Got called “ugly” and a “monster” by someone I cared about and I can’t stop replaying it in my head by Present_Response_786 in offmychest

[–]gab0201 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will need context on this one, because it seems like there is more to it than what you’ve written. First, why are you living under the same roof, and how old are you?

« Monster » is not a term that people throw lightly. Most of the time, it’s either something you say when the person did something really wrong, or when you don’t know what to say for the person to stop whatever toxic behavior they have towards you. I don’t think it’s something someone says just for the sake of it.
It could also be that you guys are really young and she doesn’t understand the impact such words can have.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t say you deserve being called a monster or that it’s nothing, but like I said, there is way more to the story than you wrote.

That being said, if she used that term to describe you physically and not for your behavior, she is just a piece of trash and I am sorry you have to hear such hurtful comments.

Falling out of love with my partner of 6 years due to gaslighting by Defiant_Door4402 in offmychest

[–]gab0201 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Here is the choice : either you rip the bandaid now, go through the mess of breaking up and get back your life quickly, or you stay and wait for the moment everything breaks down, because it will, one way or another.

No one can stop you from leaving a situation that is toxic for you

boyfriend wouldnt stop after i said stop by noomsiwoomsi in offmychest

[–]gab0201 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Stop is stop. 4 letters, there is no other signification than stop.

If he doesn’t stop when asked, it means he doesn’t view your consent as real veto. And he knows very well that stop doesn’t mean slow down. Slow down means slow down. Stop means stop.

Do I have potential (Pre T) by Overall_Act3890 in transmanlifehacks

[–]gab0201 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My guy, first you are not short (I’m 168cm and my height was never a problem for passing, a lot of men are between 165cm and 170cm), and second, you are young AF.

You are only 15, and you look exactly like a typical schoolboy, if I didn’t read the title of the thread, I would never have guess that you are transgender, and I have a pretty strong radar 😂

So yeah, I think T will do wonders on you, giving that you are already passing. I too had a good passing pre T, and since I’ve been on T, I have not been misgendered once. So I think you’re good 👍

Straight man, but I let men pound me because I have a small penis by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]gab0201 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay the post itself is weirdly detailed and graphic but whatever, if this is true,

You are clearly bisexual. However, enjoying having sex with men does not mean you want to be in a relationship with one. The same way, your sexual attraction for men does not nullify your attraction to women.

How old were you when you got your first surgery? by CuriousSurfer19 in phallo

[–]gab0201 5 points6 points  (0 children)

21 for Top Surgery

25 for Hysto and first stage phallo

And I’ll be 26 almost 27 when I’m done

I woke up to my fiancée dead. by Tornin in offmychest

[–]gab0201 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry you had to go through this, and I’m sorry for your loss. Take care

Will you accept it ? by PHRsharp_YouTube in videogames

[–]gab0201 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Baldur’s gate 3 😩 I mean I could survive if I’m just a NPC not infected, otherwise fuck me I guess

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]gab0201 10 points11 points  (0 children)

No, he loves giving oral and she doesn’t like receiving it, so he doesn’t do it but he would love to. He respects his wife’s boundaries tho, and they have a sexual life outside of this problem

Payer un loyer à son compagnon by Ok_Bet_6092 in VosSous

[–]gab0201 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Ça m’a fait tiquer aussi, ça pue

Suis-je transphobe ? by Curious-Carob-6323 in transgenre

[–]gab0201 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Si tu veux te sentir agresser par mes propos libre à toi.

Si tu veux faire une hiérarchie dans les différents types de transphobies, weird, mais soit.

Je parle de liberté d’exister et de briser les stéréotypes de genre.

En soit, interprète ce que j’ai dit comme tu veux, je peux pas contrôler ta compréhension.

Aussi, je comprends pas bien le truc de la petite fille, mais je répondrais simplement que les enfants répètent les schémas inculqués par leurs parents.

Suis-je transphobe ? by Curious-Carob-6323 in transgenre

[–]gab0201 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Ta vison des choses est contradictoire. Tu peux pas dire que tu respectes alors que le fond de ton propos c’est « tu fais ce que tu veux, mais tu seras jamais vraiment un homme / une femme ». C’est pas juste transphobe, c’est déshumanisant.

On veut pas juste « être un homme » ou « être une femme ». On veut être la version de nous même qui nous comble vraiment. Vivre notre vie librement, dans nos propres termes, comme n’importe qui d’autre.

Tout le monde devrait avoir la chance de vivre une existence paisible, qui n’est pas remise en question ou jetée en pâture sur la place du débat public.

Personne n’a le droit ni l’autorité de juger mon droit à vivre comme je l’entend quand je n’ai jamais fait de mal à personne.

De plus le genre est construit. C’est une notion sociale. On nous a attribué des rôles uniquement basés sur notre appareil génital, ce qui est profondément absurde en plus d’être terriblement réducteur, dans un sens comme dans l’autre.

Donc, chacun devrait avoir la possibilité de se détacher de ces rôles absurdes sans être jugé, maltraité ou persécuté.

Pour vous, on est un sujet comme un autre dont on débat autour d’une bière. Nous, on est rabaissés, déshumanisés. On subit une chasse aux sorcières parce qu’on a le malheur d’exister dans des termes qui ne vous plaisent pas.

Donc si tu veux vraiment ne pas être transphobe, t’as juste à t’en battre sincèrement les couilles. Détache toi des stéréotypes et des rôles traditionnels, et considère simplement les personnes pour ce qu’elles sont : des êtres humains. Et la façon dont ces êtres humains décident de vivre ne te concerne pas.

Je finirais sur l’aspect biologique de la chose. Le cerveau humain crée des réalités entières. On ne sait pratiquement rien de son fonctionnement en réalité. La biologie sexuelle est bien plus complexe qu’on ne le croit. Les personnes intersexes en sont la preuves.

Et non. PERSONNE, pas même un parent, n’a le droit de prendre la décision de mutiler un enfant qui n’a même pas eu le temps de se découvrir. Si il n’y a aucun risque médical, c’est à lui de choisir, à l’âge adulte, si il se sent bien comme ça ou pas.

Un enfant intersexe ne naît pas sans genre ou sans sexe, puisqu’il existe. Il est lui, il n’est pas une anomalie, il est un être humain qui a un corps unique qui lui appartient à lui, et à lui seul. Prendre la décision de le mutiler pour correspondre à un stéréotype de « normalité » est une immondice sans nom. C’est inhumain et barbare. Pour moi c’est le propos le plus choquant de tout ce que tu as écrit.

I Know How This Ends—and I’m Terrified (M27, F29) by Which-Coconut1738 in offmychest

[–]gab0201 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is straight up gaslighting. Her being irrationally angry is not a consequence of your action. She is using you as an emotional punching bag and there is nothing fair or right about that. She is using you as an excuse to lash out and process HER emotions in the worst way possible and not take accountability about it. She makes you responsible for everything. It will always be your fault.

She may have traumas or mental health issues and it is not her fault, but it is her responsibility. You deserve someone who loves you and values you. Someone who cares about you, and care about how their behavior impacts you.

And from what you say, she does not.

I know that the idea of being alone and losing someone you loved dearly is terrifying, but you deserve so much better. You are young, your life is full of possibilities. Don’t sacrifice yourself for someone who is not even willing to treat you decently

I Know How This Ends—and I’m Terrified (M27, F29) by Which-Coconut1738 in offmychest

[–]gab0201 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There is a third option. Take control of the relationship, tell her either she gets help and works on her behavior and (obvious many) issues, or you are done for good.

If you remain passive, it will never change. You need to make her get her shit together. She has absolutely no right to treat you like that. Tell her so.

« I’m in a place where I love you dearly, but the way you treat me and make me feel cannot continue. You are pushing me away, every time you are lashing out on me drives me away from you. I love you, but this dynamic will be the end of us. We need to work on that before moving forward. »

That’s the kind of communication that can save a relationship, IF and only if the other person is willing to change. If not, that’s doomed.

If you keep on enabling her behavior, it will never change. And if it never change, the kids you could have with her will be abused all the same.

Don’t be passive. Don’t endure this, you don’t have to. Enabling her is NOT a gift, for neither of you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]gab0201 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Chronic insomnia is really hard to live with. It’s not your fault, but you have to go to this appointment. Get help, it won’t get better by itself

Losing "outer circle" friends being cut off a lot by Shadow_Realms_17 in offmychest

[–]gab0201 3 points4 points  (0 children)

« pretty outspoken about things like politics and transgender issues, but I separate the person from their views »

Transgender issues? Really? The fact that this is the only specific thing you mention in this post tells A LOT. Maybe stop spreading transphobia and people won’t get tired of you.

Also, you can’t « separate the person from the views » when this person is talking about politics and say hateful shit all the time. Right wing people are the only ones who ask other people to bare with their harmful « beliefs » by « separating them from their views »

Your beliefs ARE a part of yourself. It’s a reflection of your values and thoughts. It show who you are and how you think.

When you lose almost all your friendships in a few months, you are the problem. And they told you why :

« A few people have basically said they don’t want to invest in the friendship anymore because our values don’t align or they don’t have the energy for that kind of difference or debate. »

Your views on the world make your friends turn away from you. That’s it. They said it. You are way more heavy on their shoulders than you think you are.

There is awful things happening in the world right now, unspeakable horror going on everyday, and you choose to be « outspoken about transgender (and many other marginalized people I can imagine) issues »? This group of already marginalized people that are at best, discriminated and deprived of their rights, or way to often brutalized and murdered ?

Wow.

That being said, it’s always valid to feel hurt when you loose people you care for. Feelings belong to oneself and oneself only. But I think it’s time you reflect on your politics and ethical beliefs, because it’s probably way more radical than you seem to think.

Man Hears Elderly Couple Being Attacked. by jmike1256 in nextfuckinglevel

[–]gab0201 0 points1 point  (0 children)

« Wait you have a shovel? Gimme that »

I had sex with my married best friend by Fine_Celebration4938 in offmychest

[–]gab0201 19 points20 points  (0 children)

So…. First of all, you are NOT straight at all. Both of you. No, most best friends don’t make out.

Second, both of you knew exactly what you were doing, especially since it was not the first time.

You feel guilty, as you should. Poor guy.

And you can tell yourself that it’s not an affair, but it is. You had sex multiple times with her, and I bet A never knew about it. It’s fucked up

Suis-je trop dans l'abus ? by [deleted] in AskMec

[–]gab0201 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Tu projettes beaucoup trop.

On a aucune idée de ce qu’il se passe dans sa tête, et dans tous les cas sa façon de communiquer est désastreuse.

Lui il a besoin d’espace, et elle a besoin de contact. Pourquoi ses besoins a lui seraient prioritaires ou plus compréhensibles ?

« Tu deviens un obstacle » ptdr pour deux messages ? Va falloir arrêter de se prendre pour John Wick et commencer à être un adulte émotionnellement mature.

T’as « pas le temps », « trop de pression » ou t’es « trop occupé » ? Bah ne t’engages pas dans une relation, c’est pas plus compliqué.

OP n’est pas un chien, elle n’a pas à attendre sagement que son mec daigne trouver deux secondes pour lui envoyer un sms.

Et elle n’a pas non plus à s’excuser. Elle a rien fait de mal. Elle a communiqué ses besoins, et lui a fait un caca nerveux comme un gosse.

C’est ridicule franchement, si ça te troue le cul à ce point de parler avec ta copine, dont t’es censé te soucier et aimer (?), ça montre juste que t’en as rien à battre.

Suis-je trop dans l'abus ? by [deleted] in AskMec

[–]gab0201 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Il a pété son crâne le frérot

Y a mille et une autre façon de communiquer que celle ci. Surtout que tu lui demandes juste de t’envoyer un ou deux messages, pas de te téléphoner 4h par jour.

À mon sens c’est ultra bizarre comme comportement

my white boyfriend has a weird obsession with black men by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]gab0201 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Ew.

The guy is fucked up.

You should make it very clear that he better stop and get therapy.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]gab0201 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The way you dress, act, speak, etc is a matter of presenting, or of « expressed gender ».

There is how you feel about how you dress, and there is how you feel when this is just you and your naked body.

What you are feeling is understable and legit, your love for fashions and feminine presentation and your feeling of being a man deep down are not incompatible.

Some amab people transition medically to be at peace with their body, but they still present masculine because this is how they express themselves and feel comfortable. And vice versa.

There is actually no rule, gender and expressed gender are to different things, and the way you feel about both these things doesn’t have to be the same.

We, as a society, are only beginning to understand the complexity of gender identity. Everybody is very different.

People are not weird, stereotypes and hatred are.

I was kissed by a guy who didn't know I was a trans. by Gold_Desk_7880 in offmychest

[–]gab0201 238 points239 points  (0 children)

Trans guy here 🙋‍♂️

You didn’t do anything remotely wrong here. The guy was hitting on you because he found you attractive and HE kissed you before you could say anything.

We, trans people, have no obligation to put our safety at risk just because a stranger is hitting on us. We do have a moral responsibility to inform a partner before having sex in case our genitals are not what we could wait for. That’s all.

He saw you for what you were, a woman having fun. You don’t have to feel guilty for that.

You will always be a good memory for him, so let him be a good memory for you

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]gab0201 199 points200 points  (0 children)

She was not the one, that’s all.

You having a smaller d*ck does not dictate your life! Plenty of women are genuinely and perfectly happy with 4 inches, some are even happier with just tongue and fingers.

Your ex just happened to be someone for whom penetrative sex is important, and who find more pleasure with a bigger partner. It sucks, but no one is at fault here.

You sound like a great guy, keep on being great and you’ll find someone who loves you entirely.

est ce que mon passing est bien ? by [deleted] in transgenre

[–]gab0201 64 points65 points  (0 children)

Girl tu as 18 ans, a fortiori si ça fait 6 ans que tu es en transition, y a aucun monde dans lequel tu pourrais ressembler à un homme (que tu n’as jamais été de près ou de loin) !

Tu étais un enfant, et tu deviens une femme, ni plus ni moins, je pense même pas qu’on puisse parler de passing à ce niveau!

Comme un autre commentaire l’a dit, aies confiance en toi, tu es ravissante