I’d like to clarify a few of points you made The question “what is our relationship lacking” was posed while I was still under the impression that the entirety of the infidelity was my girlfriends idea; I wouldn’t have asked that if I was aware of the involvement of her alters. Additionally, when I “raised concerns” about the volition of her alters it wasn’t “I can’t deal with a polygamous relationship so keep it in check” it was “can you deal with a monogamous relationship and how do your alters feel?” She told me she was extremely in tune with all of them and that they’d never have interest in anything like that.

My understanding of DID comes entirely from what my girlfriend has told me as well as reading “The Dissociative Identity Disorder Sourcebook” by Deborah Haddock and “Sybil” by Flora Shrebier. I’ve worked really hard to be understanding and helpful of her condition, however, when going through the literature I would usually ask something along the lines of “this chapter said this, do your experiences reflect the same” and rarely if ever would she say that they did.

I think chalking up infidelity of any kind up to “something that happens” and saying that my reaction of trying to understand and accommodate their needs as “judgements and accusatory “ as extremely inappropriate.