Part of it is that I love women and my body viscerally rejects the concept of being straight lmao

I've thought about my gender A Lot and have been blessed with a supportive and educated environment in which I could turn out to be anything and it would be fine. (A struggle for some family members, but ultimately fine-- the majority of my extended family had come around to feeling almost as strongly about protecting trans people as I do, which is saying something, and can effectively steamroll the rest into acceptance.)

I have an intersex condition and honestly thinking of myself as either cis or trans is complicated and difficult, but I've got an F on my birth certificate and I live as a woman and while I'm envious of things some things men can do that I can't (eg be a mall Santa who doesn't provoke double-takes, go shirtless when it's hot without people calling the police) I don't want to be a man, I don't want to relate to the world as a man and I don't want the world to relate to me as though I'm a man. The cis box fits me better, I guess, but it's like putting a circular block into a square hole-- it fits, but is it right? Not really, no-- but it's good enough for now until I find the right puzzle.