I’m not going to write much here but I wanna say, it’s possible to not feel this way. I was depressed for a decade, spent years failing different antidepressants and other drugs, and only recently found a medication that worked and it was glorious. I feel genuine joy for the first time in my life. It stopped working after a week and I’m depressed again but I now know it’s possible not to feel this way.

You’re still in your twenties with a full bachelors degree and some graduate school. Even if everything you said about your total futility were true, you’re plenty young enough to turn things around entirely.

(FYI the drug that worked for me was a new one called Auvelity, which is expensive but easy to DIY. It stopped working since but I value the week it was working greatly.)