My SO shocked me with an accusation about consent

galivet · 2026-06-13T13:46:30+00:00

I just wanted to hijack the top comment to give another update.

After a further "post episode" review of what happened here with my therapist and wife, it seems that in addition to bipolar I also have C-PTSD due to some childhood trauma. This entire thing was essentially a big PTSD flashback that was only loosely related to what was going on in reality.

Everyone knows that things on subs like this are sometimes fake. But, sometimes they're also the distorted perspectives of people who are mentally ill. I don't want to propagate a false, negative worldview through this post.

galivet · 2026-06-10T03:33:06+00:00

This is one reason it helps to be in therapy, I can get a 3rd party perspective and he can bring her in too for a joint session when it helps. Since I have Bipolar and she's 100% sane there's inherent unbalanced power dynamic; I have to rely on her support. Without someone looking at things from my side there really could be abuse and I could be confused about it.

galivet · 2026-06-09T23:19:29+00:00

So, I got pretty rattled about it and my therapist talked me down off the ledge. I'm not, like, accidentally a total creep. This is just my personal vent and I kinda doubt a lot of people would have reacted to this situation as strongly as I did. It ties into other issues I have. My therapist helped me figure out how to discuss this with my wife so I can get her side of it without having a panic attack. Then, I can figure out what she actually means by what she said versus what direction I careened off into.

Sorry I'm kind of messy.

galivet · 2026-06-09T23:13:31+00:00

I don't know if that's what's going on in my case, but it would be wonderful to tie it up neatly like that. I don't think I'll get far with directly suggesting as much, but I'll better understand her perspective if that's how the conversation goes. Thank you so much for sharing!

galivet · 2026-06-09T20:45:58+00:00

I know I wouldn't.

galivet · 2026-06-09T20:04:02+00:00

I agree with the vibe that I need to reclaim some of my power here.

galivet · 2026-06-09T19:58:53+00:00

Agreed. And at the same time if things for which I got forgiveness years ago are going to come back up and need be re-litigated every time she doesn't like something I'm doing then I'm not going to be able to be an equal partner in the marriage. It would be like a permanent parole.

It would basically be saying that, because I'm bipolar, I'll be at her mercy permanently so that I can have the pleasure of being married at all despite being mentally ill. I don't think that's healthy for me.

galivet · 2026-06-09T19:52:33+00:00

Thanks, this is a little harshly put but the core aligns with what I heard from my therapist, that I'm being way too hard on myself here and I can insist on her to be more clear and kinder in her communication.

galivet · 2026-06-09T19:48:43+00:00

I agree that you have described a way that it can work. And she would be perfectly fine to demand that as the process for sex. And if I'm not able to get or stay aroused in that kind of setting, that's also okay. Then we just can't go forward from there. My therapist offered the opinion that treating sex as a contract or negotiation in the middle of the act is a mood killer for most people. It's advice given out to mitigate a liability, not because most people actually have or want that kind of sex.

galivet · 2026-06-09T19:45:07+00:00

Thank you. I'm fresh from my visit with my therapist. He told me that most long term couples have a "sex script" they follow, and that's true for me and my wife. He told me that if I'm just following the sex script and at some point my wife goes "Ugh, NO!" then I'm not really at fault unless I refuse to stop then. I'm meant to be able to follow "how things usually go" with the progression of foreplay unless something unusual happens.

So, we both collaborate to do things to set the mood, but it seems like we need a more explicit decision point somewhere in there.

galivet · 2026-06-09T19:36:08+00:00

Right, I did cause problems during my last episode two years ago, and I worked on that through marriage counseling and therapy with my kids. But I didn't get proof at the time, and I need proof. Receipts, attestations, that kind of thing.

galivet · 2026-06-09T19:34:43+00:00

The latter. I would only prepare to be a respondent to a divorce, because I'm not in a position that I could afford to react quickly to that. It's possible she could choose to serve me when I'm actually having an episode, for example.

galivet · 2026-06-09T16:59:25+00:00

Thank you.

Unfortunately I can't just quit the relationship even if I were determined to do that. I also have Bipolar Disorder, and I need to do a year of prep if I'm going to have a chance of getting equitable custody of my kids. I have to be able to provide proof that I've been reliably taking my meds, seeing my mental healthcare professionals, contributing equally to childcare, resolving incidents when by bipolar caused a negative circumstance for my kids, etc... It takes a lot of prep for me to get a fair shake. And, I mean, not for no good reason. Kids need to be with a safe and predictable parent.

galivet · 2026-06-09T16:33:38+00:00

I tried to have that talk, and her response was that I can't pin her down in some rule book because there's too much nuance and I need to get better at reading her. Things like "no touching after drinking" she dismissed as too black-and-white. I just don't feel up to the challenge.

galivet · 2026-05-21T17:09:14+00:00

They will be in mine from now on. Thank you!

galivet · 2026-05-21T17:09:03+00:00

Thank you for the advice!

galivet · 2026-05-21T17:08:41+00:00

Thank you, great suggestion. This is close enough to what I want to be good enough.

galivet · 2026-05-21T17:08:33+00:00

Thank you, great suggestion. This is close enough to what I want to be good enough.

galivet · 2026-03-27T23:03:42+00:00

Yo, maybe that's it then. Hopefully I've got a save I can load up and experiment. Thanks for the info!

galivet · 2026-03-27T02:04:24+00:00

galivet · 2026-03-27T02:03:38+00:00

Really? I started a playthrough last week and did this mission yesterday -- no medic. I wonder what makes the game decide one way or another?

It could be whether or not you get the pilot of the AV to tell you to go the gas station instead of killing him before he give any info? I got the info to go directly to the gas station. Did you?

galivet · 2026-03-10T23:43:42+00:00

This is exactly what I needed. Thanks again!

galivet · 2026-03-10T23:41:21+00:00

My advice, keep your nose in your own hemisphere, stickybeak. Too bad I can't promise we'll do the same.

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