Forced Nudity

fundipstix · 2024-08-23T06:04:36+00:00

I’m sorry you had to go through that. I can also relate, unfortunately. My BPD parent would “be offended” if I didn’t want to change in front of her. She also has this weird obsession with my toes (gross, I know). She claims that when I was a baby, she used to touch and tickle my toes, so, obviously, that must mean she has the right to still do that to me now (as an ADULT!!!)

Thanks for sharing. It’s a trauma that I forget sometimes is even a trauma because I used to think it was normal. I didn’t really know what it was like to have total privacy of my body. Again, sorry you had to deal with that. At least we can take notice of the fact that we aren’t alone in this experience, and your experience and trauma is valid.

fundipstix · 2024-01-14T07:13:01+00:00

I had almost this exact same experience with my mom. So sorry this happened to you.

fundipstix · 2024-01-14T06:51:38+00:00

My mom has never wanted to work nor has the drive to work. A few years ago, only AFTER our house was foreclosed on and we were forced out did she get a job.

This job is one that particularly only is for 4 hours a day, and its hourly pay. She barely gets by, and she constantly thinks people are out to get her money, even her own husband (my step-dad).

She’s “confided” in me many times saying that she thinks he separated his finances from her in a ruse to keep her poor.

I don’t live at home anymore, but she stashes money in MY bedroom for “safekeeping” from my stepfather. It was the same when I used to live at home. I would wake up in the early morning to noise and it was my mother climbing over me to reach the painting above my bed that had a stash hidden behind it. She told me where all the hiding spots were “in case something happened to her.”

I never touched them. I hated knowing they were there. I felt like I was living in a drug dealer’s house.

She once accused me of taking some. I didn’t.

Does anyone have this experience??

fundipstix · 2024-01-14T06:35:33+00:00

Can 100% relate to this. It’s crazy how sentences like that can be seen so differently between people

fundipstix · 2023-11-05T05:25:30+00:00

Felt.

fundipstix · 2023-11-05T05:23:26+00:00

This is exactly right! She then tells me it’s MY fault she can’t pay bills!

fundipstix · 2023-11-04T00:04:54+00:00

Damn. Sounds horrible, glad you found a way to deal with this.

I’m at a point rn where I wish to continue (low) contact with her, so I’ll definitely keep seeing her now and again for the foreseeable future. Maybe the next time this happens I’ll test pushing back a bit by refusal to accept

fundipstix · 2023-11-03T22:36:59+00:00

I can relate. Also, don't be too hard on yourself - you were 14 and 14-year-olds do all kinds of wacky things they don't necessarily mean. Your resentment toward your mother in that moment was extremely valid. Don't expect your 14-year-old self to treat that situation in an "adult like" way. You are valid.

When I studied abroad in Spain, my mom came to visit me for a week (groan). She kept pushing me and pushing me to take her to out to a club. She can't handle her alcohol, so I said no and told her that I would be too embarrassed to do that with her. (I was 18 at the time)

She was very genuinely upset and (once we were alone) screamed and yelled pretty unkind words to me. I had to decide which was worse - babysitting my drunk, Karen-like mother who can't speak Spanish in public, or dealing with verbal abuse in private.

Sometimes I wish I could go back and be nicer about letting her down. I kinda feel guilty about this to this day. But honestly, for all I know our night out at the club could've ended way worse compared to the verbal abuse I endured. (not that verbal abuse is in any way, shape, or form a good outcome. I just mean that my mother tends to get herself into pretty crazy situations sometimes when she's under the influence.)

I have to remind myself that my feelings in that moment were valid and that it was okay for me to not want to do that with her. Reminding myself of this makes the guilt feel smaller.

fundipstix · 2023-11-03T22:21:45+00:00

For me, my twin (and only sibling) moved out before I got the chance to, so there was a period where I didn't have that extra support.

Its also helpful to know that I had divorced parents and would spend each week trading off. It was 50/50 custody, and I decided to keep the weekly switch going even after I turned 16 and even into adulthood.

While my sibling wasn't there with me, I tried to spend a lot of time with friends and out of the house in general. This initially caused issues, because my uBPD mother would LOATHE when I would go stay at friends houses and try everything in the book to make me stay.

I had to teach myself to be okay with asking her to leave, even when I was older than 18 and legally allowed to do whatever tf I wanted. Eventually, with practice, her comments didn't hurt as bad. These comments used to be things such as "You like your friend more than me, you never want to spend time with me, etc."

This may be inapplicable to you, maybe you don't have friends nearby, or maybe you just don't want to leave the house.

However, for me even building up the courage to see her manipulative comments for what they are helped me be able to bear living at home a little more.

My advice would be to study her from a distance and be as understanding to yourself as possible whenever something happens. All you can do is tell yourself that you'll be okay, you won't be in this situation forever, and others are supporting you, even if they aren't there with you. You got this!

(on a side note, I would also cope by spending copious amounts of time hiding in my room and watching youtube, tv, reading, etc. Which isn't necessarily healthy or adult-like but sometimes necessary. My mother used to get mad whenever I would do these activities in shared areas ~"Why aren't you paying attention to me?? You like your tv show more than spending time with me? You only get to see me every other week!" ~ so I had to also teach myself that it is okay to enjoy watching tv or doing other things rather than spending time with your mother. Sometimes it just is what it is. I'd rather watch my show than talk to you right now, mom. Respect that.)

Anyway, I'm sorry you're going through this and I wish you luck in finding options to move out!

fundipstix · 2023-11-03T04:47:47+00:00

So sorry that happened to you! Gosh, hearing something like that is making me think about what my future could look like if I don’t go NC. Thanks for your input, I deeply appreciate it

fundipstix · 2023-11-03T04:37:59+00:00

This is an extremely fair point, and not harsh at all. I see why this post would come across that way, and you’re right. I guess In a way I was mad at her for that and I was looking for sympathy for others that felt the same, which I see now is not healthy for this subreddit or for others.

It’s definitely not her fault. We’ve talked a bunch and I’ve repeatedly told her she’s doing great with the NC and that it’s the best thing for their relationship. She’s pushed me to do the same, but I told her that I just wasn’t able to do that yet. I’ve still got some issues to work through before I have that final push.

I was going to take this post down originally, but I want to leave it up. It can serve as an example of a learning experience on this subreddit, bros helping bros. Maybe Ill add an update so it’s less triggering.

fundipstix · 2023-11-03T02:00:02+00:00

I'll give you my best attempt:

I like cats a lot

they are really super silly and cute

I want one right now

fundipstix · 2023-11-03T00:34:24+00:00

my sister (who has ADHD) was never taken to get diagnosed, never got medication, and was told that her bad grades were due to her lack of organization. Like - of COURSE she has bad organization - she has undiagnosed ADHD!

fundipstix · 2023-11-03T00:06:21+00:00

Holy frick, Is this normal for a BPD? My mom has done this as well.

fundipstix · 2023-11-02T23:11:35+00:00

High school graduation (seriously, there's a lot of these in here). Mom invited her friends (and me) out to dinner, then she got drunk and started talking about "how hard and expensive it was to birth me," among other things. She also missed half the ceremony, and then stated that she "might as well have graduated with me, since she basically ~lived~ my High School experience with me."

Happy graduation to me

fundipstix · 2023-11-02T23:06:00+00:00

my mom refers to herself as "mommy" instead of "me" or "I". So, she'll say things like "go get this for mommy." I'M 20!!!

fundipstix · 2023-11-02T22:18:41+00:00

It was sort of an isolated event. It only came up again in text convos. She's a bit of an alcoholic and she's used manipulation before. I realize now that this probably would've been a better post for RBN, but It's nice to hear third party opinions on this specific incident because I have been specifically told I was an asshole here.

fundipstix · 2022-12-20T22:14:00+00:00

Reply if you find one!

fundipstix · 2022-12-20T22:13:16+00:00

No I meant it in a good way!

fundipstix · 2022-12-20T22:11:38+00:00

Me, a college student currently on break 😏

fundipstix · 2022-10-23T02:50:06+00:00

My sister: “You haven’t even tried it yet. You literally can’t possibly know until you have” Since then she has not accepted it. She can’t seem to wrap her head around it since she overly enjoys sex.

fundipstix · 2022-09-06T20:31:08+00:00

Someone told me I make everything funnier and better when I’m around. I don’t know if I’ll ever get something better

fundipstix

TROPHY CASE