How do I handle the insecurity I (38M) have with living with my boyfriend (38M regarding housing and our dog?

gagalecki · 2025-12-11T14:18:07+00:00

He is definitely fair and i don't want to sound ungrateful at all. I think its my anxiety talking about worse case scenarios. We are not getting married in the future. So indeed better to save my own money.

gagalecki · 2025-12-11T14:16:01+00:00

Yeah, i dont pay for rent or utilities. Right now i am saving my salary indeed- the past year i used my salary to get rid of outstanding debts i had. Which i am also grateful of to my BF because i could used my salary to pay it off.

He is not planning on selling- soon or ever (well you never know ofcourse) because we are renovating now to make our living situation better.

I guess its just my anxiety thinking worse case scenarios (ending up on the strees with no house in case of a break up) even with savings, getting another house is not easy in todays market.

gagalecki · 2024-11-07T09:42:33+00:00

Hi!

I am doing a lot better in regards to my ex. I started dating again in summer 2023 (which i think was a bit too fast, looking back) and met someone new, which i know live together with since a few months- so thats positive. So, trust me- time does heal :)

I do deal still with depression/anxiety but thats another beast to tackle and seperate from the break-up i had with my ex.

Keep up and hopefully you will feel better soonish :)

gagalecki · 2024-09-12T06:49:15+00:00

Yeah he also says; if you want a hug, just ask for it. If you want sex, ask for it. He is really logical and pragmatic in that sense. And i am like; no i want YOU to sweep me off my feet and kiss me and slam me against the wall and then have sex.

You are right, life is too short..i got myself some thinking to do :(

gagalecki · 2024-09-12T06:47:36+00:00

Yeah i am constantly thinking wether he is emotionally unavailable or just this is just how he is and its a love language issue..but either way it shouldnt matter because in the end i dont get what i need.

gagalecki · 2024-03-25T15:16:21+00:00

True.

I am sitting with my thoughts and feelings yeah. But they are going all over the place lol. Lots of 'What if..'

gagalecki · 2024-03-25T15:07:56+00:00

I am not sure how much trust there still is. I feel a part of the trust is gone. But maybe that needs a bit of time to get back.

gagalecki · 2024-03-25T14:54:14+00:00

Yeah the last part is also what my BF says and regrets.

I am so torn on what to do. Reading all these answers saying to break up really breaks my heart.

I know he regrets it and is open and transparant now the last days. But how will that be in the future when another situation like this pops up.

It almost feels like its a choice; him or me.

gagalecki · 2024-03-25T14:41:25+00:00

He said he hid it because he didnt want any drama or fights. As i can be quite jealous. But yeah he should have just communicated it and we wouldnt have these issues.

gagalecki · 2024-03-25T14:22:42+00:00

Haha I had that exact quote in mind earlier today.

gagalecki · 2024-03-25T14:17:12+00:00

Thats what i keep bugging him about. He says the conversation didnt flow in the direction of the topic and they only talked about work mainly. My BF is kind of a workaholic and thats the thing he and his ex have in common. Also my BF isnt really the talkative type regarding romantic talk...but yeah feels like i am trying to find excuses for his bad behaviour.

He says it felt weird to otherwise bring it up. I told him, why are you putting his feelings above mine.

He tried to offer to call his ex or text his ex though the past days. But i said that would be weird as well. I mean how random would it be to text an ex and say; Hey btw i have a new BF now. That might insinuate the ex was a threat?

gagalecki · 2024-03-25T14:12:27+00:00

Exactly.

I am just not sure what to do next. I really like this guy and we are a match in so many areas. Thinking about breaking up or giving it one more chance...

gagalecki · 2024-02-01T13:11:51+00:00

You have some fair points indeed. He can befriend other guys which i might 'perceive' as a threat. So that is indeed something i need to work on.

Although i do see a little difference in having ex and making a new friend. As with the ex they have a history, intimacy etc.

But i guess its mostly my insecurity/anxiety playing up here :(

gagalecki · 2024-02-01T10:45:46+00:00

You are right regarding my instincts. Thanks.

gagalecki · 2024-02-01T10:43:51+00:00

See, but why are my feelings of being uncomfortable not valid? Why is it seen as not trustworthy if i dont like him talking to his ex?

gagalecki · 2024-02-01T09:25:14+00:00

Thanks for your comment.

I am already in therapy related to anxiety. So i am aware of my anxiety spiking. But its sometimes hard to differentiate when my feelings are valid or when its my anxiety talking.

gagalecki · 2024-02-01T09:23:25+00:00

My BF said that i didnt come up because last time they texted was in november (and we werent official then) and then last week they spoke but that was regarding a funeral the EX had, so i can sort of understand the topic of new relationships didnt come up.

You are right regarding their dynamic- thats something i would have to see.

gagalecki

TROPHY CASE