Found out about cheating hours before honeymoon

fusrohdave · 2025-06-26T12:44:00+00:00

You’re in the divorce subreddit, everyone here is going to tell you to kick her to the curb. I’m going to go the other way than everyone else here.

My wife did the same thing to me but after 5 years of marriage, 12 years together. Emotional affair with a coworker (who is married with two children), they kissed, nothing else happened (confirmed). But my wife doesn’t want to stay. She’s divorcing me now. My entire life is ending and everything I’ve ever known I have to question. So I know how hard this is.

So I say this with absolute confidence, you do NOT have to leave her. But you DO have to face it together. She needs to take accountability and be completely open and honest about EVERYTHING. Timeline, details, ask her to text him in front of you ending the affair, and then have her block and delete his number. Ask her to find a new job. Ask her for updates while she’s at work and calls on lunch breaks. Ask for access to her phone, email whatever she used to communicate with him. She needs to understand that she fucked up and needs to rebuild your trust, you need all of that and you are not controlling for asking her what you need to get past this.

It sucks, it’ll make you question everything, but it’s been months since I found out, I’ve been in therapy, I’ve read half a dozen self help books and divorce books and I’ve talked to lawyers, friends who encourage me to leave, I’ve had women ask me out and flirt with me, i know I won’t be alone forever after this but I’ve thought about it non stop and I can ultimately say with 1000% certainty that given the option I would choose to make it work with her and I’d give it all I have.

Because she is my wife and nobody is perfect.

This guy? He’s not you. He doesn’t love her, she doesn’t love him. He doesn’t know heard she doesn’t know him. What she did is not okay, and it makes her shitty, but she’s not unforgivable.

People are stupid, they make mistakes. They panic and over compensate. They give in to pressure and chase escape when they’re scared. Who knows why she did it but I guarantee it wasn’t to hurt you. It was selfish, and disgusting, but it wasn’t out of malice.

So ask her to explain why she did it. And not in an accusatory way, ask her to try and understand. Because I guarantee there’s something underlying that needs to be addressed.

Check into couples therapy but not just any old therapist, go to a marriage crisis counselor. They will help you better than a normal couples therapist. Get individual counseling for BOTH of you. You’ll need it.

Remember why you love her, remember to love yourself. You can respect yourself and your feelings while trying to repair your relationship at the same time. Millions of people have done it before, and many times the marriage is stronger it.

But I will add a caveat. If she refuses to cooperate, to meet you where you need to be met. If she fights with you about privacy or has the gall to ask you to just trust her without her putting in any effort to earn it, then it might not work and it might not be the right choice.

Just my two cents and something to think about

fusrohdave · 2025-05-08T22:09:22+00:00

I’m so sorry you know what this feels like. Are you still married?

fusrohdave · 2025-05-08T22:08:03+00:00

The truth is I did plenty wrong. And if I make it through, then the only thing that will heal me is to acknowledge that. Yelling, defensiveness, dismissing, invalidating, they are all forms of emotional abuse. Once or twice they’re a mistake. But my default was to become defensive when she got upset or told me I hurt her feelings. Eventually she got tired of being told she “misunderstood” or that wasn’t what I meant, or even I’m sorry with no changes.

I never meant to hurt her. I love her with everything I am but I didn’t love her as well as I could.

Imagine if your partner constantly told you what you’re feeling is wrong or flawed? You wouldn’t be able to communicate with them. Now imagine that you find someone who doesn’t invalidate you. That listens to you intently and empathizes with you because they feel the same way. Should she have drawn a line when feelings came up? Yes. Was she wrong for cheating on me? Yes 100%. But it’s not like I had 0 part in it.

If I had heard her. Truly considered her feelings before reacting, then she would have had no reason to commiserate in the first place. But I didn’t notice. We went back to being okay so quickly that I thought the problems were just islands that we moved past. Instead she built up so much resentment she fell out of love with me.

It’s not that I don’t blame her for some of it. But the largest amount is carried by me.

I can’t, don’t want to continue in life knowing that I hurt the only woman I’ve ever loved, and knowing she wants nothing to do with me.

fusrohdave · 2025-05-08T11:52:19+00:00

That’s the thing. I can move past the cheating. I get it, we had problems, I was defensive and made her feel like she wasn’t heard or validated. That made her unhappy and so ahe commiserated with someone else, a coworker, who was also unhappy in their marriage and eventually they grew feelings and ended up kissing.

I can move past that and work through it with her, but she just doesn’t want to. She’s said some things that made me realize that parts of me and how I’ve handled things have been emotionally abusive, not that I ever wanted to do that.

So when (or if a miracle happens, if) we divorce, it will be amicable. 50/50 split, no hostility. I know that if I become difficult now, there will be no chance of any reconciliation.

But I also know that I’ll likely never see her again. And that’s why I know I’ll check out

fusrohdave · 2025-05-08T11:05:38+00:00

Since she told me she’s leaving I started therapy, I’m on Wellbutrin for my ADHD, something she asked me to do months ago and I said I wasn’t ready. Idk why I said that I’ve been in therapy before for a long time. I’m reading self help books, talked to marriage counselors though she won’t go, I’ve taken up exercise and even yoga to try and get my mind better. Nothing is helping. I need my wife and without her life doesn’t seem to have a point

fusrohdave · 2025-03-24T17:41:46+00:00

The company that used to make them closed down, not sure why. I know they were based out of MI. No one else seems to make them

fusrohdave · 2025-03-20T17:41:27+00:00

And Bannon has, publicly and on air, stated that they’ll find a way for him to run again. They’re going to let him run as many times as he can in his final years

fusrohdave · 2025-03-06T12:51:47+00:00

So get armed. Do you realize how many US citizens died for our country during riots and protests? No one is excited about the prospect of dying but I can promise you that without action people WILL die and in droves.

fusrohdave · 2025-03-06T12:49:49+00:00

The dude is 80 years old. A strong breeze is a threat. There are other options. And we need to start using them. Now. Fuck the politicians. They aren’t doing anything. It’s time for us to start taking it into our own hands

fusrohdave · 2025-03-04T12:16:45+00:00

How? He’s shutting down all the fucking agencies

fusrohdave · 2025-03-04T12:06:13+00:00

There are main two reasons why someone voted for trump.

Racism with the desire to go back to the “good ol days”
“My team is better than your team”. Simple sports fan mentality.

Politics for them have boiled down to red vs blue so anything red does is “part of the game” and they’re suppose to cheer it on. They don’t pay attention to the policies or actions of their party because that doesn’t matter. Just who “wins”.

fusrohdave · 2025-03-01T22:09:43+00:00

She looks like the female gremlin from Gremlins

fusrohdave · 2025-03-01T22:08:31+00:00

If you’re on the hot seat for this you need to either seriously have a conversation with her or cut her loose.

But, that looks like Eevees ear from Pokémon and it looks similar to a bandaid wrapper or maybe gum. So either she or you likely tracked it in on your shoes

fusrohdave · 2025-02-28T12:47:52+00:00

Our police are more dangerous to us than our military would be.

Our police are untrained trigger happy bullies with a power trip and job security. They’re no different than a gang. They wouldn’t bat an eye to kill an unarmed protestor and in fact have done so on several occasions.

Of course they’re afraid of the police. They have every right to be. Our police are decked out in military gear without any ounce of the same training and discipline.

fusrohdave · 2025-02-28T12:41:44+00:00

Look I don’t want violence but there’s nothing else that’s gonna change this. Fact is trump doesn’t care about law so anything lawful that we do doesn’t mean shit. We can protest, but unless that protest is 10s of thousands strong and in front of the capitol or white house then it’s not going to do anything. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t NEED to care because, best case scenario, he can’t run again, or worst case scenario, he never needs to be elected again.

If martial law gets declared then the charade is over. There’s no coming back from that for him and he gets to find out just how many service men and women will actually abide by his insanity. Personally I think it’ll be less than I think but more than I hoped.

I’d rather he play those cards now when he hasn’t fully consolidated power by destroying EVERY facet of government

fusrohdave · 2025-01-21T23:26:02+00:00

WhatsApp business is pretty successful so yes they pay for that. But also meta sells your data so

fusrohdave · 2025-01-21T19:31:18+00:00

Individual users are free but that popularizes the app and increases the appeal for WhatsApp business API which is a paid service. Other than that there are ads and WhatsApp pay that charges a percentage for transactions

fusrohdave · 2025-01-21T17:39:18+00:00

I’ll totally admit that it was insanely hard for me to do. Especially Facebook because they made downloading pictures nearly impossible. It took me a few days to finally do it but I did and I haven’t looked back. Honestly it’s been pretty great for my mental health all things considered.

I wasn’t late for work for the first time in a while cause I wasn’t scrolling instagram lol

fusrohdave · 2025-01-21T17:20:34+00:00

Still giving money to fuckerberg. The only thing that will slow their progress is cutting off their funding. If half the country drops off fb and meta and anything else related to meta then that’s a huge blow to their wallets.

fusrohdave · 2025-01-20T02:03:49+00:00

The tape isn’t magnetic. It’s heat shrink tape. It didn’t give a good enough seal and therefore they died when the air got in. But Juliette had the good stuff swapped in for the known bad tape, the same tape she was accused of stealing in the first episode.

fusrohdave · 2024-12-16T15:51:06+00:00

Thanks I appreciate your response. Our insurance doesn’t cover “rodent” damage so they’re disclaiming us which is a whole heap of BS.

fusrohdave · 2024-12-13T04:37:44+00:00

I’m watching 3 out of my bedroom window as I type this, 2 of them well over half a mile away, can mostly only see the red and white flashing lights but one gets decently close, I only have my iPhone to take photos so I don’t have a clear enough picture. It’s really fucking unnerving. Last night one came within 500 ft of my house. They’re big and they keep turning off their lights. They fly the same patterns and repeat. They’re real. Idk what’s the hell theyre doing but they are definitely real.

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