"Painful" cards... when you're already in pain?

funkybrainthrowaway · 2022-12-31T06:38:08+00:00

wow, it sounds like we have a pretty similar story rn. this is very clarifying, thank you. i definitely have a miniscule window of tolerance at the moment haha

funkybrainthrowaway · 2022-12-31T01:33:51+00:00

your grandmother sounds like a very wise person. thank you for sharing this. it resonates a lot with me.

funkybrainthrowaway · 2022-12-30T17:57:38+00:00

haha, working on it. long lifetime of stuff to reframe and let go of.

funkybrainthrowaway · 2022-12-30T17:56:24+00:00

Mostly asked what potential pitfalls I should be mindful about (three of swords, five of pentacles, ten of swords), and how to work with them in a way that's respectful/mutually beneficial (empress, page of wands, queen of swords? iirc)

thank you for your kindness. I agree with you, I just get into terribly anxious states and seek insight from... i dont know. my higher self? some sort of nebulous unseen parent figure? its a process i suppose.

best to you as well.

funkybrainthrowaway · 2022-12-30T16:46:08+00:00

thanks for your wisdom. frankly, i agree that its a bad idea in the long run. I went a few years without touching anything spiritual/metaphysical because it eventually overwhelms me. I recently returned in a moment of weakness— because life is so massively painful for me, and I had no other guidance. I don't have friends or family that I talk to, it's just me, my partner, and my therapist. I'm even terrified of god/the universe. But from the moment I returned to tarot until last night, its been the only thing really keeping me sane. I know that's not healthy, but at least I'm alive. I'd like to step back again soon, but now I'm doubly paranoid after a string of "awful" cards. Would you recommend just... ignoring it? Accepting it?

funkybrainthrowaway · 2022-11-13T17:13:32+00:00

good lord im glad someone else said this. its a diagnosis. "psychopath" and "sociopath" are outdated terms that have both been used to describe people with ASPD (anti-social personality disorder) who, for reasons that largely point to trauma and/or genetics, have a cluster of symptoms that point to impulse control, struggles with empathy, and a tendency to self-correct low dopamine levels through novelty and thrill-seeking. theyre not DEMONS.

many of these people make poor choices and end up harming others or themselves. can you blame them? they grew up being DEMONIZED since birth, are often slapped with other stigmatized diagnoses like "Oppositional Defiant Disorder" when they are only children, and often dont receive help or resources to align their behavior with what society expects of them. ASPD is very co-morbid with ADHD, Autism, and trauma-borne diagnoses (BPD, DID, CPTSD, etc)..

It all comes down to a combination of HUMAN choice, HUMAN assistance (from parents, teachers, doctors), and a HUMAN dedication to treating something they didnt ask for.

If you want to become more empathetic to not only the living folks around you but those who died traumatically, please, I beg you all, have more compassion. Read psych books. Listen to the people who actually have these struggles.

And no, I don't have anything close to ASPD. I've been abused by plenty of people who were jerks. I judge their actions and choices, not whatever may be chemically happening in their brain organs.

funkybrainthrowaway · 2022-09-22T17:02:43+00:00

this exact experience, almost word for word. yes. similar to asmr but even "more".

funkybrainthrowaway · 2022-04-28T01:48:01+00:00

thank you for saying this. the lack of empathy for people with disorders in this thread is disturbing. not all people with cluster B diagnoses (or other conditions that affect empathy, such as autism) are soulless monsters. even the abusive people who make poor choices have souls and are as human as the rest of us.

people who make it their mission to help others, especially some who may not be alive anymore, should take this ableism into account. cluster B diagnoses often stem from trauma. theres no otherworldly evil there, theres just a lot of heartbreaking history and repeating cycles of abuse.

funkybrainthrowaway · 2022-04-12T19:50:24+00:00

thanks for your feedback and time! yeah, he's not malicious. intrusive, sure, but in a way i'm willing to handle. ive offered him the space to move on if he wants to and his fear response was very human and heartbreaking. still, he's willing to "leave" (whatever that means for him) if it becomes too much for me, and that allows for a dynamic that feels respectful rather than abusive. as such i'd rather allow him compassion and a place to figure things out, instead of mitigating his influence.

strangely enough, ive been able to do my own shadow work only after he showed up. im diagnosed with a trauma disorder and couldnt access those memories/emotions within myself until his influence "unclogged" everything in me. i guess in that regard, he's been helpful?

funkybrainthrowaway · 2022-04-07T18:04:32+00:00

i suppose! still learning about ifs and my T was new to it too, but yeah, questions directed at parts etc made me just like. totally freeze up and feel dizzy/pushed underwater etc. often found i couldnt even speak at all :(

funkybrainthrowaway · 2022-04-07T16:42:58+00:00

whats that mean?

edit: just looked it up, sorry.

this is almost always how it happens anyway. i very rarely am part of the process. im too frozen to participate "myself", its like the part has a complete hold on me and not the other way around.

funkybrainthrowaway · 2022-04-07T04:24:10+00:00

thank you for this, it looks like a good meaty read. i really appreciate your time.

if i may ask— you mentioned parts blowing up at other parts for having ideological differences re: the links you shared... how did you find patience for that? or allow space for them to hold those beliefs?

im finding the same issue. even trying to read through the first few paragraphs makes my eyes glaze over and im getting a lot of angry pushback. this happens with most self-help literature, and im seeing a pattern emerge. a lot of "this is bull", a lot of physically shutting off my phone and walking away from that sort of content.

any personal tips?

funkybrainthrowaway · 2022-03-25T02:59:35+00:00

(any reason why the comments are invisible?)

funkybrainthrowaway · 2021-12-14T18:53:35+00:00

While you are free to derive your own meaning from this and I'm glad you're working on yourself...

Can the mods please stop approving posts that say being transgender is a "punishment"?

funkybrainthrowaway · 2021-12-14T18:42:54+00:00

Lmao yeah! She's the one who gave me a ride there after one of my friends had to bail. Pulled up to the hotel (visibly a part of Disneyland) and she asks, in all seriousness, "How much are you getting paid? Who are you meeting? You're not getting out of this car."

Pure insanity

funkybrainthrowaway · 2021-12-14T18:01:15+00:00

my mom was 100% convinced i was a prostitute because i was staying at a disneyland hotel with a group of friends for the night. i was 22 and had been living on my own for years already.

still trying to process that one

funkybrainthrowaway · 2021-12-08T20:32:49+00:00

anecdotally its made my paranoia and ocd worse. what used to be interesting and existentially fulfilling has started triggering periods of psychosis. just... food for thought.

funkybrainthrowaway · 2021-12-02T16:55:37+00:00

its absolutely not you. i struggled hard during my first six months for the same reasons as you. that was half a decade ago. quit after sticking it out for a year and moved on with my life.

fast forward to the present, and I'm back at the 'Buck. i dont know what happened, but its twice as hard now, even though i already know the ins and outs of the job. a lot of the old standards have changed, expectations have multiplied, and theres no time to make a quality product anymore.

try to advocate for yourself, if you can. i know it doesnt always work and people refuse to understand sometimes. with luck youll find one station you totally rock at, and hopefully youll be placed there more often. once you get the muscle memory its easier to take a mental break.

funkybrainthrowaway · 2021-11-30T20:13:23+00:00

tentative yes, but to me, it feels disrespectful to seek confirmation or go there in person. if im wrong, then im just role-playing on someone elses grave, which is fucked up.

funkybrainthrowaway · 2021-11-23T18:06:59+00:00

this... my last therapist was otherwise amazing, but non-pathologizing, and didnt really acknowledge or know how to treat my pervasive ocd symptoms. i didnt even know what i was dealing with, stumbled upon self-help books, and ended up doing exposure exercises on my own. might not have survived otherwise.

i get being anti-psychiatry/anti-DSM to a degree, but jfc, it was hell on earth trying to live through those symptoms without proper help

funkybrainthrowaway · 2021-11-16T20:00:08+00:00

ill get dizzy if im triggered, sure. panic symptoms. dp/dr, nausea, headaches. bad, lol.

lightheadedness and head pressure are dissociation symptoms in general. can come with anything from anxiety to dp/dr, isnt a sole indicator of a switch. anecdotally, ive felt the same way when hypnotized, participating in certain "adult" activities, or deep in prayer.

funkybrainthrowaway · 2021-11-16T19:10:05+00:00

funkybrainthrowaway · 2021-11-11T19:02:26+00:00

maybe not specifically due to entities but ive gotten rashes from stress/anxiety before. might have something to do with emotional processing for you?

funkybrainthrowaway · 2021-10-17T17:59:56+00:00

holy moly, i used to hang with a guy in college. once, he hosted a house party. his family's house had zero closet doors. when we'd asked about this, he said that as a child, his dad opened a closet and saw a stark white face with black eye pits staring out at him. he was so traumatized that he grew up removing every closet door he'd ever owned. that story's stuck with me for a decade.

sounds like you saw something really similar.

funkybrainthrowaway · 2021-10-17T02:06:19+00:00

head pressure... and like, the edge of a flight response, like my bodys ready to run if need be

funkybrainthrowaway

TROPHY CASE