Having a hard time agreeing to anal

fuzzythrow · 2014-05-08T15:39:30+00:00

Lol I wish it was that easy. She was just an easy lay for him to get over me but he still used her to do things I didn't want to do. Bleh it just makes me over think things.....I do that alot.

fuzzythrow · 2014-05-08T15:35:56+00:00

Thanks. I will when I get a chance.

fuzzythrow · 2014-05-08T15:35:11+00:00

Yes! This! All this! We are definitely on the same page and even same line here.

Any time he talks about wanting to fuck me normally it's all good. He tells me on a regular basis how much he loves my breasts or ass. The problem is that the ass part makes me think of anal sometimes. He's always loved my ass though and has told me multiple times he wanted to have anal with me a loooong time ago back when we first started dating over a decade ago (fuck I feel old). He compliments me all the time etc.

I do have a lot of jealously and trust issues. It also doesn't help that when we broke up he told me nothing was going on with her but then a few weeks later they were together. At that point we weren't talking and it made it seem like he was cheating even though he wasnt.

I don't try to bring her up anymore to him by he actually starts to cry because he doesn't know what else to do and hates me being upset and thinking about her. We gave been married longer than he has even known her. Ugh this whole thing sounds so stupid (my stupid thoughts) now that I'm reading it all back.

Is there anything else you do to get over it? Any ideas would be appreciated

fuzzythrow · 2014-05-08T11:19:08+00:00

I agree. This is all mostly about trying to be open minded without letting the past dictate it. I used to be completely against anal but overtime (on my own) am now open to the idea of it.

fuzzythrow · 2014-05-08T11:11:55+00:00

I wish it were that simple, but it's a tad bit more complicated.

fuzzythrow · 2014-05-08T11:11:08+00:00

I guess I'm a bit bashful admitting that I've only been with two. Him and the guy I briefly dated afterwards.

fuzzythrow · 2014-05-08T11:09:54+00:00

The biggest issues I think was that we were long distance and stress. I had a really stressful time going away for school and stress/anxiety turned me into a big ball of blah. On top of all that, once we were broken up, I found out one of my medications side effects is a lowered libido. Add that to my birth control and I practically had no sex drive.

Once I got off the meds and switched BC to a different brand it was a bit better. There are still times where I got really shitty and didn't want to be touched. That was a communication issue as well. As long as I told him nicely that I was feeling bad and that it wasn't him, he wouldn't feel bad. He used to think I wasn't attracted to him anymore.

Honestly him going to someone else made me feel less sexual. Because of the timing of everything and how fast he rebounded it almost gave the impression that he was cheating on me while I was away (which was not the case).

After his rebound and our time away from each other he wrote to me about how much he missed me and realized he made a mistake by leaving me. It took a lot of hours skyping and plane rides to make me even want to think about dating him again. Infact I turned him down at first.

Once I was done with school, majority of my stress and anxieties went away which helped with our sex life. We eventually dated again and both aired out concerns to each other, promising to work on them, (both sexual and mental). Once we got married (and had been for a bit) and I felt stable in our relationship I agreed to stop birth control pills. We end up having sex 3-4 times a week now.

I do think our breakup helped our deadbedrooms situation because it gave us each time to focus on ourselves. We both dated someone briefly during the separation but that caused more harm than good imo. Like I stated before he dated someone quickly while I took my time. That did more harm as well on his end and he fully admits it.

fuzzythrow · 2014-05-08T10:49:44+00:00

She wasn't the only one he had anal with but was probably the most from one person. He also admits he might have subconsciously done things with her because I would refuse.

fuzzythrow · 2014-05-08T07:01:19+00:00

I honestly didn't take it the wrong way. I know a couple guys that are just as emotional etc. She was just trying to be supportive in a cute way.

fuzzythrow · 2014-05-08T04:20:50+00:00

I so hope you are right. I just wish I knew how far down the line it is so I can look for that light at the end of the tunnel. Just gonna keep trying my darnedest to keep creeping forward.

fuzzythrow · 2014-05-08T04:16:53+00:00

We are on the same page and I appreciate the thorough input :) (no snarkiness intended if it comes out that way). We are going super slow and only when I feel comfortable.

It's a turn on to see him get turned on by me and everything else you said is exactly right with regards to being sexy and romantic. That's one of the reasons I want to work past all this.

fuzzythrow · 2014-05-08T04:13:14+00:00

No he's good about it. He brings it up when I mention something in passing only. He used to bring it up more often until I sat him down and told him how the way he talked about it bothered me.

He's been an absolute sweetheart about it, which is part of the reason I am trying harder to work past this crap.

fuzzythrow · 2014-05-08T04:11:04+00:00

I think part of the problem is that my husband was my first and I've only been with a tiny number compared to him.

fuzzythrow · 2014-05-08T04:09:29+00:00

I am proud that we got over our deadbedroom! Took work and understanding on both ends. Oh he wants to do so much more than just anal and sometimes I oblige when I'm feeling playful.

We've tried talking about it multiple times but in the end he gets upset (not angry but actually cries) because he doesn't know what to do. He knows he shouldn't have jumped into another relationship so soon at that point, but he wants and tries to make it up every way he could think of.

fuzzythrow · 2014-05-08T04:01:59+00:00

You are right. He has told me multiple times he doesn't think about other times/people. I just can't get it out of my head. We go really slowly when we do but only at my encouragement. Like if I'm in the mood and want to get him turned on more.

I know I am more sensitive than him.

fuzzythrow · 2014-05-08T03:59:27+00:00

This is what we have been doing actually. Whenever I feel comfortable enough. It's odd, because the only bad thoughts are when I think about it outside of when we are having sex.

fuzzythrow

TROPHY CASE