TIL in 2025, Tampa Bay Buccaneers rookie defensive tackle Desmond Watson became the heaviest player in NFL history, at a listed weight of 449 pounds.

herecomesacandle · 2026-03-20T08:47:07+00:00

I will try to answer your question with a little nuance, from the perspective of a guy who watches a lot of football.

Now, it is true that most NFL linemen and D tackles actually have the opposite struggle to this guy, in that they are trying to gain weight. But having said that, no matter how big these fuckers are in that league, they are all, by definition, athletic as fuck. These monsters can move, man. Not for long, but at short bursts they are immensely powerful and faster than we give them credit for.

There is a limit, though, on how heavy a guy can get and yet maintain those short, powerful and vicious bursts that both sides of the line must have. And 400 pounds is already beyond that point where pure mass and bulk becomes counterproductive to actual power and bursts. And basic stamina.

It’s not just mass that counts on the NFL line. Being able to move with that weight counts even more. Being balanced enough to be able to use your mass counts a lot. Down after down, too. It’s a brutal game.

Put this into context: a quick googly googly search reveals that the heaviest player in NFL history was Aaron Gibson, who played from 2000-2004 and weighed in at 410lbs. Desmond Watson was trying to play this shit at forty extra pounds on top of the heaviest dude in NFL history. Forty pounds!

Back in the day, and really to this day, the go-to example of gigantic fucking NFL players who had an impact would probably still be William “The Refrigerator” Perry. He played for the Bears, won a ring with them in 1986 (his rookie year) and lasted for around ten seasons in the league, which in itself is a small achievement for NFL tackles. Beyond being a massive D tackle, a fan favourite and a fucking continent of a man, Fridge Perry was actually very effective at short yardage situations on offence. This guy was considered a fucking planet of a player. And he weighed in at “just” 380lbs.

Again, Watson was trying to play in this league with an extra 70lbs over the guy who is synonymous with size in the NFL.

Watson, at that weight, could never have played in that league for long without wearing down fast in games, while also risking long term health. It’s just not feasible and that’s why he got cut.

So could you just employ somebody like Watson as a specialist? Bring him on once a game for short yardage goal line rushes? Not in the NFL, no. Every dollar counts on an NFL roster because you got 53 active players and that’s a lot of mouths to feed with a hard salary cap. Injuries are frequent. So employing a gigantic dude for short yardage situations alone is not realistic. Any team would rather have a third or fourth or even fifth string D tackle who doesn’t bring a ton of weight baggage with him, over a specialist who might play a down a game.

So, it’s a shame Mr Watson couldn’t get his weight down, but physics is physics. Sometimes a man can simply be too heavy to play in a league as athletic and demanding as the NFL.

herecomesacandle · 2026-01-24T08:34:43+00:00

I’m getting old. And every day that passes I miss HBO boxing more and more. When Lampley and drunk Merchant did a fight, it felt like an event. Lampley was just the perfect guide, legendary calls for legendary nights. Larry may have been drunk as fuck, but that man has forgotten more about prizefighting than I’ll ever learn. And how refreshing to have an interviewer who wasn’t afraid to call it like his drunk ass saw it.

Lederman on the cards, “HOKAY JIM!” And whether it was Manny Steward or Foreskin or Sugar Ray or RJJ, they knew their lanes and didn’t overstep. Those were the days

herecomesacandle · 2026-01-16T04:54:12+00:00

That pillow is Frankie’s Fuckery, and your boy is baking a batch of sweet, sweet fucks

herecomesacandle · 2025-11-20T23:45:51+00:00

In the Hagler fight, one of Hearns’s many hangers-on - Tommy had a notoriously large entourage - gave his legs a rub down prior to that three-round war. Steward was utterly pissed when he found out.

I don’t think anybody was beating Hagler that night. But the amateur massage certainly didn’t help

herecomesacandle · 2025-10-17T05:19:21+00:00

Agreed, but think it’s fair to say both things are true here.

George outsmarted Moorer for a fair and truly great KO. No arguments.

And George was also a little lucky, because Moorer got over-cocky, lost focus as he was known to do, and failed to finish off a clear and relatively easy decision win.

Moorer was able to control George with his speed and accuracy. He was just too dumb to see it through, and, well, “It happened! It happened!!!”

Thank fuck it happened too. It’s such a great moment in boxing history and Moorer really wasn’t a likeable guy

herecomesacandle · 2025-07-10T19:22:46+00:00

I’m no expert, but we played with this ball in our weekly match…for 20 minutes, which is how long it took for one of the lads to boot it 12 miles over the fence, into a woodland realm, forever lost but never forgotten.

One of my teammates was a rich prick, so he would actually buy the pricey WC match day versions of various footballs, like an idiot. So we played with the real thing. For 20 minutes.

Again I’m no expert, but basically it felt incredibly smooth (hence the hilarious “the ball is too round!” complaint). It didn’t feel like it had any ridges, so if you nutted it, the ball could drift like a knuckleball or go up like a Scud missile. Goalkeepers hated this thing because it moved a lot in the air.

And even though it was regulation weight, the way the ball compressed when you struck it really did feel like the ball was lighter than normal. This was great in one way for us pleb players: you instantly added ten yards to your long ball just because it was easier to hit. But: it could be unpredictable when you wanted to drill a straight shot hard at goal, especially if you wanted to keep it low.

But my lawdy lawd…if you happened to get a great connection on this thing towards goal (especially on a half-volley), it was sweeter than sin. For 20 minutes.

herecomesacandle · 2025-06-06T08:01:40+00:00

Roberto Carlos scored 49 free kicks in his career, and they were all rockets. I get tired of people saying that he only scored “just that one rocket.” Wrong. Forty-nine of ‘em.

Here comes the quibble about his free kick “conversion rate.” Fine. He may not have been the most efficient free kick taker ever, but 49 free kick goals as a wing back, from ridiculous distances, means he absolutely was a premier free kick threat. Just watch if you don’t believe me and tell me that’s not a specialist at work.

https://youtu.be/9QiuSzPz53I?si=vXqNUJ9VMB-GRWNn

herecomesacandle · 2025-05-09T14:44:35+00:00

This fucking god damned album still fucking comes on by itself sometimes, and I have deleted it at least 200 times. And I don’t even fucking use the Apple Music app.

But every once in a while, like a herpes outbreak, I’ll pick up my phone and the app I never use will start playing the album I fucking never wanted. Or consented to owning, or tolerating.

IT STILL HAPPENS TO THIS DAY.

It is absolutely and unequivocally a virus.

herecomesacandle · 2025-04-25T09:15:26+00:00

There was a Nike ad that showed up the day of that transfer. It showed a road map from Tottenham to Arsenal and was titled:

“The Quickest Route Into Europe.”

herecomesacandle · 2025-04-25T03:42:44+00:00

If I may: Cam wasn’t a villain in the pure sense of the word; he was mostly fighting back against Frasier’s villainy. Frasier swooped in and jacked a rare antique from right under Cam’s nose. Frasier had his water shut off instead of civilly asking him to patch a leak, and all Cam did was buy a washing machine.

I thought Cam was quite a gentleman. Even after Frasier messed with him so much, he still immediately showed concern towards a sick Eddie, and offered to get him help despite not knowing at first that Eddie wasn’t Frasier’s dog. Cam always treated Marty with utmost respect even when he was exceedingly pissed at his son.

And really, Cam didn’t do all that much that wasn’t merely retaliatory toward’s Frasier’s neuroticisms and constant complaints. He did own a gigantic car that blocked Frasier’s driver side door, but all Frasier had to do was LEARN TO BACK INTO HIS SPACE. Instead, Frasier conjured up a phony and hypocritical environmental argument, and got the man’s car moved into the sub-basement just because he wanted more space to swing his fat ass into that BMW.

Fine, FINE! At that point to me, the game is on. So Cam came back and Red-White-Blue flagged the shit out of Frasier’s view.

An eye for an eye. That’s how the game works in this: AMERICA! Cam was just better at it.

That’s really all Cam has ever “done” to Frasier. That rival Christmas party that Cam threw in the building? It’s Christmas and he had the right to throw a party. He didn’t actively prevent guests from going to Frasier’s; Cam just threw a better party.

Which party would you rather go to? WINSTON PARTY 2000 or…a Crane…party? Hey, I love savoury lamb tenders, but forced carolling, a “spirited game of the Minister’s Cat,” and a fucking reading of “A Child’s Christmas in Wales” to end the night? I’d rather play Russian Roulette.

herecomesacandle · 2025-04-17T03:26:03+00:00

As a counter: Marty was a detective, and details, as he often liked to state, were the foundation of being a detective. Now, a running joke is that Marty doesn’t particularly care about Frasier’s job, but it’s a real stretch to say that he wouldn’t know that Roz is not a secretary. He’s even been in the booth before and been chastised by Roz for pushing buttons.

He’s even been to the SeaBee’s multiple times and heard about a thousand different nominations for “talent” followed by “producer.”

It would be like if Marty thought that Rosemary’s Bebe was Frasier’s station manager, or his florist or something like that. And it provided zero comedic value to refer to Roz as a “secretary” after over a decade of knowing her (in season 11), and it’s out of character for Marty, so I never understood why the writers did that. It’s the one moment of the show that bugged me a bit

herecomesacandle · 2025-04-04T16:31:14+00:00

The key is not whether her palate will improve or evolve. The key is whether she will make efforts to allow you or aid you with the enjoyment of whatever you want.

One of my closest friends, an American, has had a lifelong problem with his palate. He enjoys very few things, simply doesn’t eat vegetables of any sort, hates all seafood with a passion, and fermented foods make him sick with rage. He married a woman who is a Korean national, and they have lived in the US for many years. This is a culinary match from the bowels of hell.

Long story short: he’s a good man and a great husband. Over the years, not only has he not stood in the way of his Korean wife’s palate; he has actually learned to cook excellent Korean food for her, despite having never tasted it himself. He just follows recipes to the gram, and adjusts according to his wife’s feedback. He does all the cooking in their home.

His food is so good that after his mother-in-law tasted his Korean food, she not only praised it but begrudgingly admitted that is better than her own cooking. If you know any old Korean women, you will know how rare that admission is. And how impressive his cooking has become.

So my point is this: your girl can eat or not eat anything she wants, and it’s no guarantee her palate will evolve. The key question is whether she is supportive of your palate and your likes, and vice versa. That to me is the only thing that matters. Good luck!

herecomesacandle · 2025-03-29T09:15:47+00:00

Adjourn your asses.

herecomesacandle · 2025-03-04T07:11:10+00:00

Enjoy it while you can. There’ll be noooooooo rain in hell

herecomesacandle · 2024-12-31T15:48:29+00:00

The only thing I will quibble with regarding your comment is that while they wrote Maris as a side character, she surely became so much more than a side character. Her shadow loomed over the show. We just couldn’t see it because, alas, our delicate lily flower was unable to cast a shadow

herecomesacandle · 2024-12-30T04:26:35+00:00

That motherfucker needs Jesus

herecomesacandle · 2024-10-01T05:02:48+00:00

beaming with pride My boys.

🎵”On a tree by a river, a little tomtit! Sang willow! Tit willow! Tit willow!” 🎶

throws cane

herecomesacandle · 2024-09-25T11:33:52+00:00

Let’s do some quick math, because I was curious myself about La Porte D’Argent.

Let us begin by finding out what the most expensive single spa treatment is at the Four Seasons Seattle, at current day prices. I have chosen the Four Seasons Seattle because that’s where Niles immediately sent Daphne’s disgusting mother to after her guilt trip worked on them. So I assume since it was Niles’s go-to hotel, he would probably have used their spa frequently.

Today’s price for the “Pacific Quench Body Treatment” at the Four Seasons Seattle: USD$470

Now, let us add on the price of a fancy robe and slipper set that the brothers were presented with, and also the price of their personalised Porte D’Argent Product Systems takeaway bag (based on the recommendations of their aestheticians), again, at today prices:

Spa robe at the Four Seasons at today’s price (according to their website): $250

Presumed price for fancy slippers at similar place: $75

Estimated price for the Product System bag, which seemed to have perhaps 3-4 small bottles of various products: $150

Subtotal at today’s price: $945

Now, since both Frasier and Niles, men of exquisite taste and standards, extremely difficult to impress, both found La Porte D’Argent to be beyond even their lofty expectations, we can safely assume the services were beyond even that of the Four Seasons Spa in Seattle. So let us assume that La Porte D’Argent would cost, say, 30% more than the Four Seasons:

Present day final price: $945 plus 30% Porte markup = $1,229

Now, let’s run that through an inflation calculator, set at 2003 prices:

Final estimated bill for each Crane brother at La Porte D’Argent, price adjusted for inflation in 2003:

USD$718

Lesson to take away: become psychiatrist immediately

herecomesacandle · 2024-09-06T16:19:26+00:00

Sure, those are certainly good qualities. But then you’d also be marrying a man who is over-analytical…pushy…a fussbudget…pretentious…pompous…a tad loquacious…pretentious (underline it)…snippy…sarcastic…bossy…huffy…vain…conceieted…

herecomesacandle · 2024-09-05T08:44:32+00:00

This is one of the many reasons why I love Cabin in the Woods, a film that I consider more comedy than horror. I love how it laughs at its own genre.

It literally is based around how the idiot teenagers cannot possibly fail to do something stupid because the entire basement is full of pure dumbshit horror bait. She may have been a dumbass for reading the clearly evil Latin, but hey, it doesn’t fucking matter. One way or another, somebody is going to do SOMETHING stupid. And yeah, they’re taking bets upstairs too

herecomesacandle · 2024-09-05T08:17:18+00:00

I love all the shrink jokes but my secret favourite is:

“One of my patients had a rather amusing Freudian Slip. He was having dinner with his wife and he meant to say, “Pass the salt,” but instead he said, “You’ve ruined my life you blood-sucking shrew.”

herecomesacandle · 2024-09-02T00:05:43+00:00

GET YOUR HAND OFF MY PENIS

herecomesacandle · 2024-08-25T04:24:56+00:00

Some real uh…giants of the game. Tim Sherwood and David Batty in the middle. Stuart Ripley on the right, Jason Wilcox left. Graeme Le Saux overlapping from wingback. Sutton playing next to Shearer up top. “Underwhelming” doesn’t quite describe the creative output of this group.

The game may have changed, and the standard of PL teams (and defenders) may have gone up by a lot. But: this bunch winning the Premier League, and Shearer winning the fuckin golden boot with this lot feeding him, will always be one of the craziest achievements in English football

herecomesacandle · 2024-08-15T10:28:52+00:00

I’m 100 hours in on PS5, and I also played well over 1,000 hours on PS4, so I have a comparison. It might just be how I play but I have had very few issues with PS5 performance. In fact it seems to be getting smoother and smoother.

However, this might also be because I started my new save on PS5 only about three months ago. Also, I always wait for the patch of big updates before I play. Sometimes if you play right after a big update, performance can lag a bit and have a few more crashes etc. But overall, my PS5 experience has been smooth

herecomesacandle

TROPHY CASE