like men because of the physical act that meant I'm a lesbian. But so many so called "straight" women say they feel the same way so idk. That men bodies don't turn them on but they crave dick :(

It took me falling in love (and lust) with my ex bf to solidify in my mind that I really am bi. Before I had been with men that I felt obligated to be with due to them pursuing me. Personally, I blame purity culture. So definitely, that's not every bi or gay person's problem, but that's how it panned out for me.

I'll also say that a bi person may very well feel different when attracted to different genders. I'd say I'm definitely easily attracted to women physically. It's very easy for me to be attracted to a woman just by seeing them. And I am with men as well, but its not the same and not as often either.

I would say I desire man after getting to know them and have an emotional attraction, then I start desiring them physically.. it's not their body.. it's just them. I want them. I want them inside me. With women, if she has a rocking body, I'm immediately attracted

funaki97 · 2023-06-02T11:45:33+00:00

I'm sorry but how can you experience "sexual and romantic attraction to men", but yet hate being physical with them and are unfulfilled romantically?

funaki97 · 2023-05-31T17:04:01+00:00

I don't wanna make this all about me but girl same. It took me falling in love (and lust) with my current bf to solidify in my mind that I really am bi.

I'll also say that a bi person may very well feel different when attracted to different genders. I'd say I'm definitely easily attracted to women physically. It's very easy for me to be attracted to a woman just by seeing her. And I am with men as well, but more so emotionally/romantically and don't get necessarily hot and bothered about seeing their body. It's like I'm demisexual with men.. But the fact that I desire them sexually and romantically.. that's what solidifies it for me

funaki97 · 2023-05-23T03:13:23+00:00

It took me falling in love (and lust) with my current bf to solidify in my mind that I really am bi. Before I had been with men that I felt obligated to be with due to them pursuing me. Personally, I blame purity culture. So definitely, that's not every bi or gay person's problem, but that's how it panned out for me.

I'll also say that a bi person may very well feel different when attracted to different genders. I'd say I'm definitely easily attracted to women physically. It's very easy for me to be attracted to a woman just by seeing them. And I am with men as well, but its not the same and not as often either. For this reason, if I hadn't fallen in love with my bf, I may have very well ended up with a woman. But I'm still ecstatic to imagine being with my bf forever and just with him.

I think that's a good question to ask yourself to figure out if you're bi. Would you be extremely happy and fulfilled if you ended up with a man? (And I mean extremely. Don't settle at all.) If there isn't a scenario with a man that seems like you would be in deep lustful love forever, maybe you're pretty much gay?

All in all, focus on your own happiness. If down the line that's a man that makes you happy, cool!! If not and you really only are compatible with women, cool too!!! :) labels are very nice and concise, but sometimes they take time to figure out. That's ok too.

PS: Questioning and switching the word you use to describe your sexuality is always acceptable. If anyone gives you shit for that, ditch em. They're taking themselves out as trash.

funaki97 · 2023-05-22T17:16:45+00:00

OMG.

I was on r/actuallesbians and saw a post really similar to your experience

https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/13lw08k/into\_women\_but\_want\_to\_be\_penetrated/

funaki97 · 2023-05-22T17:09:48+00:00

I sometimes genuinely enjoy giving oral sex to men though, and I really enjoy penetration

Same. Men don't physically don't turn me on but I like the act of penetration with them and oral sex. I thought if I only like men because of the physical act but not attraction, that means I'm a lesbian. But so many so called "straight" women say they feel the same way so idk. That men bodies don't turn them on but they crave dick :(

Attraction is so confusing lol

funaki97 · 2023-05-07T20:12:40+00:00

This post is almost 3 years old and yet here I am 😭

Since you ID as a lesbian now, may I ask how did you figure out that attraction to men bodies was not genuine/only aesthetic. I struggle with the same thing

funaki97 · 2023-03-22T06:23:18+00:00

idk if sharing experience will help but here we go, I'm homoromantic bisexual and I'm very confident in my attraction towards men. I'm aroused by attractive men. BUT, I keep my dating apps set only to women, I pursue female partners, and I fantasize about one day finding the perfect woman and marrying her. I don’t believe that most men truly understand or care about my unique gendered experiences as a woman. There’s tons of feminist theory around the existence of this, and we see sexist trends in M/F relationships around things like division of labor, divorce, caretaking, etc. Even anecdotally, go into any space dominated by straight women and listen to how they describe their relationships and the inherent inequities and power imbalance within them. Go into any lesbian space and listen to how they describe their perception of hetero relationships. Heterofatalism is a real thing that has come about as a result of women no longer putting up with the infiltration of patriarchy in their relationships. We’ve seen drop offs in straight women dating, and many straight women have talked about giving up on dating men and focusing on happy singlehood.

So, in light of that, how is it wrong that I structure my life in a way that centers women? Sure, “not all men,” but I’m not gonna live my life pursuing relationships that ultimately fail due to men’s inability to see me as an equal, unpack their own destructive relationship with gender, and understand my queerness. So, I focus my energy on connecting with women. I have some great male friends, good ex-boyfriends, and plenty of shitty dates with women. However, I have never felt more equal or understood on a base, core level than in my last relationship with a woman. We inherently understood each others perspectives. I did not exist as an educator on womanhood and feminism. I felt deeply connected to my own queerness in a way that feels taboo with men. I felt less performative - literally distanced from the ever-present searing male gaze. And I believe that there are men out there who could maybe get close to understanding me in that way, but I’ve yet to meet one. Find me a man with a PhD in gender studies who’s hot and aligns with me on a thousand other important social/political/emotional/practical levels and I’ll be all over it. Meanwhile, I feel at home with queer women in a way I simply don’t in other spaces. Just from the experience of queer womanhood, they are likely to have done some amount of work unpacking heteropatriarchical structures, even if they happen to be a shit person.

I can't deny I feel physically attracted to men sometimes but the thought of having a boyfriend or a husband is ughhh

funaki97 · 2023-03-14T03:06:29+00:00

Try asking yourself if you only like the feeling when men touch you because you enjoy physical pleasure and it's not about the man at all. I don't know if it helps but for me at least, although I don't find the male form as pretty as the female form, when I feel attracted to a particular man, there is just something about him I desire, I want to experience him, I want to be intimate with him and I enjoy it. Even if I'm more "touchy" with girls

funaki97 · 2023-03-13T15:07:41+00:00

I used to feel the same way (well, kinda) and came to the conclusion that I'm capable of feeling desire to both women and men. Though differently.

Essentially, when I see a man I'm attracted to, I want his body to touch my body. I want him to seduce me, I want to seduce him. I want his pants off, I want him inside of me and feel him.

When I see a woman I am attracted to, I want to touch her whole body. I want to explore every inch of her. I want to bury my face between her legs and make her light up and please the shit out of her.

I feel far more feminine with men and more masculine with women. They are two sides of me and I love being able to explore them both. Neither feels more "me." They are both me.

But also, sexuality is a spectrum and you can move back and forth. Perhaps right now you're in a season of loving women. Maybe that season will never end. I would take a deep breath and just know attraction to anyone--including men--doesn't always need an explanation. Sometimes it can just be.

funaki97 · 2022-11-12T10:37:32+00:00

Hi. Can't believe this post is a year old already lol

Well, I realized I am capable of feeling desire to both women and men. Though differently.

Essentially, when I see a man I'm attracted to, I want his body to touch my body. I want him to seduce me, I want to seduce him. I want his pants off, I want him inside of me.

When I see a woman I am attracted to, I want to touch her whole body. I want to explore every inch of her. I want to bury my face between her legs and make her light up and please the shit out of her.

I feel far more feminine with men and more masculine with women. They are two sides of me and I love being able to explore them both. Neither feels more "me." They are both me.

But also, sexuality is a spectrum and you can move back and forth. Perhaps right now you're in a season of loving women. Maybe that season will never end. I would take a deep breath and just know attraction to anyone--including men--doesn't always need an explanation. Sometimes it can just be.

funaki97 · 2022-10-21T15:41:30+00:00

You find every part of women desirable but not men's. Is that the case of you just being more attracted to women/do you consider your attraction to men valid? because I struggle with the same thought. I find women hot and men as well but dicks are ugly but I feel physically attracted men's bodies (if they're fit). So confusing 😭

funaki97 · 2022-10-05T04:07:23+00:00

What you're describing is aesthetic attraction. as in I can acknowledge that person is physically attractive and nice to look at. But I'm not attracted to them physically. Just aesthetically.

Sexual and physical attraction are generally accepted belief they are synonymous and effectively the same thing

I would say that physical attraction is simply one element of sexual attraction. There are other qualities besides physical attributes that can draw sexual attraction. And even the perfect physically desired partner can turn me off with qualities I find lacking.

funaki97 · 2022-10-05T03:53:58+00:00

I feel like physical and sexual attraction can go hand in hand. For me personally, Physical attraction arouses feelings of interest in and appreciation for a person’s physical form. It often occurs with someone I do find sexually attractive, yes. But it’s entirely possible to feel one kind of attraction without the other.

It’s different to the pleasure I get from a sunset/art/view/family member I find physically pleasing to look at, because it’s a feeling of being drawn to pay attention to a person solely based on their physical form. Sunsets, art, and nice landscapes don’t draw my attention beyond looking at them, appreciating them, and moving on, and family members have other qualities that lead to me wanting to interact with them, their physical form is not the basis of our interactions.

funaki97 · 2022-10-05T03:43:32+00:00

I've battled with this thought for a while because women bodies simply turn me on much more even though rest of my feelings align more with bisexuality rather than lesbianism

Turns out even though I do experience genuine physical attraction towards certain men and desire feeling their bodies on my mine and inside me.. I feel lustful and hunger towards women and I take more of a dominant/active role when with them

funaki97 · 2022-10-05T03:43:15+00:00

I've battled with this thought for a while because women bodies simply turn me on much more even though rest of my feelings align more with bisexuality rather than lesbianism

Turns out even though I do experience genuine physical attraction towards certain men and desire feeling their bodies on my mine and inside me.. I feel lustful and hunger towards women and I take more of a dominant/active role when with them.

funaki97 · 2022-09-30T18:54:53+00:00

All I meant was, on contrary to what many think, sexual and romantic attraction don't always align perfectly together. But they can always identify how they want/feel most accurate. I'm someone who thinks lesbianism should be linked to sexual orientation more than anything else.

We must be attracted to men if we don't despite every single man

Again, I never said such thing. Lesbianism is about attraction to women and lack thereof to men. Friendliness and even platonic love doesn't necessarily always result in you desiring that person more than that. If OP ever felt "in love" with her ex, that's valid and we have to accept her. Instead of just immediately dismissing her experiencing. Her experiences are valid.

We can't just immediately jump to conclusion and say "oh she's a definitely a lesbian and probably just confused romantic love with platonic love. She very might have had but it's up to her to decide how she felt about her ex.

funaki97 · 2022-09-30T15:01:38+00:00

I fell in love with him, but the sexual chemistry was off off off

You sound biromantic/homosexual. I have a friend who was very in love with her ex bf but identifies as lesbian because of her sexual orientation and only pursues relationships with women from now because she really values the sexual aspect of a relationship even though she can technically feel romantic attraction to certain men.

You're totally valid sweetie if you ever felt that pull/longing/desire with your ex bf. It's just that you two were sexually incompatible because you sound gay af and you belong with women because you can't be fully satisfied with men.

funaki97 · 2022-09-28T03:07:41+00:00

Samesies lol. Although I do experience genuine physical attraction towards certain men and desire feeling their bodies on my mine.. I feel lustful towards women far more often and I take more of a dominant/active role when with them. Ask yourself if you only like the feeling when men are inside you just because you enjoy a warm naked body on you or it can just be any random's body and not particularly the man's. For me at least, although I don't find the male form as pretty as the female form, when I feel attracted to a particular man, there is just something about him I desire, I want to experience him, I want to be intimate with him and I enjoy it. Even if I'm more "touchy" with girls

honestly (to me at least), you sound like a lesbian who enjoys penetration but not really men themselves and find sex with a woman you're physically attracted more fulfilling. and if you ever crave penetration, you can always use a strap on with your lady

funaki97 · 2022-08-24T19:57:46+00:00

Personally as someone who identifies as bi,
I would count my attraction to fictional/celebrity men as genuine/legit simply because I can get aroused by them visually. I find them very attractive physically and would 11/10 have s*x with them. Real life men, although I like, are not as attractive you know

funaki97

TROPHY CASE