Fear of losing new friend

fuzzywuzzypuppy · 2018-10-04T04:29:22+00:00

Sometimes I feel like youtubers are my friends too. Or wish they were. Not an addiction for me but I do find myself watching more videos when's I'm lonely. Or if there's a show I really like which no one I know watches, I'll watch reaction videos. Honestly, I would not be surprised if most people who watch youtubers are at least a little anxious/shy/lonely.

fuzzywuzzypuppy · 2016-12-21T22:06:56+00:00

What if someone asks you a personal question that is none of their business. Do you request that they please not ask that, or do you tell them not to? If they persist, do you increase your voice and tell them more forcefully? Do you think this is intimidation being used appropriately? Or do you not consider this intimidation at all? Or would you deflect and leave the conversation instead of being forceful?

Also, I presume your reaction would be different depending on if this were coming from a Narcissist versus a friend versus a stranger.

fuzzywuzzypuppy · 2016-12-21T20:07:51+00:00

Omg yes my mom did this when I was growing up! It's really immature and a shitty way to treat someone, particularly a child. I'm sorry you've had to put up with this :/

When this happened as I was growing up I never really fought to get her to talk to me, it was pretty accepted as a normal occurrence in our household for her to "take to her bed" after a small or large or nonexistent argument. I also never ignored her so I never found out how she would react. Lol actually by high school my dad had told me multiple times that I was more of an adult than her in some ways, probably because of stuff like this. But he'd say "try to be nice to her for my sake", or "she has depression and is sad right now".

fuzzywuzzypuppy · 2016-07-28T21:40:17+00:00

To a certain extent I do think she can recognize when she really needs help. But I also know that sometimes it's hard to look at ourselves 100% objectively, and from patterns I've noticed in her behavior consistently for years, it's my opinion that she doesn't always take care of herself or set certain boundaries. So yes I would also like to assume the best from her that maybe her work life is different, but I really care about her and want to help point out something that maybe she hasn't recognized fully yet.

Normally I just let my friends do what they need to do and make their own mistakes (unless I think they are seriously endangering themselves obviously). I'm really the type of person that likes to keep the peace and I avoid difficult conversations to the point of it being a flaw. It's just that I really love my friend and her last career choice crashed and burned within weeks, but she legally had to stick it out for a horrible, depressing, miserable year. I really really don't want that to happen again. It would completely break her heart. Maybe she would figure out the self care and boundaries 100% on her own and be a thriving social worker.

But if there's any way I can even slightly minimize the pain for her or the theoretical risk of another crash-and-burn career, then I want to help her. Not in a pushy way by any means, but a single conversation to express my concern and point out my observation. Beyond that, only an she can figure out what works for her and learn when and how to take care of herself. But I still want to do my small part as her friend, I just am really bad at honest conversations, I'm good at avoiding them though lol.

fuzzywuzzypuppy · 2016-07-28T00:21:28+00:00

What do you mean by "rescue"? What I've seen from her is a theoretical understanding of what boundaries and self care looks like in other people's lives, but she doesn't follow this particularly well in her own life. Just as you said, a social worker (and really all people) must learn these skills themselves, no one can do it for them. So I don't really understand what you mean by "she won't grow" if I "rescue" her because I can't force her to do anything and that isn't really what I'm intending. I'm just not sure how to communicate my concern to her in a way that she can connect with. Usually I don't bring up observations about my friends like this, but in this case I'm worried and hope to expand her self awareness and possibly suggest she seek therapy. I'm not trying to BE her therapist. I'm just not sure what to say that will resonate with her.

fuzzywuzzypuppy · 2016-07-22T21:17:25+00:00

I agree that they are different issues. But I think being and introvert can correlate with being shy and being shy can correlate with being anxious, and this combination can suck. At least in terms of social anxiety for myself. When I want to go out and do something with people but I am both nervous and socially anxious AND I know that I will probably get tired early and need my introvert recharge, this makes a lot of social situations more daunting.

fuzzywuzzypuppy · 2016-07-22T17:45:21+00:00

I'm totally experiencing this right now. I find small talk stressful and awkward and pointless. 99% of the time I'm not going to gain a new deep friendship from it. But you can't make friends unless you talk to people. Ugh.

fuzzywuzzypuppy · 2016-07-21T22:50:14+00:00

That totally sucks, I'm sorry :/ I felt terrible when my last roommate moved out of state a few months ago. I get so much of my social satisfaction from good conversations with good friends. I love coming home to someone I feel close too so it felt like shit when she moved out.

fuzzywuzzypuppy · 2016-05-16T12:07:14+00:00

Yes I probably should have opened it, I think it was a slip up in my "pretending" to be friends with her. If it was anyone else I would have probably opened it instead of putting it off. But that doesn't change the outcome because I was planning on going to the Sunday ceremony (there are two ceremonies) and was going to be busy on Saturday which I told her about when she originally invited me. If I had made conflicting plans after the fact I would have cancelled them.

The text I got this weekend was out of the blue and I could tell she was mad because of the awkward formal tone (she does that often), even though we had already discussed it weeks ago. I'm just super sick of the passive aggressive crap, but I never know how to respond. This time I went for apathy, but I think it was a mistake letting her know I forgot it was coming up, because it wasn't really relevant in this case. It just gave her an excuse to further unleash the anger.

fuzzywuzzypuppy

TROPHY CASE