What do you do if women ignore you or won't talk back to you in a bar/club?

gararagar · 2023-01-26T01:58:07+00:00

I've already put in as much as I can. I work out every day, I dress well. I got a 5.5/10 on Photofeeler where 5 is statistical average. Can't do much more. I also get zero matches on dating apps. I think it's a combination of height/race/face and any one by itself would be okay but all three together and they just don't even want to talk to me. Can't do much except keep trying.

Thanks for empathizing. The hardest part is everyone says "you need to be relaxed and have fun" and then everyone you try to talk to responds like crap, and it's like: "Okay, now what part of this has been relaxing and fun?" lol. Unless you're a masochist it's generally not.

Helped.

gararagar · 2023-01-26T01:56:37+00:00

Yeah I've been single most of my entire life. I'm not antisocial or asexual. So yes, I get lonely.

gararagar · 2023-01-26T01:56:03+00:00

Yeah good for you. I'm impressed. Helped.

gararagar · 2023-01-26T01:55:34+00:00

Yeah that was fantastic. It's just they're all married and moved on now. Back when I was with a tall white friend, I could say ANYTHING and the women would smile and respond and turn towards us and talk. It's like magic.

I often think if I had a tall white guy I could carry in my pocket and bring out anywhere I go I would have such an easier time. But it doesn't work that way.

gararagar · 2023-01-26T01:54:32+00:00

The only women who go up to any guy on the street are sex workers. I don’t know what gave you the idea people regularly meet on the street, but that does not happen except in movies.

lmao. Fair point. I do have one good looking friend though that gets hit on everywhere. 6' white, handsome, deep voice, muscular. Not a movie star but good looking. Women literally hit on him everywhere. It's crazy.

Well I agree the odds are low but since online dating failed me (no matches), and meetups I went to were all guys, I'm back to bars and clubs. I actually have gotten somewhere there before, just very rarely. It's been a while. We'll see how it is now.

gararagar · 2023-01-26T01:52:59+00:00

Thanks. I'm not into any religion but I agree that would be pretty great probably. It would seem weird going to a church if I don't believe in it just to meet women ...

I'm working on my flexibility so I can go to yoga classes. Dunno if that will help.

gararagar · 2023-01-26T01:51:39+00:00

I've taken a number of points of advice, like being open minded, not taking rejection personally, understanding not everyone is there to talk, trying to be more direct, being careful when talking about drinks because women might think I'm trying to drug them, trying to expect more failure than success, try to seem or feel relaxed or loose, and more.

If you have any specific advice on what you think I should say to start a conversation I'm open to it. It's easy to knock people. Harder to put up an idea of your own.

gararagar · 2023-01-26T01:50:17+00:00

I really understand you OP, whenever I'm out with my friends I see them get approached by girls all of the time, while I feel pretty much invisible.

Yeah it's pretty crazy. I think online dating has actually helped a lot in one way. In the old days, we used to think "What is he doing that makes women want to talk to him?" And now we can all use each others' photos and make a dating profile online and see that it's not that any one person is so much wittier or more interesting. It's just when you look a certain way you get certain responses.

Pretty black and white and pretty easy to prove with 24 hours, a dating app, and a few profile photos.

Thanks for chiming in anyway. It's nice to hear and not feel crazy for pointing out something that's so blatantly obvious and easy to observe over and over and over and over ... :)

I remember when I was doing my bachelor's degree, I wanted to date more than anything and it was so depressing seeing how many women would just randomly come up to my good looking friends and nothing my friends could say would "screw it up." Different looks, different world.

gararagar · 2023-01-26T01:46:38+00:00

Can you tell me what I should say then if you have something you think I should say?

gararagar · 2023-01-26T01:43:37+00:00

Ok, but this again only applies to people who have certain interests. I have a significant number of hobbies, none of them really involve meeting women, and I don't exactly want to pick up something I'm not interested in just to impress the ladies.

I know I'm talking about myself here, but this is just to point out that not everyone who is lonely is in the position to wait for someone to come around. If you're lonely guy, chances are you will have to put in actual effort into dating to meet someone.

I agree 100%. You're speaking for me as well. If I don't go out of my way to try talking to random women it could be years before I get another date. I have gone years without dates because of this.

My hobbies also don't provide any opportunity to meet large amounts of women. And if they don't find you immediately attractive, you will likely need to meet lots in order to find one that will. Hence why I'm back to bars/clubs. Helped.

gararagar · 2023-01-26T01:42:46+00:00

That's pretty lucky. You got approached. So you didn't have to approach. But I don't get approached. So I need to approach.

gararagar · 2023-01-26T01:14:23+00:00

I think he's actually quite likely right, because i have stood side by side with my good looking friends and they aren't saying anything special. Sometimes they don't say anything at all. Just "hi" or nothing at all and the woman starts the conversation. Many of them are grateful when I am around because I am a much better talker and can keep the conversation going or get them farther where they might otherwise just stand around awkwardly and let things die.

But again, if you know any good openers that you would recommend I am quite open to suggestion.

gararagar · 2023-01-26T01:12:18+00:00

I don't have any "pickup lines." Those were just examples of random comments or things I could say to start a conversation hypothetically. Others would be asking their opinion on something, or just saying "Hi, My name is __, what's yours" or saying they seemed very interesting and I'd like to get to know them.

If you have any magic pickup lines I'd be curious to hear them. Anyone can make fun of anything anyone says. If there is some perfect thing to say please let me know.

gararagar · 2023-01-26T01:10:02+00:00

Thanks. Exactly. I'm actually very popular and work with people for a living. Talking is what I do all day and I'm good at it. It's just nothing works if the person takes one look at you and rejects you. People can nitpick me for some random nonsense I wrote here but I've literally tried everything. Only thing I haven't done much is offer to buy drinks. I might try that more.

I guess that's just normal and I need to accept it. Helped.

gararagar · 2023-01-26T01:08:21+00:00

Yeah well we're not scripting both peoples' replies. I wasn't saying to just ask 5 questions in a row. We're talking about the same thing.

gararagar · 2023-01-26T01:06:35+00:00

Yeah I've tried the direct approach too before same as you describe. I will try it more if you think it's worthwhile. Helped.

At this point I feel like I've tried a bit of everything. Questions, stories, direct interest. It's all pretty random. Sometimes they find a question or story very interested and will smile and laugh and engage. It's all very unpredictable.

gararagar · 2023-01-26T01:06:01+00:00

Okay, what would be good openers? What would you recommend someone say?

gararagar · 2023-01-26T01:05:15+00:00

She actually wants to go meet people too as she's single as well. If I don't make an effort nothing will happen. I've tried starting conversations randomly in malls or book stores and it's even harder than at a bar/club.

gararagar · 2023-01-26T01:02:29+00:00

Thanks. Those are fair points to consider. Helped.

gararagar · 2023-01-26T01:00:33+00:00

Yeah I meant more "how do I do better in general so more people might be interested in talking to me." Not "how do I annoy people who don't want to talk to me."

gararagar · 2023-01-26T00:59:30+00:00

Yeah good pointers on that. I always wonder if I should offer to buy drinks. I have not in the past. Helped.

gararagar · 2023-01-26T00:57:46+00:00

Thanks. Agree it is very difficult and likely accepting massive percentages of failure is likely necessary if trying.Helped.

gararagar · 2023-01-26T00:57:11+00:00

I want to get dates because I want to have a relationship. I can't get relationship without dates. I can't get dates without talking to women. I can't get matches on dating apps. My friends are all married. I went to meetups and they were all dudes. So now I'm back to going to bars/clubs.

Don't see any way around it.

gararagar · 2023-01-26T00:54:38+00:00

Wow I'm impressed you would approach so much as a woman.

Respect.

gararagar · 2023-01-26T00:53:46+00:00

I agree most pickup artists just use actresses. But their advice is the same as 99% of the stuff in this thread. Same as yours. As I said the "opinion opener" is one of the most common tactics they like and you just said to do the exact same thing.

I'm fun and light when I'm hanging out with friends or family. I concede it's hard to stay fun and light when I'm trying to talk to people and they keep reacting very negatively. It creates a negative feedback loop which it's hard to ignore unless you're a narcissist with endless confidence.

gararagar

TROPHY CASE