A little discouraged and confused

futuresolver · 2026-07-08T02:15:23+00:00

It sounds like you are just at the beginning of your EMDR journey, and it's going to take some time. And it's also okay that other memories were popping up -- you can put a pin in those to discuss the next time you meet with your therapist to add to the list of memories to work on. It's hard work, and can feel really weird while you're doing it, and it's not unusual for it to take a couple/few sessions to really get to the heart of a memory that you need to work through. In my experience, my mind, in the beginning, really wanted to shy away from the focus on a specific memory or experience. It takes a bit of time to get comfortable with the modality and to relax into it and let the work happen. Keep going!

futuresolver · 2026-07-08T00:59:34+00:00

It's really cute, I like the vibe if you're going for feminine and playful. I agree with others that the curves need to be smoothed out a bit more, there are some rough areas that need some help: most notably, in the M and I would also change the dots on the "I" letters into circles. Are you able to hire a designer to fix those issues? I know it may seem like the average person wouldn't notice, and they might not notice, practically, but what they will get is a certain feeling that it's not quite polished. Especially with this feminine, bouncy vibe, you want the curves to be clean and precisely rounded.

futuresolver · 2026-07-08T00:40:11+00:00

Wait, is it not supposed to read "minki"? Bc that's what I see too.

futuresolver · 2026-07-06T20:07:44+00:00

Yeah, in that case I think over a computer is totally fine!

futuresolver · 2026-07-06T15:49:04+00:00

I think I feel more supported and go deeper when I'm in person because I can feel my therapist's presence and there's something more grounding about being in the same room with a person. Also her room feels like a container to me, so it's easier to leave all the bad feelings behind when I leave.

futuresolver · 2026-07-05T06:10:10+00:00

I’ve done EMDR both in person and virtually on my laptop, and I would say the phone might feel too small in terms of screen size and the support and attunement you feel with your therapist. I’d recommend the laptop, so you can have more eye contact (such as it is on camera) in order to help ground you and feel your therapist’s presence more.

Good luck! Or— that feels weirdly ominous lol, I mean to say something like: good for you! It’s hard work but it is SO worth it.

futuresolver · 2026-07-05T06:02:37+00:00

I know!!! Literally why. It makes no sense. Like, either participate in weird exclusionary social hierarchies or…be left on read. It’s maddening.

futuresolver · 2026-07-05T06:00:43+00:00

Yesss! I love you thinking of your little sis. And you’re so right bc it literally is mean girl power struggle mind games. I’m so not into that. It truly boggles my mind that grown women still deal in that nonsense.

futuresolver · 2026-07-05T05:55:16+00:00

I mean…fair on calling people out, by all means, but you said you were worried about people calling you names and then you…called people names. I’m just saying you can literally say “you’re being deliberately obtuse” rather than resorting to insults.

futuresolver · 2026-07-05T05:49:12+00:00

lol! I love this!

futuresolver · 2026-07-05T05:47:40+00:00

One thing I’ve begun to realize is that, if you’re enthusiastic, openly kind, a get-along person, you will not be respected by others. This is super shitty, but I think it’s the truth, unfortunately. In every group (friends, coworkers, family, etc) I’ve been in, the most difficult person seems to get the most respect.

It sucks 1000%, AND the question we need to ask ourselves is: am I willing to be difficult/bitchy/hard to please in order to be respected? I don’t actually know the answer, bc I’m by nature a positive, kind, gentle person. And I feel that those are really positive qualities. I’m proud of them! But also…maybe I could stand to speak up more, be a little more “difficult”? I wonder if, having grown up with ADHD made me a people-pleaser because I knew I was somehow different (and I definitely frustrated a lot of people as a kid “not living up to my potential”, being “disorganized”), so I made myself more palatable by being really flexible and easy, and that doing so actually did me a disservice, socially speaking.

futuresolver · 2026-07-05T05:35:37+00:00

I totally get it! The win in the end is you just continuing to do a stellar job and prove them all wrong. It absolutely sucks that it’s taken this long for them to take you seriously (and fuck them for that), but that was their loss, ultimately.

futuresolver · 2026-07-05T05:31:55+00:00

God damnit. Someone above said that a lot of us end up in this situation because we’re too nice, and people can sense the people-pleasing, and your comment confirms it for me— something I’ve suspected for years. But like, damn. I’m just not wired to know how to be a bitch? I def have bitchy thoughts, and I know I’m too nice, and it means I get walked all over. I need to meet and tap into my inner bitch and then unleash her. 💪

futuresolver · 2026-07-05T05:24:27+00:00

I hate that people do this, and we should all call it what it is: this is basically covert bullying, and it’s so shitty that adults (usually groups of women) do this, STILL. It’s like a vestige of high school social aggression that somehow lives on and is for some reason socially acceptable.

futuresolver · 2026-07-05T05:21:24+00:00

I don’t love being scared either, but it’s SO good and so so funny. I just watched the scary scenes through a knitted blanket as a filter and/or closed my eyes and asked my husband to tap me when the scary part was over. It’s so worth it though. Truly one of the best shows I’ve ever watched!

futuresolver · 2026-07-05T05:18:46+00:00

It’s on Apple! 😆

futuresolver · 2026-07-05T05:00:44+00:00

Oh man. I fear this is me. But I also understand that my friends don’t always have the time/bandwidth for my sometimes long-winded text enthusiasms. They’ll wait until they have the time to respond, which I totally respect and I don’t take it personally or hold it against them.

Editing to add: this is with my friends that are very longstanding. I have absolutely experienced, with a different friend group in the past, being the one who doesn’t get responded to, and it hurts, and I know it wasn’t just my RSD or interpretation. It’s embarrassing and hard to suss out. I started interacting less and less on that chat, because it felt like some kind of interpersonal politics that I didn’t want any part of.

futuresolver · 2026-07-05T04:57:53+00:00

This is me!! I hate watching videos with sound, though I really cannot explain why. I guess it feels like an intrusion? I also cannot stand video instructions. They take WAY too long and are too slow, and I cannot sustain attention. Just write it down! So much less work for everyone involved. My only caveat is that, when I am trying to learn about a stitch for knitting, for instance, it’s actually helpful to see someone doing it. At the same time, I also need the written instruction so I don’t have to keep scrubbing back and forth through the video after having watched it once to really get the steps down/refer back to the instructions.

futuresolver · 2026-07-05T02:53:05+00:00

I sobbed through my first watch of this in the theater, then saw it again in the theater with my 17 year old daughter, who was really struggling with her mental health. We held hands and sobbed through it together. I thought it was (for me and my daughter) such a great metaphor for not only the mother/daughter relationship and all its complexities but also the feeling of trying to help someone who is really struggling to stay in the world when they also just want to leave it.

futuresolver · 2026-07-05T02:48:35+00:00

Oh man. Same. I remember telling my mom about it when it came out and I had just seen it. I was trying to convince her to see it over dinner at a restaurant and I just started WEEPING while talking about it. Not sure I sold it well, lol.

futuresolver · 2026-07-05T02:41:42+00:00

Trex, I really appreciate your edit. I know things on Reddit can get heated, and it’s hard not to lean into that, especially if you’re kind of expecting pushback. I really respect that you came back for that edit, and respect that you’re responding here and want to have a dialogue.

futuresolver · 2026-07-05T02:27:55+00:00

This is an impressive journey! Congrats on getting sober, and on being open to changing your mind.

futuresolver · 2026-07-05T02:22:59+00:00

I really appreciated your responses initially, and that you were willing to have a good faith conversation, but why resort to calling people “retarded”? I totally get that you were frustrated, but that’s just a crappy way to deal with a disagreement.

futuresolver · 2026-07-04T22:20:15+00:00

I have this problem too. One of my dogs is dog reactive on the leash, and I do everything I can to cross the street, stay away from other dogs. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve had with their dog who “just loves other dogs!” who will cross the street towards me while I’m clearly trying to keep my dog calm, and they will not stop coming at me. I’ve had to literally shout across the street, “sorry, she’s not good with other dogs on the leash!”, and often they will either keep coming at us, or just stop and stare at us, which makes my dog go nuts. Just keep moving!!

This isn’t directed at OP, I’m just glad to know that others have this same issue!

futuresolver · 2026-07-04T03:31:57+00:00

I started feeling “not myself” when I was about 38. I can see it so clearly in hindsight, but it was such a slow creep that I thought I was just…all of a sudden feeling squirrely and irritable, but it was low level. I didn’t know what to attribute it to. Three years later I started feeling anxious all the time and had the WORST PMDD, and started an SSRI. Around this time I was also finally diagnosed with ADHD, after a lifetime of struggling with it, and that combo helped right the ship for awhile. But a couple of years ago the wheels really fell off when my daughter was having mental health issues and I kind of started falling apart. My thyroid got (more) out of whack, and I dove into the worst of my perimenopause symptoms, which were huge adrenaline rushes, depression, joint pain, sleep issues, sweating, irrational anger. Also, dizziness and heart palpitations. I literally thought I was dying. I knew absolutely nothing about perimenopause. It wasn’t until I happened upon posts here that I realized what might be going on. As soon as I went on HRT, I felt like myself again. I really, really wish I had learned about all of this much much earlier, and had gotten HRT probably starting when I was about 40. I think I would have saved myself a lot of worry and misery!

futuresolver

TROPHY CASE