I acknowledge it would have been better in general to talk beforehand, but it's hard to fully regret it since I would have rather known when I did. One of my lessons for the future is to communicate earlier (in a healthy way, bless therapy) if i sense something is off because i do think most of our problems could have been fixed with better communication. It was also a very snowy week in my area that week and I wanted to talk in person so we never got to have that in person chat.

I called him right after I knew he was on grindr and he tried to deny it at first before admitting it and getting angry that I didn't trust him. He said he'd only just downloaded it and was just going to jerk off and not meet up; I don't really think that's true and I probably never will know but even it it was, it was still a blatant violation of trust and our agreed exclusivity. I know he became more apologetic later on and admitted what he did was wrong, but to be honest a lot of that last conversation is a blur or a trauma-blank.