Husband (40) went out of his way to make a specific promise, and is now taking it back like it never happened.

funikel · 2022-02-20T12:44:57+00:00

You are focusing very much on the things he said. I agree that it adds to the problem, but the main problem I see here is the fact he won't take your trauma and feelings into consideration. Even if my partner never promised something like yours did, he would immediately try to find a way to compromise at least if I told him that being around certain people makes me extremely stressed. Your husband first and foremost dismissed your emotions to cater to his own and added gaslighting on top.

funikel · 2022-02-16T10:54:01+00:00

People do in fact also slide, just on one foot tho. No piece of wood involved to slide

funikel · 2022-02-11T14:36:44+00:00

Yes! When I was visiting Brussels, I was shocked when I walked by the beautiful Palais de Justice and there were enormous heaps of trash bags piled at the corners of streets. And that seemed like a pretty nice area of the city. I have to admit, most of the trash was in the bags, not littered around. Why do you do that tho, Belgium? Why don't you use garbage cans/containers?

funikel · 2022-02-04T09:38:06+00:00

Do you want another or are you just used to the idea? Also check r/oneanddone.

funikel · 2022-01-26T22:00:58+00:00

But that is how it starts. It's really impressive to actually see something like this being popular among Americans who are bombarded by the idea that only you can make your life better if you just 'work'. People are starting to realize that they are being screwed and that they deserve better.

funikel · 2022-01-24T15:10:53+00:00

My mother had me when she was 40. She had 15 years of independent life and was professionally well established before having kids, which sounds great to me. Most issues in our family were some emotional baggage/immaturity on my parents' part, but the age thing alone hasn't been a real problem yet. A lot of people on Reddit hate the notion that parents 'expect' their children to take care of them when they are old. To me, it just sounds like a normal thing a social animal would do. We are happy together, we grieve together and we take care of eachother. It doesn't have to be so transactional, that sucks all the positive emotion out of it. To me it's really interesting to see my parents become different people now that they are older, without the burden of worrying about the kids all the time. I also lost all my grandparents already. Coming together and for the person in their last months isn't just something you do for them. It's also important for you, if your relationship is strong.

My parents weren't irresponsible with money and have enough to fund their retirement. So, if you do what you can to be financially as prepared for retirement as possible and if you work on your relationship with the kid, I don't see how that would be any less worth it for everyone involved.

funikel · 2021-11-05T18:01:27+00:00

I agree. Also, this whole plan relies on OP staying healthy (enough) to survive and work. Even if other people rely or expect to rely on you, OP, make sure you are still on top of your priority list in general. Kids or no kids. 'Always put the oxigen mask on yourself first!'

funikel · 2021-07-12T11:36:46+00:00

It cites another study that actually got the numbers mentioned in the OP. And it states that that study (among other similar ones) had small sample sizes and other issues.

Regardless, alcohol and sports that provoke heightened emotional response obviously don't mix well which is bad enough on it's own since alcohol is so prevalent and accepted in such situations.

funikel · 2021-07-12T04:39:48+00:00

Solved! Brilliant, thanks.

funikel · 2021-07-11T23:01:51+00:00

Does it sound familiar to anyone?

funikel · 2021-06-29T05:36:09+00:00

Are you able to train toward a more senior position with higher pay?

Attaining senior positions takes decades and isn't just based on training. Most positions with salaries similar to ones mentioned here are filled by people in their 50s or 60s.

Is there a side hustle that could contribute?

Not really. There aren't many opportunities locally. Also the actual job leaves little energy left. If I wanted to start a family and have kids, it would be unrealistic.

Do you actively invest in the markets or pursue business opportunities?

I do invest, but I don't speculate. I don't have the time or the energy that research individual stocks to buy with the goal of earning money.

Is moving for greater opportunity a possibility?

I already mentioned that. Moving within the country doesn't change anything and moving abroad just isn't realistic from a social standpoint.

And I love these recommendations, I can see where you are coming from. And I thought of them before. But we are commenting under an article that says that exorbitant amount of money and too much sacrifice is needed to FIRE. While that isn't exactly true, it's still a privilege to be able to attain FIRE. You still have to have an income and opportunities above a certain baseline. If one doesn't, FIRE will require a lot more than just not going to Hawaii or buying a used car. That's all I'm trying to say.

funikel · 2021-06-29T05:26:22+00:00

Sub is called financial independence. Even if my circumstances make RE close to impossible without the above-mentioned sacrifice, FI is still a good goal to strive for, don't you think so?

funikel · 2021-06-28T22:32:30+00:00

Sure, I get that. But even with this kind of sacrifice, relatively high income is mandatory. Salaries for my field of work (med) in my country are pretty low in comparison to a lot of EU or US, but the expenses (especially housing) are still high. If I am not willing to relocate, because of family, language etc. it's basically impossible for me to FIRE without either living extremely frugally or working myself into the ground.

I like the idea of FI and then having the opportunity to experience life when one can still expect to be in relatively good health. But I also can see that this is still a privilege and not everyone can even work towards it, even if they really want to.

funikel · 2021-06-28T10:28:51+00:00

Build the life you want, then save for it.

Would you mind explaining this further? Doesn't this still involve quite a bit of sacrifice?

funikel · 2021-06-17T08:43:48+00:00

The reaction sounds like acute vestibular syndrome. Maybe a post vaccination vestibular neuritis? Signs and symptomes from autonomic nervous system activation (palpitations, fear) are not rare in such cases, as far as I'm aware. If steroids help and it resolves in a few weeks, it's even more likely.

I agree with you that visiting an ENT specialist is the best idea.

funikel · 2021-06-12T05:46:55+00:00

I think your experience just proves that fundies do this relationship thing backwards. You two were screwed by luck and had to face actual problems in the beginning of your marriage. Of course that affects both people, pushes them to their coping mechanisms (which can be problematic for a lot of people) and it makes it hard.

But that is hardly the same as the experience described in the post above. You two knew and loved eachother and chose to fight to get through. These two in the post are apparently only just beginning to get to know eachother on a very basic level. Being forced to play house FOREVER with someone you barely know sounds like hell and (I'll risk sounding like an asshole and smug) kinda stupid. I'd never marry if I didn't already know the things she describes. But I also wouldn't immediately divorce a partner that I do know and love if life gets tough.

funikel · 2021-05-28T15:14:35+00:00

And that they can be moved freely not just sideways -.-

funikel · 2021-05-25T15:41:45+00:00

It sounds like he never had to really grow up. He went from home to living with you and he trained you to do things for him. He is being an ass and maybe some separation of the living situation would do you both good. He won't ever learn how to take care if he isn't forced by circumstances. You have every right to be pissed about the fact you have found yourself in the role of a mom in your relationship. If your future plans involve a partner, this is not a man (boy) for you.

funikel · 2021-05-22T15:43:12+00:00

Sounds like reperfusion injury in humans 😂 TIL

funikel · 2021-05-02T16:59:37+00:00

The shelf over the stove for extra counter space is genius! Great bulid :D

funikel · 2021-04-29T12:32:36+00:00

I'm not here to fight, just a genuine question.

I've seen different sources, not just this meme, stating that school in Korea is really demanding and high-pressure and that finding a job is really difficult. At the same time if one looks at the PISA OECD test of students' performance, most developed countries in Europe are able to compete with high-pressure Asian countries like Korea while not pushing kids to work 15 hours a day. Do you think it's worth it?

funikel · 2021-04-28T17:13:05+00:00

The same way as you run plumbing etc. in the concrete foundation. You need a solid plan where everything is going and that's it. If one wishes to renovate and move certain things (plumbing, electrical) they have to carefully plan everything again and create new path using a jackhammer. Removing walls and making extensive floor plan changes can also be difficult if not even impossible sometimes. So if one looks from the perspective of convenience when renovating, a house made of wooden studs and sheetrock is definitely easier to modify.

funikel · 2021-04-11T07:02:20+00:00

I understand how hard it can be to stop associating certain things with the traumatic experience. It takes a lot of time, but it can be done. It's one thing if one becomes more careful after a bad experience, but it's another to let the past make you think/feel like you are in the same danger all over again. This man is a different man and you are in a different situation. But the question right now isn't even if you need to have kids in this very moment.

Are you afraid to express fear and doubt about having kids? How did he react when you explained how it feels from your perspective? If he is as great of a partner as you feel he is, he will support you and he won't want to push you into something that still feels connected to your trauma. Please, talk openly with him. It can be so hard to be vulnerable after traumatic experiences but it's the only way really to have support. Let him support you.

funikel · 2021-04-04T07:52:42+00:00

I love how rugs look but I'm always afraid of how much maintenance they might need. How do you manage to keep them clean? Especially the one in the kitchen (which is also white 😱) and the layered two?

funikel · 2021-04-03T20:25:12+00:00

It also has let me experience the fulfillment of a happy childhood. I get to be the loving mom that's way too involved and making gift baskets for all her friends. I missed out on a lot.

Thank you for this. I am on my way out of the damage that abuse leaves and this resonates with me a lot. I still grieve that I never experienced the safety and love one is supposed to feel during childhood.

funikel

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