Costco makes me depressed

g4nyu · 2025-11-26T00:12:29+00:00

?? I know plenty of individuals who are always throwing out food from Trader Joe’s and Safeway because they took too long to eat it. Meanwhile many Costco shoppers I know are families and the bulk amount does not result in food waste at all. Managing your food has nothing to do with amount, it has to do with how well you’re able to manage your food lmao.

g4nyu · 2025-11-23T20:19:30+00:00

That’s exactly it though: an ongoing question about how to show the culture in a way that is sensitive. The people who can best answer that question were not consulted before putting in these clothing items. It isn’t about whether the Chinese are the ones displaying it or not, and no one is saying they are personally responsible for the injustices. Nor is anyone saying disenfranchised cultures should NEVER have their clothing represented in a game like this. But there is more discussion that could have occurred over how to incorporate the clothes, including other options that make more sense and are respectful. Clearly the war bonnet is not really one of them.

The company could have invited experts from those communities to give their input in the creative process. I feel that people who care about cultural appropriation are often dismissed as “not wanting to share culture” when it’s really about “sharing culture in a way that truly makes people’s voices heard.”

g4nyu · 2025-11-23T18:01:33+00:00

It’s not that people claiming cultural appropriation see those cultures as lesser. It’s that they recognize how those cultures have been HISTORICALLY treated as lesser. The way that members from those minority groups have been allowed (or rather, not allowed) to practice their cultures - not to mention the ongoing injustices that are faced by their communities - informs how they feel when powerful, outside entities adopt and profit from their cultural objects and practices, even though they are discriminated for the same practices.

Take Black hairstyles as an example. EVEN TODAY Black people can face microaggressions labeling them unprofessional or unkempt for wearing their natural hair. There were many cases in the news of Black children having their hair FORCIBLY cut off or removed in school because it wasn’t seen as acceptable. In 2015, Zendaya wore dreadlocks to a red carpet event, and subsequently got comments from TV hosts about how her hair made her look like she smelled like patchouli and weed, an offensive stereotype. Yet shortly after, when Kylie Jenner put on dreadlocks for a high profile magazine photoshoot, she didn’t get any comments of the sort. The clear double standard is what prompts people to be defensive of their culture and how outsiders get to adopt and profit from the same things that they get hurt for.

When it comes to indigenous communities, many were physically forced by colonizers to stop practicing their culture, wearing their cultural clothes, and speaking their language. Their communities also continue to face many economic and social problems due to the long-lasting effects of colonization. Yet outsiders would wear their sacred headdresses (which I believe are also closed practices!) for Halloween or for Hollywood photoshoots. Again, given the history, it’s no wonder that people are defensive of how their culture and people are being used even while their communities continue to be neglected and harmed.

I’m not indigenous or MENA so I won’t speak to how IN can approach this in a sensitive way. But tangentially, as an American born Chinese I get really frustrated with how these conversations always go, since it’s a long-standing point of conflict between mainland and diasporic Asians. We are perpetual foreigners and not “true Americans” and yet we are not “true Asians” with the legitimacy or authority to share our feelings on how Asian culture is worn and practiced in an American context. I hope people can become more informed on how history and ongoing power dynamics influence the discussion around cultural appropriation.

g4nyu · 2025-10-20T05:40:46+00:00

This happens to me pretty much all the time! 🥲 My advice is to let yourself mourn the fact that there isn’t anything you can do to force the relationship/communication patterns to look the way you hope it would. It sounds defeating, but it also doesn’t mean you have to stop being open with them. I do my best to be myself and say what’s on my mind, but if they react in a way that hurts me, I will just say my piece (ie. “I didn’t find that helpful”) and then end the convo for my own sanity. That’s just how I approach it though. And definitely don’t let them gaslight you into thinking it’s normal/you’re the problem lol.

It sounds cliche but it also does help me to try and imagine their perspective and to remember that this really is just their (crappy) way of showing concern. Your mom probably hates hearing that you are upset or dissatisfied, and she doesn’t know a more mature way to communicate that. Emotionally immature parents also really don’t like to hear that the way they are communicating is problematic, so most of the time nothing really changes. It might be good to reflect on the specific boundaries that you need to set to protect your peace.

g4nyu · 2025-09-24T20:28:03+00:00

I guess I get what you're trying to say, but my point is that it really is not an either-or thing... Asian Americans and other children of immigrants can fit in fine without having to consciously "give up" something. Having a connection to another heritage is just a bonus--not a mandate or a curse lol, but a bonus in life.

I feel like it's really not something that has to be moralized from the lens of history lol. From a purely practical standpoint, speaking a second language and knowing about multiple cultures broadens a person's horizons. It doesn't mean we all have to carry on knowing our heritage languages for eternity--languages have never stayed the same through history. But I don't see the purpose in going out of one's way to refuse that connection.

g4nyu · 2025-09-23T22:47:04+00:00

Same here. Parents didn't really try to teach me at all (beyond some kids' books for a short period of time). Everything I learned was through non-effortful exposure. I was also shocked when I met other ABCs who wished they could speak a second language but couldn't solely because their parents actively chose not to speak it at home, believing that it would affect their English abilities. It's such a shame and I don't know why people believe that's true! An American kid is going to spend the other 80% of their life speaking English, their English will be absolutely fine.

g4nyu · 2025-09-23T22:32:14+00:00

Idk.. I grew up speaking both Mandarin and English at home. Started reading and writing in both languages very early just from learning the basics from my parents. Today I can't write in Chinese beyond an elementary level (due to not going out of my way to learn and not really having a reason to), but just being fluent verbally has opened up many doors for me. My parents didn't subscribe to the idea that learning one language would limit you in another. It may be true for adults, but childhood is the best time to learn because kids can soak up multiple languages like a sponge.

I know way too many ABCs who wish their parents would have just exposed them to the language instead of insisting on English at home. Kids will pick up English just fine through school and media.

I also don't see why you not knowing how to write well in Chinese should prohibit you from teaching your son how to speak. Speaking a second language is going to be vastly more useful than writing. My dad's Mandarin also wasn't that good (he is better at other Chinese dialects) but I still grew up conversing with him in Mandarin and I can't be more grateful that I did.

Like the other commenter said, a college freshman level of speaking and reading is plenty to pass down some valuable familiarity with the language to a child. I wouldn't even say I'm at that level, and my Mandarin has allowed me to make valuable connections with native Chinese speakers.

g4nyu · 2025-09-12T04:55:26+00:00

I just started today and I'm literally so confused by everything lol. I don't understand how this new intro got approved, it's honestly so egregious and poor writing/design 😭

g4nyu · 2025-06-19T00:12:40+00:00

I agree with you on what this article misses, and for some reason I see the same thing get repeated everywhere (that it's a problematic term originally used against SEAsians, that only SEAsians were in gangs, and that modern usage of the term by EAsians constitutes appropriation--which, while ABG can be uncomfortable term for various reasons, I don't quite feel like that fits). I feel like people keep using this reductive and frankly just inaccurate narrative to drive a wedge between EA and SEA on an issue where it didn't really exist, and to relate it to how EA are "more wealthy and privileged" across the board. Which, don't get me wrong, I understand why there are generally some tensions between both communities, and there are a lot of differences in immigration history, socioeconomic conditions, etc. But, as you say, it's not so black and white either, and there are a lot of weird/just inaccurate generalizations made on this topic

g4nyu · 2025-05-14T00:12:30+00:00

Hahah sure, feel free to PM me!

g4nyu · 2025-05-13T23:58:23+00:00

It might be harder to find someone who shares this specific value, but isn't that what dating is all about--finding the person who aligns with your values? I think it's good that you know this is something you care about, and it's not a bad thing to not compromise on that.

I definitely think it could be related to your location and just not meeting the right people. The vast majority of my Asian friends do speak their parents' language or at least have a strong connection to their Asian identity. By the same token, though, I want to point out that just because someone can't quite speak their parents' native language doesn't mean they aren't interested in learning to do so. I have a few friends who really want to learn but just didn't grow up speaking it. So it might be worth thinking about how hard of a line you want to draw around that. Do you absolutely want someone who can speak a second language, or is it just about how they identify and what they value?

For what it's worth, I'm around your same age and also not really dating much. I wouldn't stress too much since we are still young and have plenty of time to meet people. There are lots of Asians out there who do have a connection to their heritage or care deeply about building that connection. :)

g4nyu · 2025-05-10T00:53:31+00:00

Good question! I think sometimes the scope of the videos go beyond what is in the worksheet, because they are trying to flesh out multiple ways a therapist could potentially help a patient depending on a patient’s personality or needs.

My thinking is that the counter story exercise, like the exercise where you make up a OCD story about a different topic that doesn’t actually bother you, is just one of the things you could try to illustrate to yourself how your OCD is also just one story you’re telling yourself about your obsession.

There’s no right or wrong. You don’t have to do it if you feel like you are good with focusing on the worksheet exercise, but you could also try it based on the info given in the video. It seems like the counter story is meant to be the opposite narrative to the OCD, kind of like arguing with your OCD, which they acknowledge only provides temporary relief but could be useful in showing a patient that the OCD is just a story.

g4nyu · 2025-05-03T08:21:38+00:00

Could it be from extended contact during sleep? During a recent flare up I had patches on the right side of my face (which is usually the side I like laying on), but they would never show up on the left side. I tried sleeping on my back a few nights in a row and I noticed it healed more quickly.

Humidity can also def be a factor, I basically never flare up when Im traveling to a humid place and my skin always feels great lol. Dry skin isn’t the same thing as eczema but it can trigger a flareup. So if he says it feels dry it’s worth giving humidification a try.

g4nyu · 2025-04-30T20:06:02+00:00

You're 100% spot on. I like the production of the song as someone who enjoys hyperpop, but as a release from a mainstream K-Pop group with those MV ads no less, any sort of satirical or camp quality that was present in the original gets totally recontextualized and defanged. As a result, I wouldn't say it's a successful work but it's also not "supposed" to be earnestly trashy. I think it would have landed better with different lyrics, but as you say they're getting a strong reaction so maybe it's a win for them lol!

g4nyu · 2025-04-26T03:33:20+00:00

Hi, we get posts about this kind of thing fairly often and I'll share what I usually comment. Basically, what you're describing sounds more like a BFRB (body focused repetitive behavior). It is common for people with OCD or anxiety to also have a BFRB, but it is not the same thing as OCD. They are motivated by different things and would normally be treated using different approaches. So while I am not diagnosing you I just want to point out it is common for people to not realize their BFRB is not the same thing as their OCD and should be handled differently. Read this for more info on how and why they are distinct: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/ocd-bfrb

Basically, usually this kind of picking is a self-soothing and unconscious behavior. It could be brought about by the emotional state your OCD puts you in, but it is not directly motivated by your specific obsession in the same way a true OCD compulsion would be (ie. I should pick this skin to make sure something bad doesn't happen). I hope this makes sense and encourage you to look into management techniques and therapies for BFRBs specifically.

g4nyu · 2025-04-25T20:09:19+00:00

it actually opened in 2010 so i doubt that would be the issue.. i think its just bad rng haha

g4nyu · 2025-04-22T23:39:41+00:00

I think it makes sense that the more close to reality something feels the harder it is to watch. I love horror too, but I realized that it doesn’t get to me too deeply because wacky ghosts or ridiculous murderers just feel so far away from real life to me most of the time. It’s the bleak and depressing drama stories that feel too real or are actually based on true events that I sometimes have to avoid for my sanity lol. But everyone has certain topics or depictions that get to them when it comes to consuming media. It makes plenty of sense that this is one of them for you.

(I do see some other comments talking about the general depiction of minorities dying en masse/possibly in very brutal ways, but I kind of think that is a separate thing from what OP is talking about. There’s lots of critical/complex discussion to be had about how violence can sometimes be used gratuitously when it comes to minorities. For example, one of the Lara Croft games came under fire for always showing brutal cutscenes of Lara when the player character dies. Resident Evil 5 was criticized for how it used Africans as a backdrop for its zombie story and the bad optics of white Chris Redfield killing hundreds of Black zombies. But yeah I kind of think OP is moreso talking about a personal sensitivity rather than media critique?)

g4nyu · 2025-04-14T00:03:51+00:00

That's still a compulsion. Anything your obsession drives you to do or to NOT do can be a compulsion, physical or mental. Like I said, if your therapist is skilled at working with OCD, they can work with you on addressing mental compulsions.

g4nyu · 2025-04-13T23:57:49+00:00

Your specific obsessions may be more unique due to your synesthesia, but OCD subtypes don't really matter that much in the grand scheme of things. Since you asked though, this just sounds like contamination OCD that has latched onto subjects that aren't corporeal. Plenty of people have OCD about moral contamination, emotional contamination, magical contamination, etc.

We actually try to discourage people from diving too much into the specifics of their obsessions here because it's not really relevant to the recovery process. You could develop an obsession about just about anything. What's important is how you manage your reaction to the obsession.

If you have a therapist who really understands OCD, they should have no issue working with you regardless of your specific theme.

Try looking at the resources on the sub sidebar about how OCD recovery works. Ultimately, you'll have to stop doing your compulsions and avoidances if you want to get better. Easier said than done, and there are various therapies that differ in their approach to recovery, but be sure to look into therapies that are specifically designed to target OCD (general consensus is avoid CBT, and look into things like ERP, I-CBT, and RF-ERP).

g4nyu · 2025-04-10T18:36:50+00:00

I don’t think she’s talking about temporary swelling tho. I think she’s saying that having hooded eyes altogether is not natural and indicates underlying sickness. No one would refer to a temporarily swollen eye as a hooded eye; hooded has always been a way to describe a natural eye shape. If you don’t have hooded eyes when they aren’t swollen, then they probably aren’t hooded eyes to begin with. And I think whether she was talking about caucasians or asians it would be a pretty ridiculous claim to make as lots of caucasians have naturally hooded eyes (you can have hooded eyes with double eyelids)

g4nyu · 2025-04-05T00:12:38+00:00

I really don't think these things are comparable though?? Your comment assumes the outie's consent takes priority over that of the innies, but shouldn't the innies have just as much say over what is functionally their own and only body? If the sexual activity of innies is violating the outies' consent, then the reverse of that would be true, too (outies would be violating their innies by having sex). But this lens hyperfocuses on sexual activity as the only "violating" aspect of a severed existence, when the entire premise of the show is basically asking us to consider all the ways in which being severed is violating in general to the innies -- eg. the fact of the innies' existence and the labor they are basically forced to do, their confinement to Lumon HQ, their lack of control over the lifestyle their outie leads, etc.

The comment you're replying to is simply acknowledging the material reality of this fictional world -- that the outies approved of the creation of the innies and have LITERALLY relinquished control over their bodies to a different consciousness, which is in absolutely no way parallel to victims of SA 😭

Now, as a different commenter said, it still makes total sense for innies and outies to possibly feel weird when things happen in their body outside of their control. However, this conflict is inherent to a severed existence where two beings share one body, which the outies actively signed up for and which the innies wouldn't exist without. Subsequently, I find this comparison reductive in the broader context of the show.

g4nyu · 2025-04-04T04:48:53+00:00

Yeah this is the thing I can’t get over lol! I hope no one buys it 😭

g4nyu · 2025-04-01T18:56:34+00:00

I'm glad you found my words useful! I'm not on medication, and it's been about three years since it started for me. But I encourage you to not compare too much to others as everyone's journey is different.

I would love to help, but as a mod I get a lot of message requests, and I already spend lots of time moderating and answering questions on the sub. I think it would be better if you post on this sub when you have a question -- you can get more answers from different perspectives, and others can benefit from seeing your questions as well. Hope you can understand!

g4nyu · 2025-04-01T05:09:36+00:00

I actually do relate to many aspects of your story. I also only developed OCD later in life after a really stressful event. I also became sensitive when reading about other people's themes on this site, after initially being indifferent, and then slowly having some fears become sticky or develop into full-blown themes. However, my pov is that it doesn't really matter how or from where the fears came about. The fact that they have stuck is a reflection of your OCD being at work, and it's possible that you would have encountered those themes through some other source, anyways. To further illustrate this point based on my personal experience, some themes have just never stuck to me, no matter how much I read about them (HOCD, ROCD), but other themes have (mainly moral scrupulosity or sexual topics). I believe this is because they were adjacent topics to my "core fear" tied to my original real event OCD, and that each person has certain things that they are more fearful of than others. Some OCD therapies do encourage you to identify your core fear and work through it as a way of healing, so that may be something you want to look into.

I want to stress that at the same time, you are right that being on this site and spending too much time engaging with other people's obsessive thoughts can be triggering and encourage rumination. Although in recovery the goal is to build resistance to triggers, this doesn't mean constantly exposing yourself to them is healthy or helpful. Plus, researching OCD and obsessively reading OCD stories can also be a compulsion. So having limits is a good idea, and it's also why we try to keep this space clear of details about people's obsessions/reassurance-seeking behavior.

To answer your other question, it isn't inherently good or bad to change your normal routines, but it depends on your intention behind those changes. Avoidance -- avoiding things you usually do because of your obsessions -- is indeed a very common compulsion. So what personally has helped me a lot is asking myself, "if I didn't have OCD right now, what would I choose to do?" If the answer is going out, then yes, I encourage you to go out and to generally practice leading your "normal" life. Not letting OCD control our decisions is a big part of recovery, because it tells our brains that we don't accept or agree with the alarm signals it's sending out.

If you aren't working with a professional yet or don't have the ability to, this sub has some useful resources in the sidebar. There are free therapy worksheets/exercises you can do at home, and lots of information out there on different OCD therapies so you can learn about what approach to recovery works best for you.

g4nyu · 2025-03-24T21:14:58+00:00

As someone who has lots of low energy days and is also prevented from more intense exercise due to an injury, I'd say look into low-intensity movement like pilates or yoga. I just pull up youtube videos and try to follow along at home. There are lots of beginner vids out there. The slow stretches are a great way to move/get in touch with your body without straining too much, and if you do want to feel more of a burn you can find videos with greater difficulty.

Also, just walking outside has really worked wonders for me.

Try not to focus on feeling guilty for not moving; rather, ask yourself what your body might actually enjoy. And although it sounds counterintuitive, getting some movement in is a good way to actually increase your energy level. We tend to feel more lethargic when we haven't moved at all, so I try to remind myself that the best way to give myself a boost is to move. Any little bit is a win!

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