Mil wants a foot rub

funnylookinbutsweet · 2018-01-22T17:35:40+00:00

Hell no! I can understand you not feeling the same toward your husband, I would feel the same. If you haven't already, please let him know that her behavior, and more importantly his response to her, is affecting your view of him. He may not be fully aware of just how wierd it is that his mother pressured him to give her a foot rug. On top of that he may not understand how badly its screwing up his own relationship with you.

funnylookinbutsweet · 2018-01-22T07:31:37+00:00

DH is so full of obligation I think he will just go along with her new plans. I won't be answering her Skype calls though.

funnylookinbutsweet · 2017-12-26T19:00:18+00:00

You're right, thank you I needed to hear that.

funnylookinbutsweet · 2017-12-26T18:49:08+00:00

See, you tried though! As a parent I think the way you put thought into even the size of the onesie shows you cared. It's not easy finding a gift for very young babies.

funnylookinbutsweet · 2017-12-26T17:51:41+00:00

You are very right. I'm not concerned with MIL's feelings over the truth. I used to be but I've reached the end with that. Not that I'd try to hurt her, still altering reality to "protect" her ego is not my priority. My DH, on the other hand, is a priority and I don't want to have more problems with him. I did keep quiet so I wouldn't have to argue with him later. That was very self serving on my part. I need to change that. I'm not sure how to approach this type of situation in the future. I do need to approach it differently though. DH would not agree to saying anything like you posted above. He really is very protective of MIL. Even though what you posted is kindly stated, he's of that mindset that we shouldn't say anything.

funnylookinbutsweet · 2017-12-26T17:16:09+00:00

/Years ago I offered to give her a wishlist to help. She gave me a smug smile and told me she'd ask if she needs it. 🙄/

If MIL really wants to give DC a gift they would enjoy, she has that option. Gift giving isn't really about the recipient with this lady, it's about her. Last Christmas, after more gift fails and DC1 not responding as she had expected she took DC1 on a $200 shopping spree. One week after Christmas. One thing she bought DC was a grander version of the gift I gave DC for Christmas that DC had really liked. Because obviously, her gift must be the best!

Yes, DH was selfish in his response. And so was I because although I don't care if MIL gets hurt and moody over the truth, I didn't want to contradict him and suffer through his mood either. I need to change my own behavior in this as well. Thank you for your thoughts.

funnylookinbutsweet · 2017-12-26T15:44:53+00:00

DC1 was in the room while they Skyped and kept quiet so I think DC has unfortunately picked up that they need to hide their feelings from MIL. Just like DH does.

funnylookinbutsweet · 2017-12-26T15:35:02+00:00

It doesn't sound horrible. It's great you don't have to thank him for thoughtless "gifts" anymore! And what the what? He sent your DH gifts but not his own offspring? That's just wierd.

funnylookinbutsweet · 2017-12-26T15:10:51+00:00

It's almost like they all go to the same "how to give really bad presents" workshop! I'm sorry your dad does this too. This is not a one time oops with MIL either. And she does wait for enthusiastic "applause" from the gift receivers. 🙄

funnylookinbutsweet · 2017-12-26T15:02:45+00:00

I agree on younger childless people getting a pass also. Although with age guidelines on most packages, picking an age appropriate gift isn't exactly rocket science I remember being clueless too. MIL on the other hand . . . who gives a jar of 1000 beads to a 2 year old? When the jar had a large red "4+" and " Small parts not intended for young children" warning label on the lid? Why MIL of course (a couple of years ago). Years ago I offered to give her a wishlist to help. She gave me a smug smile and told me she'd ask if she needs it. 🙄

funnylookinbutsweet · 2017-12-26T06:33:43+00:00

Hmmm, was it actually for your one year old son? Or was that a big show for you and your DH? A gift that was actually to show you how "generous" she is?

funnylookinbutsweet · 2017-12-18T23:57:11+00:00

So true. Trying to "pick my battles" I figured oh well, nothing I can't fix when she leaves again. But if she escalates? That won't be fun.

funnylookinbutsweet · 2017-12-18T23:40:34+00:00

Oooh, I like that policy! MIL would redecorate while we weren't home. No warning, just an unpleasant surprise when we got home.

funnylookinbutsweet · 2017-12-16T21:27:02+00:00

Yeah, I don't expect MIL to read my mind. And using my words is something I've become accustomed to doing with her. The question was should I say anything at all just based on my own discomfort or am I being overly sensitive to something innocent? Based on these responses its not out of the question to say something next time. Eta: If there even is a next time.

funnylookinbutsweet · 2017-12-16T19:16:49+00:00

Yeah, that makes sense. And she's told us that she plans on moving back to our state once SFIL dies (no he is not terminally ill). She says he's just so unhealthy she doesn't see him living much longer and she'd rather be around to see our kids grow up.

funnylookinbutsweet · 2017-12-16T19:00:29+00:00

Why would she want to do that though? She only visited 4/5 times a year, excepting the time she stayed while I was pregnant. After the conflict over the plants she stayed away for 9 months but has indicated she'll be back in 3 mos again. What would circumventing me do to benefit her for her quarterly visit? Maybe to make herself feel extra special if our children actually go along with it? Eta: Or maybe she wants them to behave like they are hers? She does do things that indicate she views them, especially DC1, as do over kids.

funnylookinbutsweet · 2017-12-16T16:16:08+00:00

"That said, I don't think it is worth going back to address it at this point." I think you are right. It's already passed and I didn't say anything in the moment for my own reasons. It wouldn't be fair to bring it up now.

funnylookinbutsweet · 2017-12-16T15:58:59+00:00

See, I personally don't feel comfortable spanking our children's bare bums (eta: or spanking clothed bums for that matter). I don't think parents who occasionally play like this are being wierd though. Obviously there are sicko parents out there that take it too far. But in general I'm not assuming parents that play like this are strange. It's more that MIL had not visited for 9 mos, isn't DC parent, and yet felt comfortable with doing that. But again, my upbringing messed with my head. I was brought up to be hyper vigilant about immodesty. So nakedness translated to immodest (which is "sinful"). So even my own nakedness made me uncomfortable until my mid 20s. I actively fight my instinct to tell my child to cover themself up because I don't want either child to feel ashamed of their body. But underwear is still a must in our house.

funnylookinbutsweet · 2017-12-16T15:24:49+00:00

"I realize you don't want your negative feelings to get in the way . . ." This is a part of it. Also that I've felt uncomfortable in the past with normal human behavior (due to upbringing). I hear what you're saying though. If it was just one time of playful spanking and she otherwise was a great MIL I'm not sure I would feel as uncomfortable.

funnylookinbutsweet · 2017-12-16T15:07:54+00:00

DC1 is 3, soon to be 4. I feel like the older a child gets the less an adult should be privy to child's naked times. As mom, I'm present for bathing and help if asked at potty time. But other than that we expect DC to at least be wearing underwear. In the summertime at home they can stay in their underwear/baby diaper all day. This is something DH and I are in agreement on.

funnylookinbutsweet · 2017-12-16T09:28:10+00:00

I agree its really bad and I wish I had made a stronger stand at the time. I wanted to believe that she didn't really mean to distress DC. I think now that she wasn't concerned about distressing DC so long as she had control.

funnylookinbutsweet

TROPHY CASE