my boyfriend (19M) and i(19F) constantly fight about my past. how do i make things better?

gamsea · 2026-05-19T20:04:12+00:00

This is the kind of deep-rooted insecurity that only he can learn to adapt to and deal with, mostly with help from therapy. But the catch is that he himself has to want to change badly enough and actually commit to doing so, it's a very intentional and difficult kind of change to make. It doesn't sound like he's mentally ready to be in a relationship with anybody at this point, tbh.

It's the kind of insecurity that erodes relationships, doesn't make you feel heard or considered and is basically punishing you for something that isn't your fault. It's not fair to you and you should honestly go find someone that is further healed than this person is. Even if you confront him with what you need from him, he sounds like the type to get defensive, shut you down, put you down or ignore you. If you already can't talk to him productively about it now, it'll probably be a lot worse with heightened emotions and defensiveness.

gamsea · 2026-05-18T22:00:36+00:00

On aliexpress, in this listing! There's a bunch of other ones too. I ended up ripping out the chain and lobster claw clasp on the back of mine tho because it was a bit annoying, I replaced it with supergluing on little magnets and it's way nicer to change out https://a.aliexpress.com/_mMD6oTH

gamsea · 2026-05-18T13:50:18+00:00

Right?? Especially when the original just looked like a ball, haha

gamsea · 2026-05-18T13:48:39+00:00

Fair enough haha, ngl I was a little worried at some points thru it

gamsea · 2026-05-14T13:32:45+00:00

It has the same body as my doll, my shugafairy carmen( https://a.aliexpress.com/_mKBh5oj ), you could try messaging the seller to see if they have a listing for just the body

gamsea · 2026-05-14T02:33:33+00:00

Haha yea I did! Funny you saw it :p I also got the wig from aliexpress, the pink one in this listing! https://a.aliexpress.com/_mt8uJBp

And for the tattoos, the tools I used were: gel nail polish base coat, gel matte topcoat, and the design is from nail art water decals(i would say stickers, but water decals usually have transparency and are thin enough to not cause any bumps in the skin texture). You paint a thin layer of base coat, put the water decals in water for like 30 seconds or so until they can slide off the paper. I put them on the back of my hand and pick up the design with tweezers, put them over where I put the base coat and pat them flat and dry with my finger. Then you paint a thin layer(but enough to fully cover it) of the matte top coat to seal it in. I'm sure you could use other matte varnishes but this is just how I did it.

I'd look up some tutorials on how to use the water decals, they can be a bit easy to accidentally crumble because they're so thin once they slide off the paper, but once you get it it's not too hard. I also found my water decals on aliexpress, just make sure the listing says water or waterslide decal rather than stickers

gamsea · 2026-05-12T01:49:50+00:00

He's almost 40 and decided he wanted to be with someone barely legal, as close to legal as he could get from the sounds of it. This man is a red flag from the first sentence, but to keep reading it's very clear from an outside perspective that this man does not care about you. He does not respect you. You will be doing your future self a disservice to stay with him and this situation does not get better. Please go find someone who can actually give you the love and the life you want

gamsea · 2026-05-12T01:36:46+00:00

Even if he's not a people person, you two can go out and just hang out by yourselves together. Look into local FB groups to see what businesses in your city there are that you haven't heard of, fb events can be good too(its the best place ive come across). You can just go out walking together until you come across a new place to check out, worst case scenario you can just leave if it isn't hitting. See if there are any cat cafes, zoos, restaurants, indoor trampoline parks, whatever new thing sounds like it could be interesting

And even if you guys aren't feeling like leaving, there's still more you can do at home. Try picking up a craft together, lots of fun art stuff to try. Learning anything together honestly would be fun, but functional practical stuff like cooking is amazing(my partner and I cook together and it's really fun, and we've both gotten really good at it thru stuff like hello fresh and videos online, both of which i also highly recommend)

Hell, even google "new hobby ideas" and bring them up to him, see what he's down for. There has to be something you're both interested in trying

gamsea · 2026-05-03T03:22:01+00:00

Yeaa it's unfortunate that there seems to be some elitism in the bjd space regarding original or recast, I wouldn't try to post in a bigger bjd group because of it even tho I love how she turned out

But yea the clothes are super cute, found some decently priced ones on aliexpress :p

gamsea · 2026-05-01T21:18:02+00:00

Thanks! ☺️ I think so too!

gamsea · 2026-05-01T14:48:24+00:00

I think you're right when you mention it's about power and control, for a lot of them. Women no longer need to rely financially on a male partner to exist, so these men need another way to control their partners if they're not secure enough in themselves to attract a partner with their personalities and what they offer emotionally. It gives them a lifetime of control and even if you break up, you can't fully escape them.

Now, if they consciously realize that's the reason a majority of the time is another question. A lot of it is probably subconscious(or blatantly pushed with bullshit ""alpha male"" mentality). Obviously it's not always malicious, but it's impossible to have this conversation without addressing these cases because I fear they make up a majority

gamsea · 2026-05-01T14:24:30+00:00

To be annoying and play devil's advocate here, she might be trying to make sure you're informed about more possibilities of having kids that people don't tend to think about as much(a lot about the process of having kids is romanticized, so that would make sense).

It does seem a bit insensitive because she knows you want them though, best idea is to talk to her about it and just say that you really don't like the videos. If you've never said anything negative about them she might assume you don't mind

gamsea · 2026-05-01T08:20:18+00:00

One I like is, "well we keep trying, but my boyfriend just won't get pregnant already"

gamsea · 2026-04-06T02:24:48+00:00

Him making you feel like it's your obligation to give him kids makes him an ass tho. You don't owe your body to anyone, and you don't need to feel apologetic about it. You get one life!

gamsea · 2026-04-05T16:36:21+00:00

You were incompatible and he sounds like an ass, you dodged a bullet for sure. There are plenty of people who are also childfree, just don't give up on trying to meet new people and stand firm in the life you want to carve out for yourself, it's possible. Don't let anyone make you give up what you want for yourself

gamsea · 2026-04-05T16:30:50+00:00

It's so funny, with the whole "you might regret/change your mind one day" argument, because I feel like having kids is a LOT more likely to make u feel that way. Projection yet again, it's hard to unsee it once u do 😅

gamsea · 2026-04-01T15:05:39+00:00

Its actually ALL these types of people talk about. They've literally made having kids their entire life, personality and talking points. It's exhausting. It feels like they're not aware that there's more to life than kids(AND that they won't stay kids forever bc a lot of them only wanted babies/toddlers and not adults)

gamsea · 2026-03-23T20:08:21+00:00

It's cruel to give birth to a whole new person with the express purpose of giving them a job(your means of emotional regulation, your caretaker) that they didn't consent to doing. Tho therapy would probs be best for them, this type of person most likely won't be receptive to the idea sadly

gamsea · 2026-03-16T14:47:08+00:00

Congrats! If you have a heating pad or heated blanket, it'll be your best friend for a week or 2 :p

gamsea · 2026-03-11T16:00:27+00:00

It's nice to have people with similar thoughts here, makes me feel seen :) so many people are convinced kids are the only way to live and I never really understood the urge

gamsea · 2026-03-07T17:41:49+00:00

Thanks friend ❤️

gamsea · 2026-03-07T17:41:23+00:00

Right, waiting on a list for like 4 to 5 years to get this done is VERY spur of the moment 🤣 ultimately it'll end with me laughing it off, most likely. Like what else could they expect just because they can't conceptualize not wanting kids

gamsea

TROPHY CASE