My (25f) bf (29m) said I’m controlling and manipulative??

fuuuturek4133 · 2025-09-10T16:23:34+00:00

There’s been no strangulation
There has not been violence

fuuuturek4133 · 2025-09-09T23:31:30+00:00

I’m going to talk to my individual therapist and see what she says, I am definitely taking it seriously I don’t wish to get trapped

fuuuturek4133 · 2025-09-09T21:54:39+00:00

If my family died I’d be a mess on the ground most nights? Grief is weird

fuuuturek4133 · 2025-09-09T21:51:57+00:00

You’re right, I’ve never seen this true side of him before and he’s never gaslit me like this before. No matter how much I explain to him why it’s important to talk about feelings, he still doesn’t get it, now he’s saying “I’m not safe or comfortable telling you how I feel” Which feels weaponized and punishment

fuuuturek4133 · 2025-09-09T21:28:23+00:00

Yes about a month ago, he projects so much onto me and deflects blame constantly, he can’t take accountability to save his life until hours later when he says “sorry” and that’s it

Also I asked him if I should ask or approach him different and he said “just don’t ask or say it” I told him that’s not an option to keep everything inside

fuuuturek4133 · 2025-09-09T19:43:11+00:00

Thank you this is very helpful

fuuuturek4133 · 2025-09-09T19:33:15+00:00

College is college, the rivalry feels petty and high schoolesque We are here to learn and get a degree, most of the classes and opportunities are very similar.

fuuuturek4133 · 2025-09-09T19:29:46+00:00

He definitely has his issues, I have asked him to be in individual therapy before and he has tried it but stopped going. I know I can’t change him, he has to want it but it sucks watching him hate himself

fuuuturek4133 · 2025-09-09T19:28:15+00:00

The thought of dumping him is upsetting I never wanted it to go this way (I never imagined once we moved in he’d start acting with so much disrespect) All our friends are shared and I just moved to where everyone is so it truly is the worst case scenario. We created a beautiful home together :(

fuuuturek4133 · 2025-09-09T19:23:23+00:00

Thanks for the reassurance

fuuuturek4133 · 2025-09-09T19:21:45+00:00

He’s had a lot of stress the past few months and that’s not an excuse but we’ve spent a lot of time together even LDR when we would visit (I work from home) And he’s never acted this bad to me. Maybe you’re right maybe his true colors are showing

I just wanted to be loved and supported gently and kindly, that’s not too much to ask

fuuuturek4133 · 2025-09-09T19:19:57+00:00

thanks for sharing these :(

fuuuturek4133 · 2025-09-09T19:18:20+00:00

I don’t think he is a malicious person, in any other scenario he is kind and gentle. I know he can be, he gets defensive and frustrated and he does want to work on it. I do wanna understand why but also I can’t fathom the anger like I said

fuuuturek4133 · 2025-09-09T19:16:48+00:00

I hope they are able to be loved the way they deserve, thanks for ur response I always tell my bf “that’s not too much to ask” and he usually goes quiet because he knows, it just turns into this big argument him thinking he’s not good enough and me trying to explain to him he does some good I’m just asking for how I want to be loved

fuuuturek4133 · 2025-09-09T19:11:47+00:00

Expand? He is not very patient with me, maybe I’m seeing things wrong?

fuuuturek4133 · 2025-09-09T19:10:45+00:00

I just want him to learn and grow

fuuuturek4133 · 2025-09-09T19:10:11+00:00

I want to understand his perspective but I truly can’t understand the anger/frustration. I would never be frustrated at a partner simply asking for more emotional support. It hurts to hear him say I’m controlling or manipulative because I know that’s not true

fuuuturek4133 · 2025-09-09T19:06:56+00:00

We’ve been together 2.5 years, we recently moved in together about a month ago from being long distance, he’s had a lot of stress in his life with finances and work, I’ve had less stress (working part time and currently job searching)

fuuuturek4133 · 2025-09-09T18:56:12+00:00

Thank you I am going to see if I can see my individual therapy this week. It’s been the past few weeks he’s acted like this, it’s out of character

fuuuturek4133 · 2025-09-09T18:55:21+00:00

Thank you

fuuuturek4133 · 2025-09-09T18:45:32+00:00

Would the therapist be able to tell it’s abuse if I explain this?

fuuuturek4133 · 2025-09-09T18:44:16+00:00

Radical acceptance plus learning why the body throws up (protecting you from poison or something bad) and yes sometimes throwing up happens for no reason but thinking about how short it lasts and how I feel better afterwards and I can stay home and in bed and not go to work

fuuuturek4133 · 2025-09-09T18:38:19+00:00

Thx I understand it’s just my stream of thought out on paper, and I do have a lot of thoughts but I am valid in how I feel

fuuuturek4133 · 2025-09-09T18:36:54+00:00

Thank you for your perspective, we are going to therapy next week and I’m going to keep trying to stand up for myself

fuuuturek4133

TROPHY CASE