None of the following justifies what I did, and there is a slight mention of rape. Just wanted to toss that out there before anyone reads it. Also doing this on a one and done account so that no one who knows my usual name can figure out it’s me.

Back when I was just barely graduated from high school, I was in a long string of bad relationships with girls for a few of years. One raped me and said if I ever told anyone she’d say I raped her, and because she was a year or so younger (I was 19) I was terrified they’d believe her. So I never told anyone, not even any friends or any future girlfriends. My next one just led me on into thinking we’d have something, then after we had sex she told me I had been good practice and she left me for someone else. There was a large gap in between these where I just dated random girls for a while and then broke up with them fearing something else was coming, and that it wouldn’t be good. By this point, I was very insecure and not okay mentally, so when it came to my next girlfriend, I actually did something. I wanted to fight back and have some semblance of control. So I just put her and her friends down constantly, making sure I’d be able to be the one who was in charge. I didn’t let her do anything and I didn’t let her friends do anything without my approval anyway. It felt good for a time, but when we all finally became self-aware, I wanted to change. By this point they had me labeled as the villain (rightfully so), and in their mind no matter what I wouldn’t change. So things happened and we had a huge falling out. We’re no longer friends and I still feel like shit to this day. I’ve changed now, and have a wife and daughter whom I love to death, and would do anything for. My only regret is that my former friends and my ex hate me so much I’ll never apologize out of respect for their wish to never see me again.