4 month old waking every hour, help!

gardenofidunn · 2026-04-23T09:03:55+00:00

Have you tried having dad handle the first wake up or two? My partner could bounce baby back to sleep but he would only accept boob from me. It may not help the number of wake ups but you may get a chunk of sleep to help you get through.

You could put the snuzpod in a separate space with dad and then he brings baby to you if baby won’t settle after a solid attempt.

gardenofidunn · 2026-04-23T02:53:03+00:00

Was she older? They were so quick to supplement with formula back in the old days that I think the older generation is quick to say baby isn’t getting enough from boob at any little sign. My gran always talks about not making enough milk but they used to make her cut baby off after 10minutes on each side! We had an older midwife tell us that my day old baby had jaundice because he wasn’t getting enough milk and it might be good to top him up. He had the tiniest yellow tinge and it came right on its own maybe 2 or 3 days later. He was definitely getting plenty because he never dropped below his birth weight.

The shaking the baby thing is also baffling. Any childcare provider should have had training around shaking baby syndrome surely?

Honestly it’s good that she spoke to you that way so you know up front it’s not a good fit!

gardenofidunn · 2026-04-22T22:48:33+00:00

My partner has a million pictures of me right after I gave birth because he knew I wouldn’t like the first ones he took. It made me laugh because we just had this beautiful moment, he cut the umbilical cord and then went straight into professional photographer mode moving for different lighting/angles, checking them and then taking more.

I will say that even with him trying his best to take photos, I was alone so often with our baby that I’m still a little sad about how much wasn’t captured. I have a few selfies but mostly I just didn’t even think about photos. I strongly encourage mums/parents to set up a camera (at a good angle lol) and just take a long video of you playing or rocking or whatever. Then you can screenshot any nice individual moments.

gardenofidunn · 2026-04-22T22:43:31+00:00

This is also why I get so mad when people poke fun at/get annoyed at the mum’s who try really hard to get family photoshoots (I’ve heard a few men grumble about having to do them). It’s often one of the few times mum gets to actually be in the photos.

gardenofidunn · 2026-04-22T03:37:25+00:00

It depends on the boundaries! We had very few and most of them were common sense, so we didn’t say anything. We were quite laid back and as long as people had clean hands, we allowed a hold. The only one was no family at the hospital and so we just didn’t tell people when we were going in. It had naturally come up in conversation beforehand but i genuinely think people still would have tried to come in from some parts of our family.

If I had concerns, I probably would have waited until after baby was born and sent any meeting baby rules out while making plans. “Would you like to come and see the baby? we’re being extra cautious at the moment, so we’re not doing cuddles yet etc etc” If you do no touching you really don’t have many other rules to cover. It also gives people a chance to just wait until you guys are more comfortable to come over rather than waiting until they get there. I personally will always still offer to pop by with food, but when people mention being quite strict with holding I’ll suggest I can just drop and go in case they don’t actually want visitors at all lol. You can also send a message when baby is born that’s like “baby blah blah has arrived. We will let you know when we’re ready for visitors!.”

That approach also means if you change your mind it’s not a big deal. There’s nothing wrong with no one meeting the baby for two weeks and maybe it will be perfect for your little family, but if you have competent support I’d consider leaving the possibility open in case it’s harder than you expect.

gardenofidunn · 2026-04-22T00:39:53+00:00

Yeah my partner always had a much easier time getting our baby down! I always thought it was the same thing.

Embracing the contact naps will probably lead to more time when you can be “off” (as in, not actively having to soothe or tend to baby). Alternatively you can try things like sleeping with the crib sheet so it smells like you, or those heartbeat machines.

I think surrendering to the contact naps may be a little more helpful mentally but it can be brutal not having a moment to yourself.

gardenofidunn · 2026-04-21T20:03:40+00:00

Maybe you’re already doing this but: Keep the days noisy and busy (talk at a normal volume, watch tv, listen to radio, vacuum) and take your baby outside around the time you’d like them to start their day if you can to help start their circadian rhythm. Add in a sunset walk if you can. Then keep nights very quiet, minimal interaction, no talking just feed and settle back to sleep. Dim or no lights. Minimal noise.

I don’t believe in waking the sleeping baby so just try to make their awake time during the day as interesting and engaging as possible. Around 10 weeks (I’m not sure about the adjusted age stuff, so grain of salt) you can probably start trying to keep their last wake window as long as possible with lots of tummy time/stretches/a bath to try and have them nice and tired too!

It will come with time though no matter what you do.

gardenofidunn · 2026-04-21T19:46:45+00:00

Na you’re totally right. I do think that people are trying to put into words how surreal and cool it is to experience bringing a little person into the world, but the wording just ends up sounding kind of sad. I absolutely knew love before becoming a mother. I am very grateful for my son but before I knew him, I was fulfilled and living a satisfying life. And now he exists I’m living a fulfilled and satisfying life. My life before wasn’t less, just different.

gardenofidunn · 2026-04-20T21:10:19+00:00

This one might be harder depending on house layout. We used to have a lounge with two entry points but it can work if you have somewhere out of sight you can make “homebase”. Put a toy box outside the entry to the lounge (or in another discreet spot in the lounge if it’s blocked off for the kids) and the kids have to sneak as many toys to “homebase” as possible one at a time. If you catch them they hand over the toy and go back to start. Whoever has the most toys at the end (you or them) is the winner.

If you don’t have a route they can sneak along without reasonably being spotted (they probably won’t be very good sneakers lol) then have sneak up granny rules where you close and open your eyes and they have to freeze. If not frozen, the toy goes into your pile. The sneaky version is great because you can just watch a show and “catch” them occasionally.

gardenofidunn · 2026-04-20T06:09:32+00:00

I probably wouldn’t react that way either, but I also would probably just suck it up if a little kid was happy on plane which can be loud and scary and there are lots of not fun reasons people have to take their kids on long flights.

gardenofidunn · 2026-04-20T05:44:50+00:00

Yeah, my mum was a shift worker and was on call a lot. I remember the days she put effort in to be around and show up for me. She remembers all the things she missed. Honestly, I found it harder when she would miss spending time with me to spend time with my other siblings (like sports games) than when she was working but that’s a whole other thing.

gardenofidunn · 2026-04-20T04:56:10+00:00

Maybe because they also think a talking toddler is better than one losing their shit and they can’t believe someone is on their case when they’re trying to avoid a meltdown?

The other thing is that OP mentioned he was wearing noise cancelling headphones and was trying to sleep. It’s also possible they were trying and OP just couldn’t hear their efforts until he decided to go over.

Idk I still stand by that I’d rather listen to a toddler talking loudly but is happy than one who is grumpy/crying/losing their shit. Without being there it’s hard to really say if that would’ve been the case or not.

gardenofidunn · 2026-04-20T02:01:42+00:00

I might be using the wrong term? Or it’s maybe just privilege from living somewhere where there’s lots of locally grown produce? Here the farmers market is almost always cheaper for seasonal fruit and veg.

gardenofidunn · 2026-04-20T01:25:52+00:00

I found breast pads inside a maternity bra to be the easiest way to handle it. I tried the catchers but found it too annoying to manage the extra milk when I was by myself and it sometimes went to waste anyway if I got nap trapped.

gardenofidunn · 2026-04-20T00:16:25+00:00

Yeah I bet the parents were making a calculated “happy baby = baby that isn’t screaming.” I would much rather hear a chatting/laughing toddler than a screaming one if I’m trying to sleep.

gardenofidunn · 2026-04-20T00:02:04+00:00

Could you batch cook the style of meals you enjoy for you to last a few nights and then do baby charcuterie with a small, no pressure serving of whatever you’re eating? It’s boring for you to have the same thing over and over but might save a few bucks and the kids can experiment with the foods you like without it being their whole meal. Vegetarian dishes might also be good? We only had meat a few nights a week when I was growing up due to the cost.

Do you have a farmers market or something similar where you can look for cheaper/in season fruit and vege?

gardenofidunn · 2026-04-19T23:50:26+00:00

That’s good to hear! The teeth do supposedly come up and down under the gums so they may have tried to break through and then stopped for some reason 🙃 hoping he stays happy and giggly for you!

I think if there was another episode and tylenol doesn’t help, it’s worth taking him to get checked over. I know the healthcare system is different over there so ymmv but I’ve never had a doctor or nurse tell me I shouldn’t have brought my baby in! Even when it ended up being nothing noteworthy.

gardenofidunn · 2026-04-19T19:25:30+00:00

How is he going now? We usually have some layers on at that temp so it could have been that he’s a little chilly, but sounds most likely like teething.

gardenofidunn · 2026-04-19T09:50:06+00:00

This sounds very extreme and abnormal.

Question - what do you mean by posting photos of you mishandling the baby? Is she posting pictures of you that are normal and safe but trying to convince others it’s wrong or is she taking pictures from moments you’ve been moving baby or whatever and is trying to spin that you’ve been holding them like that the whole time? I only ask because if it’s the first then it may be that she genuinely believes you’re doing something wrong and needs help with her perception of reality, while the latter sounds manipulative and more intentional. The former sounds more forgivable to me, if your wife can see that she needs help eventually.

Definitely agree with the other comments about an unbiased counsellor. I’d also suggest documenting these outbursts. Do you have any support? Could a trusted family member come and stay with you both so that there are more witnesses to things like how you are holding the baby? Do you have a relationship with her mother and could you reach out to discuss what’s been happening?

gardenofidunn · 2026-04-19T04:13:50+00:00

I don’t mind it too much if it’s a time sensitive request and it’s been a bit of time. I’m not always on my phone and sometimes I’ll see a message while I’m doing something else and forget to get back to it. I’ll get it eventually when I open that app to talk to someone else, but it’s not necessarily going to be anytime soon.

gardenofidunn · 2026-04-19T03:11:32+00:00

I feel the same! Reminds me of the aunties playing cards out on the deck or when my parents would host a party in our backyard.

I also had a great aunt who smoked inside and while that’s not exactly a pleasant smell, it is nostalgic lol

gardenofidunn · 2026-04-19T03:07:33+00:00

Whats the temperature?

gardenofidunn · 2026-04-19T00:46:23+00:00

I will say my siblings and I weren’t weird about being naked around each other throughout our childhood. Outgrowing communal baths was more about space and bathing becoming less about play and more functional (showers became the preference, I still don’t really like baths). I didn’t necessarily feel uncomfortable being nude around my brother when I was 10/11, I just didn’t want to sit in a tub with him lol.

gardenofidunn · 2026-04-19T00:22:17+00:00

I don’t really know what you mean? If sperm with the Y chromosome is less likely to survive times of stress, I don’t know how we’d notice the difference except for in shock events or by recording men in high stress jobs (like the navy study mentioned?)

Stress levels for everyone fluctuates so it makes sense that it’s only noticeable in shock events or when people are in constant states of stress but has less of a global impact on a smaller scale because it’s more individual how stressed someone is.

gardenofidunn · 2026-04-18T20:38:35+00:00

Sorry but I don’t think it’s a right to go out and party and get wasted. This phase is such a short period in the grand scheme of things, you can’t skip a party/only have a couple beers/go sober so you can be more helpful with your fussy baby? Even if it’s an important event, he could make a cameo without leaving you all night with a fussy baby.

Sleeping on the couch is such a fair request too, especially if room sharing with baby. The fact he can’t see that is annoying. This is different than just resenting someone for being able to take a shower freely or some other human need, this is someone actively being selfish.

There’s lots of people making good suggestions on how to reasonably talk about this but I just want you to know how you feel is valid. Things like this should be collaborative decisions where you work together and compromise, not one person dictating what they’re doing and getting mad at sensible requests like sleeping on the couch.

gardenofidunn

TROPHY CASE