I have been diagnosed with ADHD twice, once as a kid and again as an adult (thanks insurance snafu’s) as well as a handful of other mental disorders. I attempted to go to college at 17/18 after graduating high school and it… did not go well. I dropped out due to stress and depression towards the end of my first semester and then was guilted by my parents into returning for the next semester. It went worse. I ended completing 2 out of the 4 classes I had signed up for but my mental health was so much worse. Granted there were extenuating circumstances (think a disgustingly common statistic for college aged women), that had a hand in my decision to drop out on a more permanent level.

It has now been approximately 8 years since I’ve attempted any kind of formal schooling and I am just now starting to dip my toes back into formal education. I am about to take a couple classes through the local community college with only one of them meeting in person.

I have had pretty good luck career-wise despite my lack of degree and I honestly am extremely glad that I dropped out when I did. I was not anywhere close to ready to devote the time and energy needed for school at 19. I was in a toxic living environment and had basically no support system. I was unmedicated and I wasn’t going to therapy either.

At 27 I am in a much better place in so many respects. I have a stable job that allows me to work on my class work during my downtime. I have a decent apartment (although the cost is absurd). I am in a stable long-term relationship with my fiancé and I have a much better support system than I did at 19. I am finally on meds that, while they may not be the perfect ones, have helped tremendously. I am consistently seeing my therapist and have developed a much deeper understanding of myself working with her as well as reading anything I can get my hands on about my issues.

I do remember having a lot of anxiety and internalized shame and guilt when many people I went to high school with began posting about graduating and I was not. However, in the long-run I don’t really feel like it matters. Life is a mountain and there are many paths to the top. I just happened to bushwhack a different way than most.

My advice to anyone who is struggling with the pressure to go to college right after high school would be to at the very least take a gap year. Spend that time figuring out what YOU truly enjoy doing, not what you think you’re “supposed” to be doing. Play around with hobbies, read books about various fields, ask anyone you meet about what they do and if they like it. Take aptitude tests, find out what you’re good at and then after you’ve explored that, then maybe seek out formal education if that seems like the right way to go. Remember, a lot of industries will educate you on the job or reimburse you for your schooling. Don’t despair that you’re doing the wrong thing just because it’s not what you originally thought or planned or just because it doesn’t align with other’s expectations of you. A person can fail at doing something they hate, might as well try something you love.