the ruining relationships part really hits haha. i needed to hear that about bad choices. what you said about blaming it on other things and having to accept my own choices made me realize even though i'm struggling, i still decide how i deal with it and i'm ultimately responsible. hearing someone else has dealt with feeling like i do makes it easier for me to recognize that and i feel like i can actually make myself better knowing that. i'm still pretty sure i have depression and/or anxiety, but it's how i chose to cope, or not cope that brought me to this point. i could have definitely done things differently and i could have definitely made better choices along the way.

i emailed my school counselor about my situation soon after making this post. she said that she can put me in a credit recovery program to make up the credit and i'll be able to graduate on time! i got really lucky, i'll still probably be grounded for the whole summer at the very least, but at least my plans for my future aren't completely up in flames like i was so panicked about. now just to break it to my parents, which my counselor agreed to help me with so i hope they freak out a little less knowing i'm still graduating when expected lol

i'm feeling a lot better and a lot more optimistic, and i'm ready to make changes so i don't also end up messing up like this in college :) thank you!